Saturday, August 18, 2007

Sanford and Son

How can ONE person be such a slob? I am not a collector or a saver...heck my kids are lucky I kept their birth certificates. I don't save plastic bags, paper bags, bread wrappers or Cool Whip containers like Aunt June, but right now my condo looks like the set for an upcoming production of Sanford and Son Moves to South Carolina. I cleaned out my closet and the donation bags are in the dining room along with a stack of magazines I need to drop off at the hospital and the set of Christmas dishes I haven't used in 5 years that are going to Habitat. We won't talk about the exercise equipment that is still in the back of my closet and the most exercise I got was manuevering that 150 lb monster into that tiny space all by myself.
Since I am an only child I have all my grandparents, parents plus my own photographs that need to be put in albums and oh PLEASE DEAR GOD let me live that long. Thank goodness my mother and grandmother were very good about writing not only the names of people but also their relationship to the family as I have no clue by looking at the photos who most of these people are. I am also very thankful that my grandmother was a storyteller so not only do I have the pictures I also have a story to go with almost all of them. One of my favorites is about a deaf cousin (Homer) and his wife who lived in Howard,IN at the Round Barn Farm during the 20's and 30's. The wife's sister was over visiting one afternoon after Thanksgiving and asked Homer's wife what she would like for Christmas. Homer's wife replied, "Oh I pray someone gives each of us a pair of white gloves so Homer and I can talk when we go to bed at night." As a child I thought that was the funniest thing I had ever heard and as an adult I still think it's pretty funny but also very sweet. My grandmothers sister (Aunt Doodoo and I have no clue why she was called Doodoo and Uncle John) had a grain and dairy farm. I don't remember how many cows they milked twice a day but it was a BUNCH. At that time (surely they have an easier way now) each cows udders had to be hand washed (YEW) before the electric milkers were attached to each teat. Grandma and I were there visiting one afternoon and helping Aunt Doodoo can tomatoes. For whatever reason Aunt Doodoo was upset with Uncle John about something and she opened the back door and flipped a switch on the wall. About 30 seconds later Uncle John came running out of the milk house and said, "DAMN IT TO HELL!" and then ran back in the milk house. Well, I was stunned and couldn't believe my grandma and Aunt Doodoo weren't as shocked as I was that Uncle John had said a BAD word. I later found out that the switch that Aunt Doodoo had flipped was to the milk house and she had waited until Uncle John had gotten all the cows "bags" washed and attached the electric milkers before she cut the power off to the milk house so the stainless steel milkers fell on the dirty floor and Uncle John had to start all over again. Don't mess with the women in my family. We'll cut off your power in a heartbeat.