Monday, March 31, 2008

Bald Head Island

Bald Head Island has to be one of my favorite places on earth. Deserted beaches, no cars and quiet, quiet quiet. The ferry ride is a just long enough to decompress from the "real world" to the "don't I wish I could afford to live like this everyday" world. Of course, as usual, our timing was not the best but hey, it's me so you can't be surprised. It was drizzly, almost dark and we didn't stop at the grocery store on our way over because we didn't want to lug groceries and luggage on the ferry and we KNEW we would have time to get to the island grocery before it closed. Well...pah ha! Took us a big longer to figure out the garage door to get the golf cart out and then Ding Dong, my buddy Chris, forgot the map and I wasn't exactly sure where we were going especially in the dark and did I mention there are no streetlights? Sooooo...there we are in the dark, noses pressed to the golf cart windshield and trying to find the grocery store. Well, between the drizzle and no street lights we finally said the heck with it and circled back to Eb & Flo's for a hot dinner and adult libations. Ah yes, good choice and now my friends I'm going to the deck to join my buddy and listen to the ocean and oh OK, maybe another adult libation or three.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Drama, drama, drama at the local Wal-Mart

After a thrill filled day of doing paperwork for SEVEN straight hours I decided that all I really needed to top off this cold, gray rainy day was a stop at the local Wal-Mart for laundry detergent. Have you tried Tide's new lavender vanilla scented detergent? Smells so good I don't know whether to dab perfume or laundry detergent behind my ears. Downy also has the lavender vanilla scented softener and honey you haven't lived until you crawl between lavender vanilla scented sheets. OK, so now you know why I was at Wal-Mart and this is what happened while I was standing in line to check out and of course there was a line...I ALREADY TOLD YOU I WAS AT WAL-MART! This really isn't funny but I actually snorted trying to keep from laughing out loud. There was a couple who appeared to be in their 70's in front of me and since I was bored and am basically a very nosey person I was listening to their conversation. They were talking about the wife's elderly mother who is a pretty hefty lady, well into her 90's and lives in the house next door to them. Apparently the mother is very capable most of the time but lately she has started to wander off once or twice a week. Fortunately they live in a small town and (so far) the neighbors have seen her out and about and brought her home. The wife mentioned taking turns with her siblings staying with their mom and there was also the possibility of a granddaughter who might be willing to move in with her and then the wife made a fatal error. She said, "Well...Harold you haven't had anything to say, what do you think?" Harold replied " I think we need to stamp the old bats name and address on her forehead and make her wear a shock collar so she will be easier to bring down." Me thinks there has been no love lost between Harold and his mother in law over the past 50 plus years.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

There is no cure for stupid.

Not only is there no cure I think there should be a law requiring all stupid people to carry a sign. The sign would make life so much easier for the rest of us because we would know what to expect and not be surprised when we see some ying yang dilly dallying along at 45 mph in the left lane and if General Motors would design a car with a 25 foot rubber bumper I would be their first customer. I'm running late for work this morning (if you listen closely you can hear TommyB in the background saying, "Well...yeah, what else is new.") but it's not a problem because I'm making gooood time baby! I'm zipping right down ole Hwy 17 with the sun roof open, radio crankin' out the ABBA tunes, hittin' all the green lights and then it happened. I put on my left turn signal to change lanes (turn signal? I know, what can I say...I'm a rebel) and there it was...a light blue 1994 Lincoln Continental. The speed limit (limit schmlimit) along that stretch is 60 mph so of course I was hitting about 67 mph UNTIL I pulled in behind Mr. Magoo's grandmother. Oh man, oh man....we are cruising along in the left lane at a whole 45 mph. I assume the car has a driver but all I can see are eight knuckles and a tuft of white hair. Cars are FLYING by me in the right lane but noooooo, we are still topping out at 45 mph in the left lane. OK, no problem....the hospital is at the next light and I bet my right kidney she/he will be turning there. Dang! Went right through that intersection but we are still zooming along at 45 mph in the left lane. the next light we have a BI-Lo Grocery and several doctors offices, bet she/he is going there. AH HA! Yep, there he/she goes...makes a RIGHT TURN FROM THE LEFT LANE ACROSS THREE LANES OF TRAFFIC AT 45 MPH. Yep, definitely need to order those signs.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Ring

When Eddie and the grandchildren were here visiting this week I was reminded of one of many unexplained ( you hear the Twilight Zone theme music??) things that have happened to us over the years. My mother passed away in 1991 and left one of her cocktail rings to Eddie. The ring is made up of six small diamonds from family jewelry that had been passed down for several generations and the ring looks almost like a flower or small tree branch with leaves. Eddie and I are horrible (but still not as bad as Polly) about losing jewelry and we won't talk about my grandmothers ruby and opal ring that I am willing to bet is still in a sandbox in Terre Haute, IN. I'm over that...really I am, well someday I MIGHT be able to discuss the ring (or lack of) without having a melt down, but probably not. Anyway, on to the story about Eddie's ring. Eddie had worn the ring to a company party but instead of putting the ring back in her jewelry box at the end of the evening LIKE HER MOTHER TOLD HER TO ALWAYS DO she put the ring on her night stand. Several days go by and she remembered that the ring needed to be put away but now it was nowhere on or around her night stand. Eddie moved furniture, shook the sheets and comforter, looked under the bed, inside shoes....every possible nook and cranny but no ring. A week or two went by (she had confided in her sister but neither one of them had been brave enough to tell me yet) and it was time for another evening event. Eddie was talking with a lady she had never met before and happened to glance at the womans hand. The lady was wearing a beautiful antique ring and Eddie shared the story about her grandmother, the missing ring and the ongoing search. The lady laughed and told Eddie that the ring she was wearing was also a gift from her grandmother and she too had misplaced the ring a few months ago. After a week of searching she decided the ring was gone for good and filed an insurance claim. A few days later she emptied the bathroom trash and heard a strange clunk. Upon closer investigation lo and behold the missing ring was found. After the party Eddie could not get her grandmothers ring off her mind and once again searched all around the nightstand and bed, still no ring. As she was brushing her teeth she felt really silly but decided what the heck and picked up her bathroom trash basket even though she KNEW she had left the ring on her nightstand. Yep, you guessed right..the missing ring was in the trash basket in a wad of Kleenex. We feel certain Eddie accidentally picked the ring up with the used tissue when she was cleaning her room but can you explain the conversation with the stranger at the party? Coincidence? Maybe. Grandma helping her find her ring? That's what we choose to believe. OK Mom....helping Eddie find that ring was a super nice thing for you to do and something we will never forget but I really really wish you would help me find the missing ruby and opal ring. Hmmmm, come to think of it...Eddie lost that ring too but at least I'm not bitter.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Only MY family, I am so proud.

Matthew turned five this week. Doesn't seem possible and I am no math wizard but if you subtract 2003 from 2008 the answer is five. Matthew's birthday request was baby chickens and that is exactly what he received, two yellow and two red chicks. Of course he also received numerous other goodies that are near and dear to a five your old boys heart but the baby chickens were the highlight. Polly's family flies by the seat of their pants and it works for them...drives Eddie and I bananas but it works for them. Well...after a very stressful few months with school, sports and work Tony reserved a beautiful house in Nevada for the family to spend a week and DO NOTHING but read, watch a movie or two, enjoy the pool and each other. chickens. Teeny, tiny, needy baby chickens. Sooooo...Polly and Tony loaded all four kids PLUS four baby chickens (along with their sun lamp, food, water, day cage AND night cage..for the chickens not the kids) into the Suburban and took off for the 12 hour drive to Nevada. The baby chickens are very good travelers unless they get cold and then they do what baby chickens do best. Well, maybe what baby chickens do second best but there was some serious peeping going on until the heat is turned on full blast. Have you ever ridden 12 hours with four kids crammed into one bench seat because the back two seating areas are like a sauna? Rumor is, it was a real fun trip. I think the entire family arrived wearing nothing but their underwear but the good news is the baby chickens arrived healthy, happy and are LOVING Nevada!

Friday, March 21, 2008


We had dinner this evening at the best restaurant we've tried in a long time. Myrtle Beach has lots of great places to eat but this one has to be moved to the top of your list. There were seven of us and we all tried something different. The schnitzel was my favorite but everything our table ordered from the potato pancakes to the apple strudel (and the crepes..OH MY GOD, the crepes) was wonderful! Each dish was prepared and served beautifully and when they heard us congratulate Sid and Deb on their anniversary they brought out a HUGE plate of their homemade crepes for the table to share. We like to go to places where we can linger and talk and The European Tavern is a great choice for that type of evening. I know that for a fact as we were were there for almost three hours. I'm not much of a drinker but they are VERY generous with the alcohol in their drinks and I hear their Crown & Coke is the best in town. If you don't believe me...jush ast Frankie.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

My latest faux paus.

TommyB's family is in town and I invited everyone over for dinner this evening so I got up early and put a pot roast and potatoes in the slow cooker and made a salad. When I finally got to work I looked down at my hands on the keyboard and lo and behold I ONLY HAD NINE FINGERNAILS. Oh GREAT! Isn't that just wonderful, I have left a pastel pink fingernail in the pot roast or the salad. Now I mention it ahead of time? Naaa, what good would that do, just make everybody uncomfortable. Do I take the salad apart? Ummm, maybe....the pot roast? Uh no....not unless I manage to grow a pair of asbestos hands. Isn't this just gym dandy? Well...I have 7 people coming for dinner and one of them could very easily find a pink fingernail in their pot roast. Oh well, hope they have a sense of humor.

Monday, March 17, 2008

The tabletop is here!

Remember Steve Martin in the movie THE JERK? When I typed the above title Steve Martin and that movie popped into my demented little mind. Steve was running through streets wearing nothing but a ratty bathrobe and his underpants while screaming, "The phone book is here!" The phone book is here!" That is how I feel about my table top, but I am wearing sweatpants and sitting in my recliner. I wonder why the smallest projects become EVENTS when I am involved. What is the big deal about changing your dining room table?? Well....honey, it sure ain't as easy as it sounds. First you have to move the 1/2 ton rectangular glass table top you already have which is no small feat and don't forget to price the new square top BEFORE you make this change. I had to decide if I wanted a new table top or a five carat diamond tooth stud. The tooth stud and the table top were the same price so you can understand my dilemma. OH...and don't forget that because the new top is square the rectangle rug will just NOT do. Fast forward to square rug is in place, new table base is in place, rug is centered under light fixture and all systems are go. Sooo... I'm running from window to window watching for the delivery truck to arrive with my new table top. FINALLY! Two men carry the large box in, unpack the glass, clean it, give it a final polish and then center it on the table base. They gather all the packing material and as they are exiting I can hardly wait to sit at the new table with all eight chairs in place and silently congratulate myself on a job well done. Hmmmm, how odd. Have I shrunk? Beautiful new rug, lovely new square table...too bad the DAMN CHAIRS ARE TOO SHORT. NO, I'm not kidding. The only good news is all my friends who are over age 50 have a great place to rest their sagging chest.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

The PediEgg

You all know how much I LOVE the AS SEEN ON TV merchandise..I mean come on folks, they have some goood stuff! Well, I was at Walgreens buying hair color (for a friend) and happened to walk by a PediEgg display. Well honey, I turned around so fast I left skid marks right there on Walgreens shiny tile floor. I had seen the PediEgg advertised on TV (DUH) and I knew it was tough enough to peel an orange so maybe there really was hope for my Fred Flintstone feet. Of course I bought one and could hardly wait to get home and give it a try. I got myself all propped up in the recliner and put my absolutely 100% guaranteed feet so smooth you will never snag another knee high again PediEgg together. The first thing I noticed was the scraper part is made of METAL. Not only is it made of metal it looks very much like a mini-cheese grater. Hmm, let me get this straight...I snap the cheese grater into the plastic handle and then I rub the metal cheese grater on my feet? What? No sulphuric acid to smooth out any remaining rough edges?? Well OK, these people are professionals and know what they are doing so here goes nothing. For those of you who are pondering the purchase of a PediEgg I have a couple of suggestions and you are probably wondering if the PediEgg actually works. Do they work? Oh yes, they work very well. However, the little instruction folder neglected to mention that if you remove every callous and piece of thick skin on your feet you are basically bedridden because your feet are too sensitive to do anything except rest on a velvet pillow while you lay in bed and watch trashy movies on Lifetime TV for the next three weeks. Like I said... I LOVE the PediEgg and please pass the remote.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

I LOVE my friends!

I LOVE my friends and had to share an email I received this weekend from a good friend of mine (also a co-worker) who was out of the country on a business trip. The company we work for picks wonderful exotic locations for meetings but there always seems to be an issue of some sort and this time it was A HOLE IN THE PLANE. Granted, it wasn't a big hole but it was a hole none the less. Everyone had already checked out of the 5 star resort and unfortunately they were completely booked for the weekend. However, the desk clerk told my friends about the lovely little place directly across the street and I will let you read the rest of the story below.

Just for fun- it is 6:00 AM, I have had ninety minutes of sleep. The resort that we found last night was an "ethnic"resort. When I went to the lobby this morning, every seat and couch was full with people sleeping, making out or just doing it. The room next to mine had a ''booty party'' all night. They went to sleep around 3:30 AM so just out of spite I got my computer out (I just happened to bring my stereo speakers) and cranked up some Nickelback and pointed the speakers at the wall. The cab driver came to pick up all five of us and our luggage in a ford fiesta. We get to the airport where we have now purchased a new set of tickets and have spent three thousand dollars to do it. The ass at the counter (this entire island is full of nothing but assholes) yells at us because his flight is over booked because of us and tells us that we will probably be bumped. I'd had my fill of rude people at this point and had a word of prayer with him. I'm sure my luggage is now going to Iceland. I am having so much fun.

My friends are so entertaining I am seriously considering canceling HBO.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

I'm FREE..and only semi sick!

No parties, no site visits... a totally free weekend! My sore throat and headache are gone but I'm not sure poor ole Morty can say the same. It was beautiful here today with temps in the mid 70's and sunny so I had all the windows and both sliding doors open...fresh air! With both sliding doors open Morty and Ginglebelle turned this place into a race track. Down the hall, out the living room door, across the screened porch, in the bedroom, across the bed, back to the living room, down the hall...well, you get the picture. About 7 this evening I was on the phone with a friend and noticed it was getting a bit cool in here so I closed the sliding door in my bedroon. About 30 seconds later I heard thundering paws coming through the living room and just as I realized what was about to happen I looked at the bedroom sliding door just in time to see poor ole Mort slam face first into the glass door. I didn't laugh until I picked him up and made sure he was OK. Really I didn't, I promise. Well, not much. Sure hope cats don't hold a grudge.