Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Life Of Lolly

Wow, just when you think your life is the pits let me tell you about Lolly. First of all Lolly's real name has been changed because she is a relative and I want to protect her privacy. Lolly and family live in, ummmm.....Idaho. Yep, that's it...they live in Idaho. Lolly has four children, a husband named Coney, two dogs (Duke and Lojack) and a cat (Lester) who has multiple personalties. The childrens names are Glory, Tate, Clara and Bartholomew. A husband, four active children and three pets are enough to keep anyone busy but Lolly and Coney have their own business and for the past three years Lolly has been in charge of the office in Idaho. For quite some time now one of their employees in another state has had issues with the truth and work ethics. Lolly had enough and told the lazy non-truth teller that he would be much happier working someplace else. WELL...the next thing Coney knows Lolly has his behind on a plane and he's on his way to take over the job site where the lazy non-truth teller had just exited. Coney is less than thrilled and Lolly isn't real happy either because Glory has a basketball game (Lolly is also the basketball coach), Tate has a pottery class, Clara is sick and Bartholomew is....well, four and very busy. After several favors being called in Lolly, Glory and Bartholomew are at the basketball game, Tate is at her pottery class and Clara is on the couch at a friends house. The game finally ends, Lolly gathers all the children and they head for home which is a 30 minute drive from school. Lolly ALMOST gets dinner on the table when the phone rings and it's the security company saying the fire alarm is going off at the office and the fire department has been dispatched. Lolly said a very bad word, put Glory in charge of finishing dinner and headed back to the office. Of course she calls Coney on her way and Coney's main concern is that Lolly tells the firemen to please try to save his hunting mounts, his newly restored Chevelle from the 70's and....oh yeah, the safe. Lolly came sliding into the office parking lot and hmmm, no smoke or flames. WONDERFUL! However, there are lots of firemen inside the building so Lolly opens the office door but before she can step inside, a wall of water washes over the threshhold and into her shoes. OH....that's not good. Sometime during the afternoon a water pipe burst and filled a 3,000 square foot office with 4 inches of water which set off the fire alarm. Stay tuned for further updates on the Life of Lolly.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Are women ever satisfied?

I have a very comfortable place to live, nice furniture, everything I need and most of what I want but every once in awhile I just have to change it up. The bedroom furniture has never been my favorite and I had planned to replace the headboard since I bought the set 7 years ago. Well, I did that this week. HEY...I never said I was in a big hurry to replace it, I just said that I was going to find a different one. The new headboard was a real "steal" and I do mean steal. That's a long story that could involve my incarceration so we will just skip right over that one and move on to the dining room table. I have always wanted a round glass top dining table that seats 8. My current table is a glass rectangle that seats 6 comfortably and 8 if you don't mind asking the person next to you to cut up your meat because it's so crowded that your arms are pinned to your side. I was looking online at dining room tables and OH MY GOSH I found my dining room table in the round version on CLEARANCE! The glass top it comes with is not big enough for 8 but I can sell that one and replace it with one that is larger. Since it's the same table my chairs even match! Soooo....I ordered the table and last night I measured to see what size glass top I need. GULP...all the online sites reccomended a 60 inch diameter top to seat eight. I measured with the tape measure and it wasn't looking good but just to make sure I borrowed yarn from Rosemary and laid it out on the floor.'s the deal. If I put a 60 inch round table in the dining room I will have to crawl under it to get to the kitchen. Well, that's not good. Here's the other thing...have you ever priced a 60 inch piece of glass?? HOLY MOLY, the glass cost FOUR times more than the new table and it is so heavy I have visions of me and 7 friends ending up in my downstairs neighbors dining room. OK, I do a little more checking and I discover that a 54 inch square will also work for 8. The 6 additional inches makes enough difference that I can siddle past the table rather than crawl underneath. When I am laying out the yarn it also dawns on me that my dining room rug is a rectangle. Arrrrrrg.....FINE. I have now ordered a square rug to go with my square table that I have to siddle by to get to the kitchen. My round dining room table that was on clearance for less than $200 is now square and has cost me right at $1,000.Next time I want to change things up all you have to do is say, "Remember the ROUND dining room table???"

Monday, January 28, 2008

Polly is a big ole whiner.

Polly called this afternoon demanding a retraction about the day she rear ended her sister and wrecked my new car. This is her was raining and her sister was stopped in the middle of the road. OK....MAYBE YOU WERE DRIVING TOO FAST ON A WET ROAD AND YOUR SISTER WAS STOPPED BECAUSE THE CAR IN FRONT OF HER WAS STOPPED! I have to say I was surprised to receive your call as I thought it was very kind of me not to mention that you were driving barefooted, not wearing a seatbelt, didn't have your drivers license with you and I also seem to remember that you were holding Casey (the poodle that you just had to have) and driving with one hand. Hmmm, don't you have a daughter who is very close to getting a drivers license? What's it worth to you if she never reads this story? How about this idea, submit your version of what happened and everybody can vote on who they think is more accurate. If you win the vote Tory never reads this entry but if I win I get to read it to her!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Happy Birthday Eddie!

OH GOOD baby is 37 years old today! Arrrrrrg! How the heck did that happen??? In my mind she is still 6 years old with a gap tooth smile and cute as a $2.00 bug. The gap tooth smile is gone but she is still cute as a $2.00 bug and she will always be my baby.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Should Teenagers be allowed to drive? Uhhh...I vote no.

During their high school years both girls had the tough job of lifeguarding at the local country club. I'm not real sure how you can use sitting on a tall white chair, tanning and whistle twirling on your college application but I'm sure they both found a creative way to make it sound impressive. One Friday afternoon Dave and I were in the basement working on finishing an apartment for my Mother (oh boy, that's another story) when Eddie came in from work and yelled down the stairs, "I'm going to the bank to cash my right back!" OK, careful. Two minutes later Polly yelled down the stairs, "I'm going to the bank to cash my right back." OK, careful. About 5 minutes after they left the phone rang and it was Eddie who was in tears. "Mom..Polly and I have had a wreck and the policeman says we need you and Dad here right away." "Polly and I aren't hurt but can you hurry?" Of course we went flying out the door and were almost to the scene of the accident when Dave turned to me and said, "Jan...they are in the same car, right?" "Well, of course they are! They were both going to the bank at the same time, they wouldn't take two cars." Well...ha ha! Eddie was driving her car (affectionally known as Little Grey) and Polly had decided to take MY new Oldsmobile as it had gas and hers didn't. Eddie had stopped to allow the car in front of her to make a left turn when Polly came flying over the hill (again, in my new car) and rear ended her. When we arrived a pretty good crowd had gathered and the policeman was standing by Little Grey filling out the paperwork. He asked for the owner of "Little Grey" to step forward. Dave supplied the insurance and contact information for "Little Grey" and the policeman moved to the car Polly was driving. The policeman said, "I need the owner of this car to step forward." Again Dave moved to that car and the policeman said, "I am finished with your car sir, I need the owner of this vehicle." Rather gruffly Dave told him he was the owner of both cars. The policeman said, "Sisters?" Dave said yes and the policeman burst out laughing. He then tore up the tickets, patted Dave on the shoulder and told him to hang in there because they do eventually grow up and leave home.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Fair is Fair

Now it's Eddie's turn. Eddie was an excellent student and never caused any problems at school except when it came to talking...oh my gosh, she talked to everybody all the time. I don't think she ever brought one report card home that didn't say "Talks Too Much". It was always tempting to write DUH next to that statement before I signed the card and sent it back to the teacher. I was the Assistant Registrar at their high school so I had the privilege of seeing their friends and teachers everyday. During Eddie's Freshman year her English teacher's husband was transferred at midterm and the school corporation hired a first time, right out of college, diploma not even framed yet replacement. The poor thing was clueless. Their classroom happened to be right down the hall from my office and Miss Cline was in there at least once a day, usually crying. About two weeks into the semester Eddie was talking to her friend when she should have been listening and Miss Cline, in an attempt to shut Eddie up, called on her to answer a question and read a passage in their book. When Eddie answered the question and then read the correct passage Miss Cline fell apart, picked up her purse and ran crying out of the classroom. She stopped in my office doorway and shouted, "They aren't supposed to be able answer the questions correctly if they never pay attention!" Miss Cline got into her car and never returned. Last we heard she was selling real estate in Arkansas.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Looking back...

I received a nice note from an old friend which was followed by a long telephone visit and we we caught up with each others lives. She reminded me of many funny things that happened when our kids were growing up so of course I MUST share them here. In my mind I can see Polly and Eddie throwing up their hands and saying, "OH GOOD what." Polly was 16 and we were living in Clinton, IN. She and her friend Mika wanted to "cruise" downtown (all 4 blocks) one summer evening and we told them that was fine but DO NOT leave the city limits and be home by 11. "Yes Dad, we will, we'll be careful...see you at 11!" their defense they were home by 11. Dave and I had a peaceful evening sitting out on the deck watching the deer come up to drink from the lake, a glass of wine...very pleasant. About 10'0clock we came inside to watch the news just like we did every other night and turned on the TV. The news was being telecast from the county fair (35 miles away) and the reporter said, "What a perfect night to be out and about. Let's see what these two pretty young ladies have to say about this years fair." Yep, Polly and Mika in living color right in our living room. Like Dave used to say, "Jan, I don't know what upsets me the most... that they do these things or that they are soooo stupid."

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Just when you think it's safe...

We thought all the politicians were gone and this morning we find out Bill Clinton is speaking at the high school this evening. Why the heck is Myrtle Beach such a hot locale for politics this year?? It used to be a big deal when Vanna White came home every summer. Well, Vanna honey....I think you can safely assume that everyone in Myrtle Beach has become so accustomed to seeing famous people you will have to prance nekid down Ocean Boulevard at high Noon before anyone will notice you are here.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Finally....a normal day.

Normal = boring? Oh probably but that is just fine with me. I even managed to slip away from work a little early this afternoon. The car is cleaned out and most of the holiday decorations are finally out of the hallway and in the storage closet. OK, I still haven't unpacked or done laundry from the cruise but I will get to that this weekend so as long as the clean underwear holds out I will be just fine. Maybe I can borrow a pair from Britney...she must have plenty in her lingerie chest cuz she sure hasn't been wearing them lately. What do you think the chances are Britney will have a pair or two of the big ole "lunch room lady" up under the armpits, cotten ones I like?

Monday, January 21, 2008


Hillary, Obama and Edwards are debating at The Palace Theatre this evening and we assisted with the security clearance for the audience. One little old lady smacked me with her purse when I reminded her that the Secret Service had limited purse size to 6 inches by 6 inches. She told me her lipstick was in there and she was not walking out to her car...harumph. My hand to God, that purse was only slightly smaller than a shopping bag. Well...someone a lot taller and bigger than I am stepped up and told her the purse needed to be locked in her car or she would not be allowed to attend the debate. She smacked me a good one too. You will be proud to know that I did NOT say, "Nanner nanner nanner!"

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Mort is Miffed

Morty has attached himself to me and made it very clear he does not like to be left behind. Ginglebelle could give a hearty high ho as long as the food bowl is full. If I sit down, Morty is on my lap. If I am walking he is under my feet and last night he slept on my neck. OK Mort, I get like me at home. That's ok buddy, I like to be home too.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

OH MAN...vacation is over!

We went from 85 and sunny to 40 and blowing rain. Holy Moly Martha...bring me my long underwear! I was so glad we packed yesterday afternoon as I don't think there is anything more depressing than going back to your cabin the last night and packing to go home. After breakfast we went through customs and THE DIRTY DOZEN headed back to Myrtle Beach. Everybody was talking about going home, unpacking and taking a nap except for TommyB and I. Some idiot booked a wedding for this evening so we have to work. If I wasn't the idiot who booked the wedding I would be REALLY ticked!

Friday, January 18, 2008

Last Day At Sea

Well, I have one person not speaking to me. I told Debi about this great tanning lotion I bought last year in Cozumel so she bought a bottle while we were there. Debi is olive skinned and we had spent the last 5 days in the sun...who knew she would burn? Well...ha ha, guess what? Debi has a dandy burn and apparently she didn't put the lotion on evenly because her burn is rather...uhhh, striped. Chris and I didn't laugh too much. OK, we did but we tried to do it when Debi wasn't around. Debi, I PROMISE, I really didn't think you would burn. Well , John and Jennifer won the award for "Most Disgusting Breakfast Topic". The 12 of us ate breakfast at different times and places and if you ate in the main dining room the hostess always asks if you would like to share a table. When the hostess asked if they would like to share a table Jen said yes before John could say no and it went downhill from there. There were 8 people at their table and everyone but John and Jen had a recent surgery or procedure to discuss. Colonoscopy's, knee or hip replacement and cataract surgery are always popular topics but John and Jen hit the jackpot. There was a lady at their table who had recent surgery for her plantars wart and apparently the wart was coming back. She very generously offered to show John and Jen the wart but they politely declined. OH...that wasn't the only award! Mark & Donna received the Short Bus Award for fitting in with our group so well. Sid was awarded the Disco Turtle for his dancing display at Studio 52 and the crew is still talking about THAT night. Doug received the coveted Blackjack Lucky Bitch award and the race was tight but after three tied votes it was decided that TommyB earned the FART PANTIES award. No explanation necessary. Everybody is bummed this evening. We are all "sort of" ready to go home but we have had such a good time we aren't ready for it to end yet. Oh well, guess it's time to put our big girl panties on and go back to the real world. Do we have to???

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Key West

Rum Runners, Sunset in Mallory Square, chickens everywhere AND Irish Kevin's! Hmmm, must be Key West. We docked shortly after 4pm and after a brief visit with Customs we were on our way to see the sites. We were hungry (we hadn't eaten in almost 2 hrs!) and stopped at a sidewalk cafe for drinks and sandwiches. We apparently ain't the brightest bunch of people on two feet. Brian and Chris ordered the same sandwich except Brian asked for extra spicy and Chris asked for mild. The sandwiches arrived but after one bite Chris's eyes were streaming tears and Brian was complaining his sandwich was hardly spicy at all. I'm too embarrassed to tell you how long it took to occur to us that hmmm, perhaps the sandwiches were switched? After passing the sandwiches to their rightful owners and a glass of milk for Chris we paid our bill and headed out to find the bar where Doug, Chris, TommyB and I had such a good time last year. You haven't lived until you see TommyB in a Viking Hat leading the crowd in football cheers. Oh yes, he was a vision to behold. It didn't take us long to find Irish Kevin's and before the evening was over Sid and Debi had joined us as well. The entertainer/singer was a hoot and decided to pick on our TommyB. Ole TommyB was sitting with his arms folded across his chest and out of the blue the entertainer said, "Will ya look at that guy in the blue shirt? He's twisting his own nipples!" So now TommyB is known as THE DOUBLE BREASTED NIPPLE TWISTER. We had a great time and were not ready for the evening to end. The big excitement for the day was watching the stragglers running as fast as they could run to get back to the ship before they were left behind. OH DARN....left behind in Key West! Bummer! You can check out the action at Irish Kevin's on their web cams at .

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Elvis was in Cozumel!

I LOVE Cozumel! Affordable shopping, a pier instead of a tender, great food and reasonable prices. We all went shopping and I ventured out on my own for the afternoon. When Barb and I were here last February we came across a great little family restaurant that made the best guacamole...EVER. I managed to find the restaurant on the first try and spent two hours sipping Margarita's, reading my book and enjoying the chips and guacamole. After returning to the ship, I spent the rest of the afternoon on the sun deck reading followed by a 3 hour nap! A few of THE DIRTY DOZEN (The Filthy Six?) consumed all the tequila at Carlo's and Charlies in addition to Senor Frog's entire liquor supply for 2008. Chris bought TommyB a lovely souvenir burgundy and gold (very tasteful) sombrero but TommyB threw a blue butt monkey fit and refused to wear his hat. Well...his loss. Sid now has the hat, LOVES to wear it and none of us have the heart to him he looks like Topo Gigo from the old Ed Sullivan Show. The local police department were kind enough to return our group to the ship and I don't want to name names but let's just leave it at not ALL of us are welcome back in Cozumel. Apparently The Filthy Six met up with Elvis at Senor Frog's and brought him back to join our group. What a night! Elvis did a Sunset Performance from the top deck and the entire ship screamed, yelled and applauded. The only negative comment that I heard were a few of the older ladies requested Elvis to remove his truss. Oh well, you can't please everybody.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Grand Cayman

7 Mile, what a beautiful place. It's hard to believe the deep blue, rich color of the water is even more intense than the postcard pictures. The water is crystal clear and I thought I was looking down into about 3 feet of water and found out instead of 3 feet it was 30 feet. Amazing, all the beautiful fish, white sand and turquoise water. Grand Cayman is a banking and shopping mecca but unfortunately most of the shopping was waaaay out of my budget. John and Jen took the submarine excursion, Mark and Donna shopped, Doug, Chris, Brian and Megan went to 7 Mile Beach where Doug made an interesting discovery. It appears to be a skull ...hmm, anybody have Nancy Grace's phone number? Chris plans to use the skull to hold paper clips and rubber bands until she hears from Nancy. Debi, Sid, TommyB and I toured the downtown area and went back to the little waterfront bar TommyB and I found last year. Anytime someone mentions a perfect day I know this afternoon will be one of the first memories that comes to mind.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Won't you let me take you on a sea cruise? Ooooheee Oooheee Baby!

It was a really tough day but with the help of two naps...I managed to survive. The day was spent on Deck 10 reading, laughing at yellow Speedo man (he also had matching yellow Croc's AND yellow sunglasses) and enjoying the sun. I used plenty of sun screen and did just fine but some of our group didn't think they needed sun screen. They were wrong. Several of us went to one of the lounges this evening and enjoyed the live music. I'm not sure enjoyed is the right word but we were certainly entertained. The group was called Amadeus and consisted of two Asian girls and a piano player. They have beautiful voices but whoever made their musical selections should be smacked...hard. They opened their show with Neal Sedaka's CALENDAR GIRLS and it went like this, "I wuve I wuve my wittle cowander gurl! tart the weer off fine...Febuwary..You're my wittle valwentine!" Of course our group thought this was hysterical and requested Whitney Houston's hit I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, Neil Diamond's SWEET CAROLINE plus any other song we could think of that had a lot of L's. At least nobody can say we are hard to entertain.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Souvenir Glasses and Chris's Dobbers

Anyone who has ever been on a cruise is very familiar with the souvenir glass. The cocktail waiters and waitresses prowl the pool and sun deck constantly taking drink orders and trying to upsell to the souvenir glass which of course costs more. The first day the glass just appears and you think, "Oh OK, I really really need a neon pink glass on my desk for pens and pencils." By the time the 4th glass appears you start to get a little testy. AGAIN...I DO NOT WANT THE SOUVENIR GLASS, JUST PUT MY DAIQUIRI IN A REGULAR GLASS THANK YOU VERY MUCH. This afternoon Doug had enough of the uninvited and unwanted souvenir glasses and told our waiter that if he brought another one it would be pitched over the side of the ship with the waiter still attached. Hmmm, I think that was the last of the souvenir glasses for Doug! However, the rest of us were not so lucky. Think ebay would be interested in a set of 12 neon colored souvenir glasses? back to Chris's Dobbers. Last night we were all on the deck enjoying the band, having a few drinks and Chris & Megan got in the hot tub. Chris performed a short water ballet routine and was working on her encore when suddenly her dobbers fell clear out of her swim suit. We all thought about telling her but....naaaaaaa it was more fun to sit back and laugh. Even made Yellow Speedo Man's eyebrows stand at attention.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

All Aboard!

The twelve of us arranged to meet in the South end of town and condense 6 vehicles to 2 cars and 1 pickup that seats 4 adults. OK...two of those adults have to be rather short stature but fortunately Sid and Debi fit that bill and in fact they were body doubles for the Munchkins in The Wizard Of Oz. Of course we had more luggage than would fit easily into the cars and the pickup bed was designated as the "over flow luggage area". You can never have too many shoes, right Chris? John brought trash bags to put the luggage in (in case it rained) and huge sheets of plastic to cover the bed of the truck and of course...what else?? DUCT TAPE! We looked like a genuine redneck parade going down Hwy 17 with plastic and duct tape flapping in the breeze. It was a proud proud moment for all of us. I have been the one who put this little excursion together so guess who was over 30 minutes late? Yep, that would be me. HEY! I had to stop and pickup my dry cleaning which led to another drama as I had asked them to fold my clothes and my plan was to s l i d e my clothes ever so gently into my suitcase. Well...ppphhhhuuu. They had put my clothes in boxes and not only could I not get the boxes open to retrieve my clothes, my luggage was at the bottom of the pile so I tossed the boxes in the back and we took off for Charleston. About halfway to Charleston it dawned on us that we would be entering a military ship yard and would need to present our passports and cruise tickets. I had my passport but unfortunately it was in the side pocket of my buried suitcase. Chris had all 4 passports for her family but her other three family members were in another car. We stop at the first gate and of course I have to dig my suitcase out from the bottom of the pile, Chris is running down the line of traffic looking for her family to give them their passports, people are honking and yelling at us and TommyB and Brian just pretended not to know who we were. We finally get through security, all three vehicles in the covered parking garage and the unloading begins. I swear we look like the Clampitt's....what a crew! Our cabins are on the same floor as the casino and when we booked this trip being close to the casino seemed like a great idea. One of these days I will learn that it is much more efficient for me to take my "allotted" gambling money and flush it down the toilet on the first day. That way the outcome is the same and I don't have to worry about it the rest of the trip. It is a beautiful night and we are all meeting up on the sun deck and check out the hot tubs. Tough life.

Friday, January 11, 2008

It was a really good plan!

I was going to work until Noon, let the carpet cleaners in at the rental, go home to take a nap, take Rosemary out to dinner, finish packing and be in bed by 9. Well...ppffffffftb. After completing 7 new proposals (of course I whined every step of the way) I left work about 2 and had to call Rosemary to let the carpet cleaners in as they beat me home. Just as I walked in the door the rental management company called and wanted to meet me at the rental for a walk through and sign the paperwork. Sigh..OK. I meet the agent and he tells me that if I can finish the cabinets and get all my crap (the way he said it was much nicer) he would start showing it this weekend. FINE So, I am boxing up my supplies (4 trips to the car), put the third coat of sealer on the cabinet doors, wipe down the counters AGAIN and by this time its 6pm. Soooooo, I walk over to Rosemary's and she wipes the white cabinet dust off my ample behind (navy blue pants, very attractive), I wipe the sweat off, wash my hands and we go to dinner. Dinner at Lone Star was wonderful...filet, grilled shrimp and TommyB had the ribs. I took Rosemary and TommyB home and THEN went to the mall to get my nails done. I got home, threw a load in the washer, STARTED packing and I don't care if it rains for the next 7 days. My behind is going to be in a deck chair reading my book! Don't you know my friends are looking forward to spending the next week with me??

Thursday, January 10, 2008

One more day. One more day. One more day.

That's what I keep telling myself! I have to get my desk cleaned off tomorrow and then it's time to pack and leave for our cruise. I plan to spend 7 days sitting in the sun reading or 7 days on the observation deck in a big comfy chair reading and watching it rain. Know what? I'm FINE either way. This is our second year for this group to travel together and we have so much fun. Nobody is quite right so we have a lot in common.
Myrtle Beach hosted the Republican debates this evening at The Palace Theatre. Ron Paul did a "walk about" with his supporters and the media at Broadway At The Beach this afternoon and for whatever reason BATB still has their Christmas decorations up. We aren't talking a candle in the window wreath on the door...we are talking forty foot trees and a butt load of larger than lifesize deer dressed in little outfits which I find a little Stephen Kingish. I was thinking good grief, we have known these folks are going to be here in January for how long now? A year? we take our decorations down after Christmas like normal people? Naaaaaa......look at it this way, we're already decorated for Christmas of 2008!

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

SOME people.

Picture this...I am on a step ladder, painting the inside of a kitchen cabinet, paint in my hair, spritzing to high heaven and my phone rings. It's my good buddy Chris....she had just left the tanning salon, had her hair done, manicure, pedicure AND she wants to know if I'm packed yet! Packed? Uhhhh, no and not only am I NOT packed but my hair isn't done (done sounds so much better than bleached), I sure as heck am not tan, and I haven't had a manicure or pedicure. However, I did use gasoline and a wire brush to get the paint off of my arms.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008


For someone who LOVES shoes, I work way too close to The Rack Room...and it would probably make things simpler for everybody if I just had my paycheck sent directly to The Rack Room. When I die I plan to be cremated but there has to be a viewing because Anny insists that she has to actually see someone laid out in a casket before she can accept that they are dead. That last statement bothers me. What makes Anny so sure I'm going first? OK, back to the shoes. When I die and am all stretched out in my casket I want the lower part open so you can see what shoes I'm wearing. If it's sandal season please make sure someone buffs my callouses and checks for toe hair. Ha! I bet you are all lining up for that job!

Monday, January 7, 2008

January is supposed to be slow.

What the heck happened? The phone is ringing off the hook, people getting married, business seminars, the Presidential debates and don't even get me started on the Red Hatters. Apparently these people did not read the rules before entering JANNY LAND and the rules very clearly state THOU SHALL NOT MAKE JAN WORK DURING THE MONTH OF JANUARY BECAUSE WE DARN NEAR KILLED HER DURING THE MONTH OF DECEMBER . Lord knows I don't ask for much (we all know that is a big lie but just ignore it) and I really don't think it's asking too much to be allowed to veg quietly in my cubette (it's a cubette because it's too small to be called a cube) and totally ignore January. You will have to excuse me now....think I feel a big pout coming on.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Bimini's Oyster Bar

Steamed oysters on Sunday nights has become somewhat of a tradition for TommyB, Rosemary and I. I did break rank and ordered fried oysters and shrimp instead of steamed and received a moderate razing from TommyB. We had the worst waitress in history this evening. I asked 4 (FOUR!) times for a slice of lemon for my water and never did get it...I ended up taking the one on my dinner plate. We never received any drink refills, Tom wanted another beer but apparently he got the last one in the restaurant. We assume he got the last one because if there were more available to sell I'm sure any waitress would have asked if he would like another one. We were there less than an hour and she was in the bathroom at least five times. That means she either has some kind of gastric issue (and with my luck it's contagious), a Readers Digest hidden in there or all of her tips are going up her nose. Sure hope she has a backup plan on how to support herself because she's going to be living in a van down by the river if she continues as a waitress.
It was beautiful today so I finally got the Christmas lights and "Morty's tree" taken down from the screened porch. Morty is less than pleased and could not understand why I had taken down his bird/squirrel/turtle/heron watching perch. Poor Mort has fallen out of that tree so many times I was debating on getting him one of those buttons you wear around your neck for when YOU HAVE FALLEN AND CAN'T GET UP. I worry about that old lady...hope the paramedics finally arrived and got her back on her feet because best I can figure she has been laying in that hallway about 5 years now. I really would like to have one of those buttons. Oh, I don't need it because I fall down but I sure could use some help getting things off the top shelf or bringing in the half ton of cat food Morty and Ginglebelle go through each week. is help and if I pay the fee I will press that button any darned time I feel like pressing a button. Any bets on how quickly my button would be confiscated?

Saturday, January 5, 2008

My memory is shot...or is it?

I live in a large condo complex and have intoduced myself to the same couple three times. They are probably convinced that I am either the stupidest person on the face of the earth or recently escaped from a mental institution. I seem to remember the important things like lunch dates and days off but doctors appointments...pfffftbt. Not so much. I never forget to stock up on cat food because it only takes one or two times of waking up with a 15 lb (sorry Gingles, a lady should never tell another ladies weight) cat standing on your chest and four pointy little feet cutting off your oxygen. I also NEVER forget to buy Diet Cherry Coke because, well...apparently I need it to survive and Clamato Juice! I may be out of laundry detergent for two weeks but I always remember to buy Diet Cherry Coke and Clamato Juice. I have memory loss or have I learned the male trait of "selective memory"? Hmmm, I may be onto something, if I can just remember what it was.

Friday, January 4, 2008

LOVE Fridays!

Especially when I have the WHOLE weekend off AND only one more week until vacation! The Christmas decorations are still up so I guess I better deal with chore on Saturday. has been colder than a well diggers behind since the day after Christmas but in true South Carolina style it's supposed to be 60 tomorrow. Since Christmas was at Eddie's this year I don't have anything to take down inside and not a lot outside so it shouldn't take long to get it all packed up and put away. The outside storage closet really really needs to be emptied and reorganized but I don't know if I can get to that this weekend or not, probably depends on my nap schedule.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

My ears itch, my throat is sore AND I have a headache.

If I get sick less than a week before I go on vacation I will be sooo ticked! Stayed home today and drank enough water to float a boat. Did you know it's possible to nap when you are on the john? can! Apparently I'm not real bright because everytime I got up to go to the bathroom I drank another glass of water. Guess I really do need to read up on this whole cause and effect thing.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

It's COLD!

Yep, I have Goldilocks syndrome. First it was too hot
and now it's too cold. Not only are the temperatures in the 30's but the wind cuts to the bone. Poor ole Ginglebelle made her usual dash to get out the front door until she received a blast of Artic air right to the face and then she stopped so fast I think she left skid marks in the hall. Debi and I went to McAllisters for lunch today and ordered two bowls of chili. One to eat and one to put our feet in to keep warm.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

OK, I'm scared.

My Grandma always told me to be careful what you do January 1st because that sets the tone for remainder of the year. We had 200 people for dinner this evening and I swear they were way over their limit for grouchy old people. Most of them were sweet as they could be but boy oh boy the grouchy ones were a tad over the top. One lady yelled at me because she is diabetic and couldn't eat the dessert. "I am so sorry Mam, did you tell your tour planner you are diabetic?" " didn't?" I found her an apple and a banana and WANTED to say.."Lady, I'm not exactly sure how you expect us to know you are diabetic if you don't tell us but I ain't Miss Cleo and cannot read your mind." I still haven't lost my touch with the geriatric set and managed to maintain my title as the OFFICIAL OLD MAN MAGNET OF MYRTLE BEACH. If there is a man age 80 or above, with polyester pants hiked up to his arm pits, one tuft of white hair sticking straight up, upper OR lower (but never both) dentures and nose hair so thick that it could be braided....STAND BACK! He's mine, all mine. I don't know how they search me out but they do every single time. After work this evening John & Jenn, Tom & Janie, TommyB, Rosemary and I had a wonderful dinner at Umi Pacific. Hopefully our night out is the event that will set the tone for the new year as I cannot think of a better way to begin 2008!