Tuesday, July 31, 2007

A day at HOME

It was a bacon and eggs for breakfast, a load or two of laundry, play a game, read a story and bake two cakes kinda day. In other words...A GREAT DAY! We didn't leave the house at all and Matthew didn't get out of his pajamas until dinner time. If we hadn't invited people over for dinner he probably wouldn't have gotten dressed at all. Kim, her mother (Alice), Cameron and Tom joined us for pork loin and potatoes this evening. I baked two pork loins (same size) side by side and one of them was delicious and moist and the other one bore a definite resemblance to sawdust. Guess I am more of a Betty Crackpot than a Betty Crocker. Of course the angel food cake and rum cake were hits. After dinner we walked back to Kim's and the boys had a great time playing while Kim, Polly, Tom and I played Wii. Polly, Matthew and I walked home and Matthew found a tree frog on the steps. Before Polly and I could even speak Matthew picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. If we hadn't seen it happen one of us would have had a real surprise when we did laundry! I swear little boys are a hoot.

Monday, July 30, 2007

I been everywhere man..oh yeah, I been everywhere.

Maybe not everywhere but it sure feels like I have been on a marathon trip. It all started when Polly called me at 10:30 PM on Saturday night to let me know there was a change in our plans and could I come up to Benson, NC to pick her up on Sunday morning instead of her driving to Myrtle Beach. Of course I can. Oh...did I mention our final destination on Sunday was Edisto Beach? So I left Myrtle Beach at 7 AM and arrived in Benson, NC about 10 AM. Polly and I visited with Naomi for about an hour and then we headed to Edisto Beach, SC. In case you don't have a map handy...we passed Myrtle Beach (second time that day for me) at about 2 PM. Poor Matthew was about to starve to death so we made a flying loop through a McDonalds and snagged a box of Chicken McNuggets with ranch dressing. I was sitting in the second seat with Matthew and we put his chicken nuggets and ranch dip on the middle fold down seat. Matthew was saying the blessing when Mario "Polly" Andretti hit the gas and sent the nuggets and ranch flying into the third seat in the van. Sooo, Matthew and I gathered up the nuggets, scraped up the ranch dressing and had lunch. HEY...sometimes you have to make sacrifices on road trips. By the time we got to Charleston we decided we had been in the car long enough and it was time for a break. We parked at the Visitors Center and walked down to the old slave market...hot, oh my goodness was it hot. We took the horse and carriage history tour and saw all the beautiful antebellum homes along The Battery and enjoyed the breeze coming off the ocean. Well, two of us did, Matthew slept the entire time. We continued our journey on to Edisto Beach and arrived about 7 PM. We arrived just in time to have dinner with Barb, Rich, Jerry, Janie, Sue, John, and Janie's daughter Kirsty. The condo they are renting for the week is very nice and has a pool right outside the front door. Barb, Rich, Polly, Matthew and I shared a room and Matthew thought that was the greatest thing EVER! He loves Rich and Banana Barb. We read a few stories and then Matthew wanted to sing Old McDonald before we went to sleep. We would all sing the Old McDonald verse and take turns naming the animals. Poor Richard was eliminated because he repeated the same animal....not once but twice. Matthew was very disappointed in Richard's performance and it showed in his voice when he told Richard that he couldn't play anymore. Richard was quite hurt because he didn't know there were rules for Old McDonald. Matthew fell asleep with one hand in his mothers hair and his other hand in mine. He was a happy boy.
We spent the morning playing at the pool and Barb brought us ham sandwiches with her homemade mustard and of course salt & vinegar chips. After lunch Polly and I thanked our hosts for their gracious hospitality and headed back to Myrtle Beach. Polly was driving and we came through one of the worst rain storms I've ever been in. We would drive out of it and then it would catch us again. Matthew was so tired from swimming that he slept all four hours coming home. About the time we hit the edge of Myrtle Beach Matthew sat up and said, "I want schetti." Polly and I decided that sounded good to us too so we ate at Villa Mare. Matthew had his schetti while Pol and I had the best lasagna that I've put in my mouth. The garlic bread was also very good. We stopped for milk at the grocery store and finally got back to my house about
7 PM. Morty and Ginglebelle were so glad to see us! Matthew played with them until we went to bed. Polly was laying on the couch watching TV and Ginglebelle jumped up to lay beside her. Well, Morty The Psycho couldn't stand that and he bristled up, ran across the room and ran Ginglebelle away from Polly. Morty didn't want up there but that doesn't mean he wanted Ginglebelle up there either. That was the first time Polly thumped "poor Morty" on the head. Matthew and I slept great but Morty moved his indoor play ground to the guest room. Apparently Polly didn't sleep as well as Matthew and I. Personally I think Polly is just a big old tattletale AND a whiner.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Ever been to a Wii party?

Well, I hadn't either but it is fun! Kim invited a few people over Saturday evening for an evening of friendly competition. You haven't lived until you have 4 grown men playing doubles tennis in your living room. OH...they also boxed but that is another story. We did have a few injuries but nothing too disfiguring, requiring stitches or a cast. Who knew you could work up such a sweat playing a video game. Good friends plus good food equals a great evening.

Friday, July 27, 2007

1 Wedding and 2 Reunions

Tomorrow should be interesting. We start out with a wedding at 2PM, a family reunion at 6PM and another reunion at 7PM. Always makes it interesting when we use both banquet spaces at the same time. Each event lasts a minimum of three hours so there will be a lot of running up and down the stairs plus it doubles the wait staff and puts a real strain on the kitchen but it will be a good weekend for revenue.

Karl, Jennifer, Debi and I had lunch at Amechi's this afternoon...love their stuffed shells. Debi and I stopped at several of the shops on the way back to the aquarium but neither one of us bought anything. That was rare but it's really too early for the good sales and not much was marked down yet. There are a ton of tourists in town this week, almost as crowded as the week of the 4th. Ever hear of a "touron"? It's a cross between a tourist and a moron and they must be having a convention in Myrtle Beach this week. There were four lanes of traffic heading south and I was in the right center lane when a "touron" in the far right lane cut across all four lanes of traffic to turn left and oh yes, he also ran a red light making his turn. Yep, has to be a convention and I almost met their president.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Picking Your Battles

Polly and Eddie were in middle school age and driving me NUTS. Polly had discovered makeup and perfume and applied both with a liberal hand. Our bathroom looked like the Clinique counter at Dillard's. Dave and I would be enjoying a few minutes of peace reading the paper, listening to the news and Polly would breeze through the family room looking like "a working girl" and trailing a heavy scent that hung like a rain cloud long after she had departed the room. We had enough blue eye shadow in our house to make up the entire Rockette dance line for at least a year. Eddie was not into makeup or perfume to that degree (OK, we did go through a raccoon eye phase) but oh my goodness the mouth. Eddie HAD to have the last word or her head would explode. It didn't matter what the word was....it just had to be the last word spoken. Our family have always been readers but it was during this time that they veered away from what I considered apropriate and read nothing but Sweet Valley High books. My mother gave me some very good advise. So what if the books they are reading are "trashy". They are reading and will discover on their own that there are good books out there. The makeup also took care of itself. Thank goodness Polly finally decided she didn't want to look like a "lady of the evening" and now it's a rare morning when she has time to put on moisturizer let alone makeup. As for Eddie always having to have the last word....guess we will have to check with her husband Mike for the answer to that question.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

School Clothes

Eddie and I have been chatting about things that happened when all three kids were still at home and this incident happened during Eddie's freshman year in high school. I was Assistant Registrar at the high school and my office was used by my children and their friends for everything from storage to counseling. Each year the kids received a set amount to spend for school clothes at the beginning of the year and they could choose (within reason) what they wanted. The Guess brand was really popular that year and Dillards had a Guess skirt with matching blouse and sweater that Eddie really really really wanted but it would take all of her clothing allowance plus some of her own money. We told her if she wanted it that badly she could use her babysitting money but it was foolish to spend all of her clothing allowance on one outfit. Of course she bought the outfit and wore it on the first day of school. Well, about 9:30 AM Eddie and two of her best friends came flying into my office, slammed the door shut and tears were flying in every direction. TRAGEDY had struck! Someone else had on the same outfit on the same day and she was NEVER EVER wearing it AGAIN! Everybody at school had seen the two of them in the same outfit, her life was RUINED. I tried to reason with Eddie and reminded her that happens all the time, no big deal...you know all the "Momisms". So what if another girl bought the same outfit. It was about that time that one of her friends told me that it wasn't another girl who had on the outfit. It was Brandon.....a senior guy who was also a transvestite. Eddie you are now 36....is this funny yet?

P.S. Eddie and I went shopping that night.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


I received the email below from my oldest daughter, Polly, and it reminded me of the days of umpteem loads of daily laundry. There are a lot of things I miss about having my children grown and on their own but all the laundry is not one of them! When the kids were in 7th or 8th grade we were doing the regular weekly cleaning and I requested all the dirty clothes be brought to me in the laundry room first so I could get started on the never ending pile. About halfway through the mound I came across clean clothes that were still folded that they had neglected to put away. The real deal breaker was when I found shirts STILL ON THE HANGERS! OK, that's when my voice hit an octave that only dogs can hear and had what my family calls a "blue butt monkey fit". I called a "meeting" and announced that from that day forward everyone was responsible for their own laundry. I quit, I resign, not doing it anymore, here is the Tide, there is the Downy and good luck. The payoff came when Eddie was a freshman at IU. She called home one night and said, "I just wanted to say thank you." I told her that was very sweet but what was she thanking me for. Well, apparently Eddie was one of the few in her dorm who knew how to do laundry and had not ruined her wardrobe the first week away from home. She wanted to say thank you for teaching her to be responsible. Wow, all those good things came from a foot stomping, screaming maniac temper tantrum. Polly's email is below and I hope it makes you chuckle.

Katy and Sarahs job today was to keep laundry moving. Which included rotating loads, folding, and putting away. Well I came home and apparently they didn't care for their job too much. They learned that the bigger the load, the more they had to fold, and the more they had to put away....soooooooo they figured out if they washed 5 pairs of undies and rotated to the dryer and washed 5 pairs of socks and so on, there wouldn't be that much to fold and put away. Mind you we have just come back from a week long trip (a family of 6, with one guest) AND I have a super capacity washer and dryer that holds 12 pairs of jeans at a time. Needless to say I came home to just about the same mountain of laundry as when I left with the exception of the one pair of undies and one pair of socks that were mine. To add to the story Tory was in charge of putting away my clothes,,,,,,well she too did not care for her job and decided to put my undies and socks where ever it was easiest (not necessarily my sock drawer) sooooooooo, the one pair of socks and the one pair of undies that were apparently washed (this derived from the statement of the laundry girls who said we all had at least one pair each washed ,dried, and folded) are no where to be found. I imagine I will go to work tomorrow in inside out undies, sandals, bermuda shorts and my "bloomies" t- shirt. I have reinvented the Corporate World Attire.

I did chuckle though when the laundry girls were questioned as to why they had washed so many "mini" loads, at least they were honest and admitted it was less for them to fold. :)

Guess what job they have again tomorrow.......



Monday, July 23, 2007

Looooong Day

If my phone rang once today it rang 75 times and to top it off our receptionist tends "to wander". I heard more than one person mention duct taping her behind to the chair tomorrow and I will be more than happy to supply the tape. The biggest excitement today were the cooler temps and low humidity and on behalf of all the old fat people in Myrtle Beach..thank you very much!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Jodi Picoult scores again.

I finally dug in and finished SALEM FALLLS and it is good, just took longer than usual to get interesting. Whew, I was getting worried Jodi...thought you had lost your touch.
Today has pretty much consisted of Morty sleeping on my chest while I read or watched a movie. Morty has decided that I am his personal possession and hisses at poor Ginglebelle if she even tries to get up on my lap. They finally came to an agreement that Morty can sleep on my shoulder while Ginglebelle lays beside me in the recliner. Kitty sibling rivalry...who knew.
PRARIE HOME COMPANION with Meryl Streep and Lilly Tomlin is on HBO this month. I had been wanting to see this movie but hadn't taken the time until today. I throughly enjoyed it but if you are looking for an action movie..this ain't it! A lot of my favorite actors are featured. Tommy Lee Jones, Kevin Kline, Virginia Madsen, Woody Harrelson just to name a few. Anyway, if you have the opportunity it's certainly worth watching. Love days like today...two naps, a good book AND a good movie.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

The Vulture Stalk

When I arrived at the aquarium this morning I had to do the "vulture stalk" to find a parking place. You know the vulture stalk....that's where you creep along in your car following pedestrains who you HOPE are getting in their car to leave and not just dropping off packages. I hate doing that but it was either vulture stalk or park on the other side of Broadway.
I have been behind getting contracts out and all those other mundane necessary tasks but by the time I left this evening everything was current. It's amazing how much work you can actually complete when the phone isn't constantly ringing. I brought my portable DVD player in with me, put on the headphones and watched/listened to old movies while I cranked out the paperwork. The earphones also deter people from stopping by to chat. :-) The two family reunions we had today could not have gone any smoother. Everyone arrived ALMOST on time, enjoyed each others company and were very complimentary. Today helped makeup for last nights debacle.
Tom and I were leaving at the same time this evening and decided to stop and get a bite to eat at Isle of Morada on the way home. Good food, good company, good time. After dinner we called Kim and see if she was up for a waterway party. Tressa and Cameron had gone to NASCAR Park with their Daddy so we caught her at a good time. The humidity and temperature are way down and with the breeze made it a very pleasant evening. Lots of boat traffic this evening and a few catfish fishermen. That's all she wrote! Nitey nite all.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Family Reunions or WHY I'M GLAD I'M AN ONLY CHILD

It must be July...family reunions are booming at the aquarium. The one for this evening was especially delightful. It was scheduled to begin at 6 PM and the first guest finally arrived at 7:30 PM but I have come up with a great idea. Anytime I book a family reunion I am going to increase the price enough to cover the cost of a GIANT wrist watch for each family member. I wish I could say being late is not the norm for family groups but unfortunately it is not unusual. Chef Steve was ready to throw the food in the dumpster and scream, "NO CHICKEN FOR YOU!" To make it even better they happened to be one of the "messy" groups. Lord, Lord, Lord....even with three wait staff cleaning as fast as they could go it looked like food fight night at the frat house. We have two more reunions tomorrow but nothing scheduled for Sunday...thank you, thank you, thank you!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Today was a ton of fun!

Ever had a nerve receptor test? Well neither had I until today. Can't say it hurts, maybe a bit uncomfortable but very entertaining. The technician attaches electrodes to your hands and arms (or whatever body parts they are testing) and then turns the little dial until your hand flies up and smacks you in the face or in the case of my left hand....just lays there with an occasional twitch. Oh yeah, just a laugh a minute. The next fun activity planned for me is a muscle receptor test and this one sounds like a real barrel of laughs. Here is the way it was explained. OK...the Doctor will INSERT a LONG needle into various muscles and test their reaction with varying degrees of electrical current. Hmmm, how varying and who gets to decide when enough is enough? My guess is that person will not be the one wearing the ever so attractive gown that ties in the back. Well, boy howdy....does that sound like a good time or WHAT?? Guess that will not be a good day to wear my aluminum foil underwear.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


I do not know what the exact temperature was today but it was hotter than hells door knob. So do we stay in our nice cool office...NOOOOOOO, we do a sales road trip! We are in and out of the car about 37 times and each time we get back in the car it is even hotter. I think she was trying to kill me so I would quit telling people how she abandoned me during my time of need yesterday. My shoulder hurt, my neck hurt and more importantly I had sweat running down my back and my makeup was a puddle on my chest. I also think I have a rash. NEW RULE: All outside sales calls will be made during the month of January.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Far out Dude, is it 1968....again?

Today was the next step in trying to figure out why my neck and shoulder have decided to suddenly disintegrate after 57 years of faithful service. The first person to YELL because you are OLD will be smacked. I have to say of all the fun things I have been doing these past few weeks today was the absolute BEST! As you know,I had already discovered that a closed MRI is not my cup of tea, however. the type of test I needed required a closed unit. Dr. Jordan said I could have a light sedation, would that be all right? Well...DUH, heck yes it will be all right! If I had known that sedation was an option I would have had the closed MRI on the first stop. Geez, helllllo people??? You are talking to a child of the 60's here!
You all know how much I LOVE asking for help but the MRI center insisted that I would need a driver and someone to be in the waiting room while I am La La Land or as my family & friends call it... Janny Land. My friend Debi said, "DO NOT worry, I WILL BE there!" "You KNOW you can count on me to be there with you!" "I willl NOT let you down!" Ummm, I think she even said it more than once, gave me a hug and hummed a chorus of a song by The Jackson Five, I'LL BE THERE. Soooooo, I get to work this morning and I see Debi packing up sales materials with car keys in hand. She looks me right in the eye and says, "OH...was that today?" Well.....let's just say thank goodness my REAL friend Libby stepped up to the plate and stayed by my side during my time of need. Oh all right that's not EXACTLY the way it happened but I do plan to work Debi's guilt real gooood.
Lib and I arrived at the Long Bay MRI center in plenty of time to do the mountain of paperwork and then came the little magic cup for my trip to Janny Land. As I am getting settled for my test the tech came in with a sheet, put my arms to my sides and proceeded to wrap me (very tightly) mummy style from shoulder to ankle. I bunny hopped over to the table praying there wouldn't be a fire because there is no possible way I could remove myself from this getup in time to save myself. Thank goodness I was entering the city limits of Janny Land or I am afraid this whole "wrapped up like a mummy and trapped in a clanging tube" would have gotten very ugly very quickly. Even with the sedation the test didn't end anytime too soon.
Lib and I grabbed a bite to eat at Salsaritas on the way home and I planned to nap and maybe watch a movie. Well, I turned on the TV (I know this because when I eventually woke up the TV was on) pulled up the afghan and awakened 5 hrs later. My cell phone was laying next to my cordless phone and one of them was ringing. I remember thinking, "Hmm, wonder which one of them is ringing?" Apparently that question didn't interest me enough to actually pick one of them up and say something brilliant like, oh maybe....hello? Me thinks I took the nap of all naps this afternoon.
My next appointment with Dr. Jordan is on the 19th and I hope to have some answers. Other than being wrapped mummy style in a sheet and bunny hopping in front of perfect strangers...today was not so bad. Except for being dumped by Debi, that hurt.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Morty becomes a man.

Poor Morty, the date has been set for the removal of his hoohaws and I feel like I should be planning a Bar Mitzvah or maybe a Bris. Morty now weighs a whooping 4 lbs 8 oz and received the last of his kitten shots this morning. The poor little guy was sound asleep in his favorite chair when I came flying through the door like my pants were on fire...running late, as usual. I grabbed the carrier out of the closet, threw in a baby blanket, scooped Morty up in the other hand and zipped him in the carrier. I don't think he really woke up until he was on the examination table with some stranger poking at his "nether regions". I guess the moral to this story is if you are sleeping in your favorite chair and I come flying in the front door...grab your hoohaws and run in the other direction.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Fits and Starts

This has been one of my fits and starts days. I start doing something like dusting or laundry and then I stop and start something else. The only problem with days like this are very few projects are actually completed. So far the only things I have managed to complete are reading the Sunday paper, a Diet Cherry Coke and 5 chapters in the book I'm trying to finish. I had already started this book (see I told you it was a fit and start day) and then got side tracked by Water For Elephants. I tried to convince myself that I NEEDED to read Water For Elephants because it's this months book club selection. Truth be told Water For Elephants is a much better book but I have trouble giving up on a author I like so I will keep plugging away and hopefully the plot on Salem will pickup speed. Jodi Picoult hasn't let me down yet so I am betting this book will be good too.
Polly and family arrived safely in Seattle last night. Katy and Naomi will meet them on Monday...wonder if Linda will be with them. I haven't talked to Eddie since Friday so I don't know what they were up to this weekend but if they had the same rainy weather we did I am betting it was something inside. It is so nice to see everything so green again. You can water all you want to but it's not the same as a good rain.
Ginglebelle is a juvenile delinquent. Every single time the front door opens she makes a run for freedom. I would like to remind her that until the Byrd's rescued her she was living under the porch of a house where a man was threatening to shoot her. The irony here is he was threatening to shoot her for trying to come in the house and I may shoot her for trying to get out! No wonder she is confused.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Toe Hair

When you were 16 did you have toe hair? Well, neither did I and I never dreamed that when I hit 50 shaving my feet would be added to my morning shower ritual. Since we are discussing hair in places where it doesn't belong how about those chin hairs? What is up with that??? Every night before I go to bed I wash my face with an over priced, over promised, wrinkle reducing, puffiness eliminating, eye brightening magic soap followed by an equally over rated under performing night cream. After the cream has been slathered on I lean in REAL close to the mirror, twezzers in hand and check for the dreaded chin hair. Nothing, smooth as a babies bottom. The next morning after my feet have been groomed and my teeth brushed (or my teeth groomed and my feet brushed) I take one last look for the chin hair and OH MY GOSH.....that's not a hair, it's a rope! Where do they come from? NOTHING the night before and the next morning there is something growing out of my chin that appears long enough to anchor a small ship. I'm surprised it didn't wrap around my neck and strangle me in my sleep. Anyone who doesn't believe God has a sense of humor died before they hit 50.

Friday, July 13, 2007

For $10.00 I will give you my Dr.'s phone number

It just keeps getting better and better. I tell you what, for someone who has NEVER had any health problems this whole neck/back thing is a real kick in the head. I wore my loose clothing this morning for my nerve receptor test (just like the instructions said to do) and as I was signing in the receptionist told me the test was canceled but the Doctor wanted to discuss my MRI. Well....I am no rocket scientist but ya gotta know that ain't good! Soooo, I cooled my heels in the waiting room and flipped through a 1991 Newsweek magazine. You will be happy to know that Ross Perot is neck and neck (pun intended) with George Bush, Sr. and newcomer former governor of Arkansas Bill Clinton. Finally Dr. Jordan appeared and he was just a wealth of good news. I have one bulging and two herniated cervical disks, advanced arthritis and severe narrowing of the spinal cord. Apparently the only things I don't have are an ectopic pregnancy and athletes foot. I am now scheduled for another MRI with contrast on Tuesday morning but at least I will be sedated for this test. Not sure why, don't care why just bring on the medication. Here is the real kicker. I made the comment that I guess now was the time to get this weight off and my hand to God this is what he said, "Absolutely NOT, do not change one thing." OK, he said other things too that weren't so pleasing to hear (like possible paralysis) but I gotta tell you...I have no idea what this office visit cost but that one sentence made it worth every penny.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Where were you on Sunday February 9, 1964?

Anny, Bev Parrot and I were at Carol Limoge's house watching John, Paul, George and Ringo's first appearance on Ed Sullivan and from that day forward we love loved LOVED The Beatles! I still remember Anny and I walking home that night in our bermuda shorts and knee socks . We crunched our way through the frozen snow discussing which Beatle was the cutest. Paul, of course...DUH. Anny and I had made a pact before school started that year to wear shorts all winter. Drove our mothers crazy but we (and our red chapped knees) made it until spring. We even ice skated on Harrisons pond in our berumuda shorts and thought we were quite the rebels. That was also the winter that I drove my grandfather's 1962 black Chevy Impala (two door hardtop with a red stripe and red interior, the coolest car EVER) right through the back of the garage. For some reason their garage was built almost a quarter of a mile from the house at the end of a long gravel driveway. The high point of my day was when my Poppy came home from the store and he let me put the car in the garage. I had been parking the car very successfully for almost a year and I still don't know for sure what happened but I am guessing I hit the gas instead of the brake. It was a looooong walk back to the house to tell my grandparents that not only was their car behind the garage instead of in the garage but the garage now had an entrance AND an exit plus a slight tilt to the left. Fortunately Poppy was a Democrat so the tilt to the left was just fine with him.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Eccentric or just plain nuts?

We love Aunt June but to be perfectly honest she has been a bit different her entire life. Until I was an adult I would have sworn her full name was "Poor Aunt June" because that is all I ever heard her called. She is my fathers sister and the last sibling of three boys and three girls. The other sisters and brothers were all reasonably normal with the exception of a TEENY BIT of alcoholism and a questionable marriage or two. Aunt June didn't marry until she was in her 50's and her husband passed away in the early 90's so the only family she has left are nieces and nephews. For the past 10 years or so she has complained about the neighbors stealing the foundation of her house one brick at a time and she also was convinced that an entire family was living in her attic.
LOU:"Aunt June what makes you think there is someone living in the attic?"
AUNT JUNE:"Because I can smell bacon frying."
LOU:"Umm, ok..Aunt June what did you have for breakfast?"
AUNT JUNE:"Same thing I always have toast and bacon."
Bang, bang, bang...the sound of Lou banging her head on the wall.
It was also about this time that we found out Aunt June had a gun.....she shot holes in the ceiling of the dining room and right through the roof. It's not like she is nuts all the time, sometimes she is perfectly lucid but the nuts part has slowly become the norm. About the time she shot down the chandelier my cousins and I decided it was time for her to move to a nearby senior citizen apartment complex....we also took the gun. Three of the six nieces and nephews (Karl, Lisa and Chris we can hear you laughing) moved Aunt June from her home of 30+ years to a duplex and then six months later we did the move all over again when an apartment opened in the senior citizen complex. Lou and I decided that Aunt June had read (probably in the National Enquirer) that empty Cool Whip containers are the currency of the future. Every cabinet we opened rained Cool Whip containers upon our heads. She lives on the 5th floor and insists there is a peeping tom. My feelings are if she is on the 5th floor and there is a peeping tom then he should be pretty darn easy to spot. Aunt June is upset with me and won't call me or accept my calls but she still has her bank statement sent to my house because homeless people come into her apartment at night to sleep on her couch, ransack her papers and steal her food. Sooo, when I opened her bank statement today there were the usual checks written to Publishers Clearning House, Readers Digest Sweepsteaks, The Good Word Sweepstakes and here is the new one...The Amazing Kreskin. This woman is sending over $100 a month to The Amazing Kreskin. Lord, Lord, Lord....brace yourself kids, this is my gene pool.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Goodness gracious, I have an "oughtabeen" haircut.

An "oughtabeen" haircut is what my friend Barb calls a bad haircut because it looks like it "oughtabeen" on a dogs butt. I have such colorful friends. Let's just say my hair is a bit on the short and spikey side but two good things about my hair is it will eventually grow out and it sure won't take long to dye...I mean dry!
Good golly Miss Molly it is hot and humid today. Sid and Debi have arrived safely in the Keys and I cannot begin to imagine how hot it is there. They have the most beautiful tomato garden in town and wouldn't you know as soon as they hit the Myrtle Beach city limits their plants started producing ripe tomatoes at an alarming rate. Oh darn, hate that. In case you haven't figured this out yet I am having a tomato sandwich for supper. Heck, I MAY have two sandwiches! In my book there is nothing better than a fresh tomato sandwich with lots of Hellman mayo.
My arm/neck/shoulder are feeling better. The only medications I am taking are 2 regular Ibuprofen in the morning and one 800 mg Ibuprofen before I go to bed. If I have to go back to the pain meds then I will but for now I am able to manage fine as long as I wear my collar and sling on a regular basis. Hopefully I will hear from Dr. Jordan regarding my MRI tomorrow and my first pain receptor test is in his office on Friday.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Shhhh....I played hooky.

Yep, I did. I stayed home from work and it was a real Betty Crocker day around here. The high point was trying out my new vacuum cleaner. PARTY DUDE! I always said my next vacuum would be a rider. This one isn't a rider but it has to be the next best thing. I tied a concrete block to Ginglebelle and Morty's tails so they didn't get sucked up the hose. OH...I also did three loads of laundry AND made egg custard. HOLD ME BACK!

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Little Frisky is not long for this world.

Little Frisky is my fish and he lives very happily in his very own fish bowl on my kitchen counter along with a partially submerged peace plant. Little Frisky didn't have a name until the Montana grandchildren were here last week and decided he needed a name. He was just THE FISH. OK, this is disgusting but it's the truth so here goes. Ginglebelle refuses to drink out of her fresh clean water bowl on the floor but she will risk breaking her neck to jump on the counter to drink out of the nasty fish bowl. The kids thought this was hysterical and decided THE FISH was seconds away from being cat food....so hence the name, Little Frisky. Well, Little Frisky and Ginglebelle have a good relationship. Ginglebelle jumps on the counter, Little Frisky heads to the bottom of the bowl, Ginglebelle gets a drink, jumps down and Little Frisky comes back to the top of the bowl. Now Morty enters the picture. Morty's legs are less than two inches long so jumping on the counter is not something I thought I would ever see him doing, until today. Morty discovered that if he climbs up the wicker chair leg to the back of the chair he can leap to the top of the bar (knocking my crystal wine glasses over) and then jump over to a bar stool which will put him inches from the kitchen counter. Life as Little Frisky knew it is now over. I walked into the kitchen just in time to see Morty sitting on his stubbly little back legs (like a rabbit) trying his best to catch Little Frisky with his front paws. The bar stools are now in the closet. Honest to goodness, I feel like I have a toddler in the house again.

Saturday, July 7, 2007


The triple 7's made today the most popular day ever for marriages and I for one am ready for it to be OVER. Of all the catered events we do at the aquarium weddings are my least favorite. The brides are almost always delightful but the MOB's want to create the fairy tail wedding they didn't have and OH YES....they want to do it for the same price they paid for their own wedding back in 1975. If you want to watch Tom Brumer turn purple just sneak up behind him and whisper WEDDING! WEDDING! WEDDING! Traffic is horrible in Myrtle Beach the week before and the week after the 4th of July so it took the last wedding party almost an hour longer than expected to arrive from the ceremony. Chef Steve was less than happy. THEN....the MOB (see, I told you they are trouble) had dropped off centerpieces for the tables and asked if I would place them. Simple request, right? Well, I thought so too. However, ding dong here didn't read the fine print and neglected to put water in the top portion of the candle display. Ok, still no biggie UNTIL the MOB (I told you they are trouble) poured ice water into a hot glass centerpiece. Let me correct that....not ONE hot glass centerpiece but NINE hot glass centerpieces. Wouldn't you think she would have stopped when the first one exploded? It sounded like a shoot out at the OK Corral. Geesh, what a fun way to start the evening. In my defense the candles were tapers not the little round floating ones but if I only taken a minute to look at the picture on the box I would have had one of those OOOOHHHHH moments and known to add water. When I left at 9:30 the dancing was beginning and everyone was having a great time. That's what it's all about and now please excuse me while I wash down my pain pill with a GIANT Margarita.

Friday, July 6, 2007

MRI's Adored You? My Sertorcha?... It can't possibly be My Eyes Adored You...right??

Yes, My Eyes Adored You IS an old song from the 70's and the first time Dave and I heard it we were in Los Angeles tooling down the freeway in a cheapie rental car with no air conditioning and an AM radio. For months we both SWORE they were singing "My Sertorcha". Neither one of us could figure out what a "sertorcha" was and you have to remember this was waaay before the Internet. Hey, cut me some slack....you try to write something even mildly amusing when the only thing going on in your life is pain, old age and flatulence.
THE DAY finally arrived and I had my first visit with Dr. Jordan. I like him very much and he basically concurred with Dr. Lorch concerning my shoulder problem. Dr. Jordan ordered two tests that will be performed in his office (be kind, the man has a new boat to pay for) and an MRI. I pass right by the MRI office on my way home and decided to stop by and see if they could possibly work me in this afternoon. For once my timing was right and they had a cancellation. I cannot tell you how painful it was to lay flat on my back for almost 45 minutes but it was finally over and hopefully I will have some answers shortly. Fortunately the facility has the open MRI unit as I had no idea how claustrophobic I am until the tech put the Hanibel Lector mask on me and lowered the plate to within an inch of my face. If I kept my eyes shut it was OK, not great, but OK. When I opened my eyes all I wanted to do was yank that thing off and RUN or possibly hurt someone...preferably both. Dr. Jordan should have the results by Wednesday but this is South Carolina so I am hoping he has the report anytime before we are in a month with an R. When I arrived home all I wanted was a pain pill, Diet Cherry Coke and an afghan. So Morty, Ginglebelle and I cozied up on the couch to take a nap. The nap came after I cleaned up the Diet Cherry Coke I knocked off the coffee table while I was fluffing my pillow. I said a very bad word, twice.
Didn't think I was hungry but Lib brought over a wonderful dinner for me and I ate every bite. Big shock..huh? Time for another pain pill for me and a kitty treat for Morty and Ginglebelle. Ah yes....I truly live the life of Scott and Zelda.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Funnel Cakes and Carmel Corn

Debi and I made a HORRIBLE discovery today. The Nostalgia Park has opened at Broadway At The Beach and they are selling funnel cakes less than 100 feet from the back door of the aquarium! Nooooo! Well, we had to try one this afternoon and they were just as wonderful as we were afraid they would be. Crispy edges, softer center but not too soft and drowned in powdered sugar. A breeze came up as we were coming across the bridge and blew the powdered sugar every where. We looked like two old fat cocaine addicts. It wasn't bad enough that there is a little man making carmel corn right around the corner..oh noooooo, we have to have funnel cakes too. What's next...deep fried Twinkies???
We were slammed at work today, not sure what the count was but it was a BUNCH. Of course that didn't stop me from getting a manicure this morning. Hey...good grooming is important when you work in sales. We had a small family reunion this evening and after they were seated I came home. Lib came over this afternoon and straighted up a bit for me. That was so sweet. The best thing she did was take the trash out. Since my shoulder is a mess it takes me awhile to get the trash down. I'm just pitiful.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

A Better Day

My goodness, it's amazing what a difference a little sleep can make. Welllll.....I'm not really sure if 15 hours counts as a LITTLE sleep but I certainly feel better. Sometimes Polly is too much like her mom. They finished their meetings in Chicago and instead of going to OK first they are driving straight through to MT. So Polly and family made it back to MT this morning around 2 AM. They are out at the ranch and will have their own fireworks show this evening. Matthew is out on the tractor helping his daddy with the hay this afternoon so he is a happy boy. Mike & Eddie's neighborhood is planning a bicycle parade, picnic, pool party and fireworks display. Ginglebelle, Morty and I had a much smaller celebration. Ginglebelle slept in her favorite chair and Morty snoozed on my shoulder while I read. Tough day. Hopefully by this time next week I will feel like myself again. HEY...I can hope can't I????

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Dumb Dumb Dumb

Sharon, if you are reading this you must be feeling very smug. The neck and shoulder are back to hurting and all I want to do is take a pill and go to bed. You win...I will NOT carry out the trash or anything else until this is fixed. I have an appointment at 10 AM on Friday with Dr. Jordan but f they have an opening on Thursday they will call me and I'll run over to the office then. Oh man, right now I would crawl nekid at high noon over broken glass if he could make this better. I give up, Morty and I are heading to bed.

Monday, July 2, 2007

I am sooo busted

Sharon called this evening and we chatted for a long while. We had been leaving messages but kept missing each other. She was concerned about my arm and I assured her that I have a Dr's appointment on Thursday, my arm is in the sling and I'm wearing my cervical collar and all of that is MOSTLY true. Sharon didn't say she was stopping by to visit and check up on the patient. Well...the patient was bouncing down the stairs carrying two BIG bags of trash with no sling or cervical collar and ran into Sharon on her way upstairs with a beautiful fruit basket. Hey...the bag in the left hand was the lighter one! We had a great visit and Lib came over to join us for a few minutes. Sharon did leave the basket and I did have enough decency to be embarrassed but that didn't keep me from eating the fruit. Man, I can't get by with ANYTHING!
It is so quiet with all the kids gone. Ginglebelle got out twice this evening and I was ready to tie her tail to the doorknob. I made a big pot of vegetable soup for this week...I live on that stuff and did a few loads of laundry. Other than that I didn't do nothin'. Ok..time to throw the panties all over the furniture to dry and pray I don't need the paramedics tonight.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Morty and Ginglebelle are in a coma

The Montana crew are on the way to Chicago after a brief stop in Coates, NC to drop Miss Katy off at Mamaws house for a visit. I tried to tell Katy that Mamaw is a serial killer and hides the bodies in her basement so it would be safer for Katy to stay here. However, Katy is wise enough to know that Mamaw is one of the nicest kindest people in the world (and doesn't have a basement) so she didn't fall for my story. Katy will spend the week with Mamaw and then the two of them will be flying to Seattle to catch up with the rest of the family. I suggested to Polly and Tony that since they are criss crossing the country they might want to throw a few fruit baskets in the back of the Suburban and put the kids to work picking crops to make some extra pocket jingle. The kids were not impressed but Tony and Polly seemed to think it was a pretty nifty idea. They left Montana the first week of June and will not be home until the middle of July. Their kids are great travelers...and that's a good thing!

Chris taught the kids to play Blackjack last week so we were having a hot game before breakfast this morning and I decided we all needed "gambling names". Tory is Minnesota Slim, Katy is Shady Jackson, Sarah is Mississippi Mabel and Matthew is Sneaky Pete. I choose not to share my name. The kids all thought it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. I disagree.

After everyone left I took a pain pill plus two muscle relaxers and slept for 6 straight hours. I think the cats must have done the same thing. They both were on my bed and Morty was sleeping so sound his little ears were down around his face and he was limp as a dishrag. We all finally woke up to varying degrees of awareness and the biggest accomplishment of the afternoon was warming up a slice of frozen lasagna. I don't see how all of those older parents manage. I have had Katy for two weeks (and loved every minute) but I am exhausted! Speaking of exhausted...time for a shower and bed time. Back to my regular old boring schedule. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.