Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Grey Gardens

Have you seen the HBO movie based on Jackie O's Aunt Edith? If you haven't I certainly recommend you do so at the first opportunity. There is also a 1975 documentary, with the same title, that is supposed to be excellent but I haven't been able to locate a copy that doesn't break my budget. Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore play the mother daughter duo in the HBO version and if you ever need an inspiration to clean house then honey, this is the film for you. new rule of thumb for a deep clean is "if there are more than five raccoons peeking through the dining room ceiling" then it's time to haul out the Dyson. These two women ended up living with an entire raccoon family as well as more than 80 cats who couldn't find a litter box with the help of an Eagle Scout, a flashlight and a map. I made the mistake of watching this film when I was flat on my back in bed with a temp of 101 and a rattly chest that sounded just like wet wood burning in the fireplace. There were used tissues on my nightstand, bed and yes...on the floor. At least four half filled glasses sat beside me, the Sunday paper scattered on the bed and floor but here is the part that shook me to the core. There were two cats sleeping comfortably at my feet which means I am only 78 cats away from eviction. Seriously, great film but I advise you to clean house BEFORE you watch.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Pneumonia...the sequel.

YES...I am sick again which equals the same level of surprise as reading TMZ and learning that Amy Winehouse is in rehab. When God was handing out respiratory systems I must have gotten in the line labeled PLEASANT PERSONALITY, LIKES SMALL CHILDREN, BIG BUTTS & CRAPPY RESPIRATORY SYSTEM. The Sprite Zero was on empty yesterday afternoon so on the way home from my umpteenth chest x-ray I made an emergency stop at the local grocery store. The good news is I had showered and shampooed so I was at least clean but that was pretty much all I had done. What I am trying to tell you is I wish I looked as good as Amy Winehouse. There were lines at all four of 24 registers but only 4 with cashiers. However, I made an amazing discovery. All I had to do was cough and the person in front of me offered to let me go ahead of them. What do you want to bet that before my key was in the ignition that entire store was hosed down in Purell. Hate to brag but I do have a pretty amazing cough.