Sunday, August 19, 2007

Did you know I'm a pig killer?

Well, I am and that's also one of the many reasons my first husband wanted a divorce. He finally figured out that if he was going to have any financial success in the farming world then he needed to dump me ASAP. I am not a farm/country person by any stretch of the imagination and I am happiest in the heart of any big city. Rod loved the farm life, living in the country and of course raising animals. Remember Green Acres? I didn't walk around in chiffon and fluffy high heels with a poodle under my arm, but it was close. Hmmmm, I have NO CLUE why that marriage didn't last. However, we were together just long enough to have two beautiful children and for that I will be forever grateful. Wouldn't you know both of those kids inherited his DNA and LOVED the farm life. Apparently my wimpy city DNA didn't stand a chance against his big burly country DNA.
Now on to my pig murder story. We were in debt up to our eyeballs which means we owed everybody from the bank to the parents. Rod had managed to save enough money to buy a registered boar with a very good pedigree and the plan was to rent this big guy out to the area farmers and collect for "services rendered". Good plan...right? Well yes, until you remember who Rod had married. Rod had already contracted the boars services for the next several weeks and it looked like we might actually be able to pay ALL the bills next month. I was out in the front yard with the children watering flowers and it was nasty hot with high humidity. I was over by the fence when a big truck pulled in to the drive with this monster hog who was going to keep us from going to the poor house and they unloaded him about 6 feet away from where I was watering the flowers. He grunted, groaned and snorted coming down the ramp and plopped down under a tree in the shade. While Rod and the former owners were on the other side of the truck signing the paperwork and handing over the last of our money the kids and I walked over to take a better look at our financial savior. I said, "What's the matter feller are you hot?" He snorted and I soaked him down with ice cold well water. He gave one final snort and flipped over on his back....dead as a doornail. The cold well water caused a heart attack and the truck hadn't even pulled out of the driveway. Yep folks, that is the day I became known as the pig killer.


sammyosammy said...

I know just how you feel. Here is my story but promise me you won't tell anyone else....I killed my daughters cat! I didn't know she was in the motor of my car and when I started it, I heard this unusual noise. Then I turned the car off and hit the ignition again. Then I realized what had happened so I ran into the house and got Harvey. He came out and got the cat and she was still alive but he said she was too mangled to take to a vet so he had me start the car again and held her at the tail pipe for a carbon monoxide death. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't been home. Being married to an EMT had its advantages. You may use this story if you change the names and places to protect the guilty. Just wanted you to know I understand.

Anny said...

And we wondered why that Marriage didn't work!!!!!