I am out of "oompf".

Not forever, just for today. Lou and Karl left to go to Urbana to be with their sister Chris while her husband Joe was having surgery this afternoon. I hated to see them go not because the apartment wasn't finished but because it was so LONELY working there all by myself! No Aunt June, no Lou and Karl, no Bob, no Anny and Larry...way too quiet. I could have had it finished if I had stayed another hour but I was DONE. I came back to Anny's, unloaded the boxes for the garage sale (Debi you didn't read that) and took a 3 hr nap. Anny went to a jewelry party this evening and I had intended to go with her but I still had "bedspread print" on my face when she was ready to leave. I fixed Larry and I a grilled ham and cheese sandwich and we pronounced it...dinner. Good thing Larry's low maintenance. Ok, the Colts are getting ready to play and since I am in Indiana...it is mandatory to watch the game. Later gator!

Stuff, stuff and more STUFF!

Right now, before you do ANYTHING else start cleaning out your STUFF! Sell it, pitch it or give it but get it out! Aunt June had a tiny three room apartment and it has taken five adults four 12 hour days to get it ALMOST empty. Her apartment didn't look bad, it was clean but every nook, cranny, under the bed, behind the china cabinet, under the couch, behind the couch and closets were packed to the absolute max. The entire time Lou and I were sorting through Aunt June's "stuff" we were thinking about what we were going to pitch when we arrive home. Aunt June kept every Blair catalog, Publishers Clearing House and mail order contest known to man for the past four years. Folks, that is a butt load of paper. We are down to the cowboy boots, pistol, Grandma Pratt's quilts and the costume jewelry. Lou, Karl, Bobby and I finally stopped about 8 this evening and walked down to a wonderful Italian restaurant less than a block from Aunt June's apartment. The food and atmosphere were wonderful. La Scala has an outdoor patio so we had dinner outside and believe it or not...could have used a sweater! The temperature was down to 64 degrees and it was delightful. We ate and talked for over two hours before we called it a night. Bob headed back to Catlin, IL so Lou, Karl and I will finish up (I hope!) tomorrow morning before they have to leave for Denver. Now, get off this computer and go throw away some STUFF! HEY....I said NOW! What are you waiting for??? Go! Go! Go!

The Service

Today was Aunt June's funeral and even though the attendance was low the love and laughter were at an all time high. Everyone who entered the room had a funny story or a fond memory to share. It was great to be able to put faces with the familiar names of Aunt June's friends, most of whom we had never met before today. After the service the family had lunch at Beef House and shared more "Aunt June" stories. There was an empty chair at the table and a hole in our hearts...Aunt June, you were loved and will be missed by all who were fortunate enough to be a part of your life.

Paper, paper, paper..MY GOD the paper!

If I never open another piece of mail it will be just FINE! Since I can't lift or carry (my relatives are getting a little pissy and insisting on a Dr's note) I was put in charge of opening, sorting and mostly pitching the mail. I have opened more mail than Cliff Claven. I am sick of mail and I am especially sick of The Amazing Kreskin...what a crook! That man preys on old vulnerable people and Aunt June has sent this man thousands of dollars. Between Kreskin and Publishers Clearing House I'm surprised she had enough money left for electricity. We have filled trash bag after trash bag with canceled checks (starting in 1972), receipts, bills of sale and every other type of document you can imagine. So far we have found 24 (TWENTY FOUR) copies of Aunt June's living will. In case you don't have the complete picture yet...I AM DROWNING IN PAPER. I now know what happened to the rain forrest....Aunt June killed it.

Final Arrangements

Anny and I did all the necessary errands today when you are preparing for a funeral. The bank, post office, funeral home, florist and on and on. Thank goodness for Anny, don't know what I would do without her. I do know I wouldn't have gotten nearly all the things done had she not been with me.
We arrived at Aunt June's apartment about 2:30 this afternoon and when we opened the door....oh my goodness. Her apartment is very clean but mail, newspapers, contest entries and boxes were stacked everywhere. Anny and I filled four huge trash bags with nothing but old mail and we haven't even begun to make a dent. Lou and Karl will arrive tomorrow so the extra hands will be much appreciated and it's always more fun to look at family pictures when you have someone to share stories with. Whew, time for a shower and bed.

Travel Tales

OH MY GOSH....no humidity and temperatures in the high 70's! Wow, I had forgotten how it feels to walk around without having your shirt stuck to your back and sweat dripping off your hair. Who knew!
My flight was interesting. I didn't sleep well last night and all I really wanted to to do was lean on the window and nap but my seatmate was a very friendly man who had eaten something very recently with a LOT of curry and he wanted to chat. I didn't want to chat and hate the smell of curry so I responded with one word answers and tried to appear engrossed in the overpriced overhyped Sky Mall magazine. Thought that was much nicer than saying, "For the love of God...suck on a breath mint and SHUT UP." I am such a people person.

Planning

I have always said that one of the kindest things my mother ever did for me was preplanning her funeral. She had done everything from picking the music and flowers to what she wanted to wear. My mother had even written her own obituary so all the names and dates were correct and since it was written several years prior to her death she had plenty of time to make sure it was worded just right and no one had been left out. My cousins and I have spent the entire day on the phone trying to remember middle names, who was born where and you know darned well we have left someone out because it has been put together so quickly. Here is the real kicker, we know there is a burial plot next to grandma for Aunt June but none of us remember for sure where grandma is buried. Grandma is from a very small town in a very rural area with a TON of small churches and cemeteries. You just try to get information on a weekend and let me know how that works out for ya! We have done online searches and made phone calls but we can't get any answers until Monday because as one lady told us, "This ain't no city, we don't believe in the Internet and she ain't gonna be buried until Wednesday anyway so I ain't going out to no cemetery office until Monday..gas is mighty dear ya know. So what's yer hurry?" Hard as this may be to believe, she actually said it very nicely and she does have a valid point. So...guess we will get our answer on Monday. I asked the funeral director about putting the obituary in the area newspaper and he told me that the paper is weekly and would publish two days after her service so they would only require a death notice. However, that's not a problem because the funeral home has their own way of letting the locals know that someone (who obviously did not have the foresight to check the local paper distribution schedule) has passed away. The porch light at the funeral home is turned on and a hand written note is placed on the door with the deceased name along with the date and time of service. If the deceased is noteworthy, then the information also goes on the IGA marque. Gosh...can't wait to get to town and see if we made the marque!

The End Of An Era, Aunt June Is Gone

Aunt June was admitted to the hospital on Wednesday and passed away at 6:30 this evening. So many mixed emotions. Sad that she is gone but thankful she didn't have to go to the nursing home because she would have hated losing her independence. Sad she died without her family around her but thankful she won't ever have to be afraid again. Aunt June had suffered from increasing dementia and it was evident that she would not be able to live on her own much longer. The nieces and nephews are meeting this weekend to make her final arrangements and come to terms with the fact that we are now the older generation. Aunt June, I hope you know how much you were loved...your nieces and nephews will forever miss your delightful sense of humor and kind heart.

All Our Love,
Bob, Randy, Chris, Janice, Lou, Lisa & Karl

PS: Would someone please call The Amazing Kreskin and let him know he won't be receiving any more checks?

Whew, I'm whooped.

Don't think I can handle another day at home...I have to go back to work and get some rest! The HOA board met with our attorney for two hours this morning finalizing our litigation with the contractor and then the State Farm adjuster met me at the rental unit for the initial appraisal for their portion of the repair work that needs to be completed. Then just for fun I went to Lowe's for light bulbs. I definitely look better when most of the bulbs are burned out but this morning I almost put my eye out trying to put on mascara. Not a good way to start the day.

One Margarita With A Side Of Stoopid

I had dinner with five of my friends last night and next time we go out they plan to duct tape a big sign on my forehead that reads, "ABSOLUTELY UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES GIVE THIS WOMAN TEQUILA". Tequila makes me stupid. Talkative AND stupid....oh, and I also think everything that comes out of my mouth is either profound or hilarious and sometimes both so therefore I must say it LOUDLY. This is after one Margarita! Fortunately I am not a regular drinker and I think my friends would all agree this is a good thing. Alcohol has never been a big temptation for me (chocolate chip cookies, now that is another story) so 99% of the time we go out I don't have anything to drink. One sip of alcohol and I instantly have "Raggedy Ann" pink circles on my cheeks and I want to TALK and I want to TALK for a long time. Soooo, we voted last night and I am still a valued member of the "in group" but from now on I am the designated driver and that too is a good thing.

Traffic Court...BLEAHHHHH!

Hi! My name is Jan and I have a lead foot. I am practicing just in case there is a 12 step program for repeat speeding offenders.
Yep, sometimes I have a heavy foot but I really don't think I should have gotten a ticket for this last instance. I was stopped for going 57 in a 45 and I promise you I didn't say it BUT this is the first thing that popped into my mind. "Good grief officer...I've gone lots faster than THIS!" The first ticket I ever received was for going 95 (told you I have a heavy foot) in a 45. I was driving a Ford Escort and I really thought about sending that ticket to the Ford Corporate Office in Detroit. Figured they would have gladly paid the ticket in exchange for having official verification that a Ford Escort will actually go that fast....and yes, I did deserve that ticket and the hefty fine. Seems like I am a law abiding citizen just long enough for the previous ticket to drop off my record and then I will slip up and get stopped again. It also appears that some of my grandchildren have inherited my tendency to speed. Remind me to tell you about Katy bouncing her sister out of the golf cart and into the horse pasture. Katy's defense was a huge sigh and eye roll followed by, "Mom, I told her to hang on!"

Morty's Attitude

Polly, Eddie and Ginglebelle (especially Ginglebelle) were all hoping that when Morty had "THE SURGERY" his attitude would improve. Well, I have waited a week for the verdict and the better attitude? Ummm, not so much. Morty definitely has short man syndrome and it has nothing to do with hoohaws or lack of hoohaws. He just happens to have a twisted personality. Morty will arch his back, hiss and fly at Ginglebelle if she even tries to sit on my lap. That doesn't mean he wants to sit on my lap it just means he doesn't want her on my lap. What a brat, it's a good thing Ginglebelle and I love him so much. Ginglebelle, we do love him...right? Ginglebelle? Hello?

Did you know I'm a pig killer?

Well, I am and that's also one of the many reasons my first husband wanted a divorce. He finally figured out that if he was going to have any financial success in the farming world then he needed to dump me ASAP. I am not a farm/country person by any stretch of the imagination and I am happiest in the heart of any big city. Rod loved the farm life, living in the country and of course raising animals. Remember Green Acres? I didn't walk around in chiffon and fluffy high heels with a poodle under my arm, but it was close. Hmmmm, I have NO CLUE why that marriage didn't last. However, we were together just long enough to have two beautiful children and for that I will be forever grateful. Wouldn't you know both of those kids inherited his DNA and LOVED the farm life. Apparently my wimpy city DNA didn't stand a chance against his big burly country DNA.
Now on to my pig murder story. We were in debt up to our eyeballs which means we owed everybody from the bank to the parents. Rod had managed to save enough money to buy a registered boar with a very good pedigree and the plan was to rent this big guy out to the area farmers and collect for "services rendered". Good plan...right? Well yes, until you remember who Rod had married. Rod had already contracted the boars services for the next several weeks and it looked like we might actually be able to pay ALL the bills next month. I was out in the front yard with the children watering flowers and it was nasty hot with high humidity. I was over by the fence when a big truck pulled in to the drive with this monster hog who was going to keep us from going to the poor house and they unloaded him about 6 feet away from where I was watering the flowers. He grunted, groaned and snorted coming down the ramp and plopped down under a tree in the shade. While Rod and the former owners were on the other side of the truck signing the paperwork and handing over the last of our money the kids and I walked over to take a better look at our financial savior. I said, "What's the matter feller are you hot?" He snorted and I soaked him down with ice cold well water. He gave one final snort and flipped over on his back....dead as a doornail. The cold well water caused a heart attack and the truck hadn't even pulled out of the driveway. Yep folks, that is the day I became known as the pig killer.

Sanford and Son

How can ONE person be such a slob? I am not a collector or a saver...heck my kids are lucky I kept their birth certificates. I don't save plastic bags, paper bags, bread wrappers or Cool Whip containers like Aunt June, but right now my condo looks like the set for an upcoming production of Sanford and Son Moves to South Carolina. I cleaned out my closet and the donation bags are in the dining room along with a stack of magazines I need to drop off at the hospital and the set of Christmas dishes I haven't used in 5 years that are going to Habitat. We won't talk about the exercise equipment that is still in the back of my closet and the most exercise I got was manuevering that 150 lb monster into that tiny space all by myself.
Since I am an only child I have all my grandparents, parents plus my own photographs that need to be put in albums and oh PLEASE DEAR GOD let me live that long. Thank goodness my mother and grandmother were very good about writing not only the names of people but also their relationship to the family as I have no clue by looking at the photos who most of these people are. I am also very thankful that my grandmother was a storyteller so not only do I have the pictures I also have a story to go with almost all of them. One of my favorites is about a deaf cousin (Homer) and his wife who lived in Howard,IN at the Round Barn Farm during the 20's and 30's. The wife's sister was over visiting one afternoon after Thanksgiving and asked Homer's wife what she would like for Christmas. Homer's wife replied, "Oh I pray someone gives each of us a pair of white gloves so Homer and I can talk when we go to bed at night." As a child I thought that was the funniest thing I had ever heard and as an adult I still think it's pretty funny but also very sweet. My grandmothers sister (Aunt Doodoo and I have no clue why she was called Doodoo and Uncle John) had a grain and dairy farm. I don't remember how many cows they milked twice a day but it was a BUNCH. At that time (surely they have an easier way now) each cows udders had to be hand washed (YEW) before the electric milkers were attached to each teat. Grandma and I were there visiting one afternoon and helping Aunt Doodoo can tomatoes. For whatever reason Aunt Doodoo was upset with Uncle John about something and she opened the back door and flipped a switch on the wall. About 30 seconds later Uncle John came running out of the milk house and said, "DAMN IT TO HELL!" and then ran back in the milk house. Well, I was stunned and couldn't believe my grandma and Aunt Doodoo weren't as shocked as I was that Uncle John had said a BAD word. I later found out that the switch that Aunt Doodoo had flipped was to the milk house and she had waited until Uncle John had gotten all the cows "bags" washed and attached the electric milkers before she cut the power off to the milk house so the stainless steel milkers fell on the dirty floor and Uncle John had to start all over again. Don't mess with the women in my family. We'll cut off your power in a heartbeat.

Only Children

Have I mentioned that I am an only child? Not only am I an only child but I am the only child of an only child. Spoiled?? Me?? Naaaaa! Actually I wasn't spoiled with material things but I have to tell you as far as my grandparents were concerned I not only hung the moon but I also created the sun and stars and I didn't disagree with them. What?? You think I have STUPID written on my forehead? My parents divorced when I was in 1st grade and my mother went back to college to finish her teaching degree.I lived with my grandparents and for four years I only saw my mother on the weekends. That was very difficult but living with grandparents definitely had advantages. How many kids can say they never did anything wrong in four years and have witnesses to backup their story? The closest I ever came to getting into trouble was the time I set my grandfathers chair on fire and almost burned down the house. HEY...it was an accident and could have happened to anybody! My grandmother had walked to the grocery store and since I had been to the library the day before I was engrossed in a Bobbsey Twins book and elected to stay home and read. My mistake was putting the book down and deciding this would be a nifty time to play a trick on my grandma. I took a pair of my grandfathers pants, shoes and a shirt and stuffed them with newspapers to look like a person laying in the recliner. OK, "he" looked pretty real at first glance but hmmmm, what would make it more lifelike. OH....how about a lit cigarette?? It was the 50's and EVERYBODY smoked. So I placed the cigarette where the mouth would be, if my newspaper dummy had a mouth, and watched for my grandma out the front window. When she got to the end of the driveway I lit the cigarette, hid in the closet and waited to hear her scream. Well, I heard her scream all right. The dummy (the newspaper dummy not me), the chair and the living room rug were all on fire. Grandma and the neighbor managed to put the fire out before the volunteer firemen arrived but the whole house had to be repainted, chair and rug replaced,drapes washed...it was a total mess. My punishment? Couldn't tell you, I'm still waiting.

Favorite Food

If you had to choose one food that you would find next to impossible to give up, what would you choose? Mine would be watermelon. I have always loved watermelon and am probably the only person on the face of the earth who can say they got into trouble in Sunday school because of watermelon. I was four or five years old so it was around 1955 and my class was learning about Easter and Lent. My Sunday school teacher who shall remain nameless (Miss Thompson) suggested that for Lent we give up our favorite food. Fine by me mainly because I was scared Miss Thompson was going to suggest roller skates and that wasn't happening. Lent or no Lent....I had just gotten those skates for Christmas and they were staying! HEY now, cut me some slack....I was five years old and not really into the spirit of Lent. Miss Thompson went around the room and we were to tell her what food item we had decided to give up while she wrote our names and choices in our "Lent book". There were some pretty tough decisions being made as it's not easy for a five year old to give up ice cream or candy or hamburgers for a WHOLE six weeks. Well, Miss Thompson got to me and when I told her watermelon was my choice she was very snippy and told me in no uncertain terms that Lent was a serious matter and she was giving me five minutes to think it over and give her a proper response. Well, I thought it over and at the end of the five minutes I came to the conclusion that Miss Thompson was a little nuts. Watermelon REALLY was my favorite food but if it wasn't good enough for her then I would go with my second favorite...corn on the cob. When I told her my second choice she rolled her eyes and said, "Well that is just FINE and you can tell your mother to expect a phone call from me this evening." Miss Thompson called just like she said she would and I don't think Miss Thompson really believed my mother when she tried to explain that five year olds don't understand crop cycles and that I had no clue there was no watermelon or corn on the cob to sacrifice in Indiana during the month of March. My mother hung up the phone, turned to me and said, "You are giving up candy." Geeesh, and you wonder why I'm not quite right.

New World Record?

I would have been better off to throw three dollars out the car window or maybe invest in magic beans then spend $2.99 (plus tax!) on a marine frog. As you already know I have a beta fish and a peace plant in a pretty glass jar on my kitchen counter. Well, truth be told Little Frisky (formerly known as The Fish) actually belongs to Morty and Ginglebelle since the fish bowl is also their drinking water of choice. HEY...it's not like I don't put fresh water out with their food everyday but apparently they prefer their drinking water with a side of beta. When my friend Morgan was here visiting he mentioned that I should get a marine frog to put in with Little Frisky. This afternoon I stopped by Pet Smart for more lobster, filet and truffles or whatever it is that makes cat food so darn expensive and I also checked out the marine frogs. Hmmm $2.99, OK I can afford a frog and they do look kinda cool. I brought one home and put the bag next to the fish bowl. Ginglebelle jumped up to take a look because, after all, I was messing with her preferred source of H2O. I poured most of the water out of the "frog bag" and eased the little fellar into the jar. He immediately sank to the bottom just like he was supposed to and then the trouble began. As I turned to get the plastic lid to cover the top of the bowl the frog jumped out onto the counter and the next thing I know a big black hairy paw came down and SMASHED the frog into oblivion. Sooo, not including the 10 minute ride home from Pet Smart I was the proud owner of a marine frog for approximately 15 seconds.

Whew..if looks could kill

I would be laying on the floor of Dr. Doti's office. Morty noticed the first sign of trouble when I put away the food and water dishes last evening as he wasn't to have anything to eat or drink 12 hrs before his surgery. Ginglebelle was a bit ticked but she took one for the team with minimal complaining. However, Ginglebelle did awaken me about 4 AM by knocking my perfume bottles off of the dresser and in my sleep numbed mind perfume bottles hitting the floor sound just like a burgler/rapist packing a fully loaded Colt 45. Clearing my dresser is Ginglebelle's subtle way of letting me know that she is out of food and or water. When I reminded her why the food and water bowls were not there she chuckled and went back to sleep. Early this morning I got out the pet carrier with the two baby blankets (because one would not be soft enough...duh) and zipped Mr. Morty in for the ride to the vets office for his "BIG DAY". When we arrived the two ladies who work the front desk took him out of his carrier, scratched his tummy (OK, they also laughed at his 2 inch legs) and told him he was just too precious for words and as far as Morty was concerned this was a pretty good trip. Then the voice of doom appeared in the form of Dr. Doti....Dr. Doti with the sharp knife. Dr. Doti with the sharp knife pointed toward Morty's "nether regions" I kissed the top of his little kitty head and very gently handed him over to Dr. Doti. I swear I heard Morty call me an ugly name as I departed the building.

Good News! Nooooo, GREAT NEWS!

I met with both surgeons and they concur with no surgery at this point. The main problem is arthritis of the spine and surgery is not the answer. Now the bad news, there is no answer. I am to keep taking Advil Liquid Gels and if the pain returns and cannot be controlled by prescription medication then the possibility of surgery will be revisited. Hopefully, no more Dr's visits for awhile. Enough of that topic..done, finished, move on. Yea!
SC Motor Coach Association is meeting in Myrtle Beach this week and we hosted them for lunch today. We fed all 200 of them and it was nice to see some old friends. Trade shows are just not my thing anymore. I used to do them all the time but all the setting up, tearing down and standing on concrete for hours has lost it's thrill. Plus you have to be flippin' charming for HOURS! Fortunately I very seldom have to do them any more except for an occasional local show and I whine the entire time just in case anyone thinks I MIGHT be having fun.
The vet's office called this afternoon to remind me that Morty has an appointment tomorrow morning. Polly hopes the vet removes about 90% of his attitude when they remove his hoohaws. We all think Morty has short man syndrome and if he was a person he would have a mustache, lots of gold chains, shirt open to the waist and drive a red corvette. Poor Morty, his previous visits to the vet's office involved being passed around like a play thing while everybody tells him how cute he is and gives him treats. Ummm, tomorrows visit will be a little different and I am pretty sure he will not be a happy kitty when I pick him up tomorrow evening. We love you Morty and if it makes you feel better we will ask Dr. Doti to save your hoohaws and you can hang them from the rearview mirror in the corvette.

SUNDAY...SUNDAY

I know the Mama's and Papa's sang about Monday Monday but this is my blog and I SAY that for today the song will be called....Sunday Sunday. So there, hrumph. Want to argue?? Didn't think so. Who's grumpy??? NOT ME!
I am so ready to get the word on what's going to happen with my neck/back. It appears 99% certain that I will be having surgery. A good friend of mine who is a retired physician reviewed my MRI report and strongly recommended (insisted?) that I go with a neurosurgeon. My Dr. had given me the choice of ortho or neuro and I said I didn't have a preference but would go with his recommendation. WRONG! Loren says I am going neuro so neuro it will be. I left a message with my local Dr.'s nurse so I assume she will cancel my ortho appointment tomorrow and get me in with the neurosurgeon.I am still holding onto that thin ray of hope that I can avoid surgery. HEY...I can DREAM!!! The pain has not returned but I do still have numbness and tingling from fingertip to shoulder on my L arm. When I mentioned that to Loren he didn't come right out and call me a dumb ass but it was implied in his tone. He said something along the lines of, "Well, yes the pain is gone BECAUSE THE MASS IS PRESSING ON THE NERVES AND KILLING THEM!" Said it kinda snotty too. OK my friend...I got the message and thank you again for looking out for your old KHS pal.

Fried Chicken and Time Shares...recipe for disaster

Morgan and Jamie have headed to Wilmington but before they left they put clean sheets on their bed, washed their towels and now after a quick run of the vacuum Casa Janny is ready for the next guests. I insisted they take the remainder of the butter rum cake with them but right about now I would walk barefoot over broken glass for a piece of that cake. Yep, I am a cake whore.
Tom, Morgan, Jamie and I went to Goldburg's Deli for bagels this morning. They have great bagels and I also love their chicken salad. After breakfast we said our goodbyes and I headed off to work. Work...man oh man. Tonight was a doozie. We had a very small (40p) family reunion scheduled and the organizer has been a bit of a fruitcake during the entire planning session. Well honey, wait until you hear what she did and I am surprised we didn't have a riot before it was over. The banquet was scheduled to begin at 7pm and around 4:30pm two very pleasant, nicely dressed gentlemen came to the banquet room to setup a power point presentation and told me they had been asked by the chairman of the reunion to do a short program for the group. Hmmm....OK, odd she hadn't mentioned it to me but sometimes these things happen. Well, come to find out these guys were there to give a time share sales presentation! The chairman of the reunion had set this presentation up so she would receive a free hotel room for the week. Here is where it gets really interesting. The powerpoint presentation began and one elderly gentleman stood up and said, "Now wait a damned minute..I didn't come all the way here from Michigan to hear no damn time share sales pitch." Then the rest of the family got involved and by the time it was all said and done several men (and a few women) backed the two salesmen against a wall. Well, the two salesmen decided it was time to go and they packed up their equipment, put their tails between their legs and headed for the exit. So while you are at your family reunion this summer listening to Uncle Herb talk about his hemorroids just remember it could be worse. At least you aren't listening to a time share presentation! Wow...just when I think I have the weirdest family in the whole world somebody always comes along and proves me wrong.

Heat index of 126...need I say more???

Oh of course I do! You didn't really think you would get off that easy did you? It is so hot the birds are using pot holders to pull earthworms out of the ground. Baaa da boom! OK, now I'm done.
Morgan and Jamie met me at the aquarium this morning just in time to meet the breakfast crew. We have a group of 6 or 7 of us who meet for coffee and breakfast biscuits everyday after the morning meeting. I have such a demanding job. Morgan and Jamie stayed and visited with my friends and then did some shopping followed by oysters at Bimmini's. Last I heard they have dinner reservations at Cagney's and show tickets for Alabama Theatre this evening. I plan an exciting evening of mac and cheese followed by a frantic online bill paying session. Waaaahoooooo! How much excitement can one person stand!

Company!

Morgan and Jamie arrived safely and I'm sure they think I live approximately four blocks from hell as it is HOT! I heard on the radio this afternoon that the heat index was 118, definitely hot.
I took them to dinner at Umi Pacific last night and we had a wonderful meal. I love the atmosphere there with the chiffon hangings, the candles and the weighted gold beads from ceiling to floor. It really is a pretty place and it's quiet enough that you can actually carry on a conversation. Tom was also with us and the four of us had a great time from hors d' oeuvres to creme brule. I had the duck breast and it was wonderful...crispy and not over cooked. Duck isn't something I want very often but it is good once in awhile.
Morgan and Jamie went to the beach today and spent some time at Ocean Annie's listening to the music and consuming adult beverages. I arrived home before they did and baked a butter rum cake and man oh man, does it ever smell gooood! They went to dinner at Capt. George's and then plan to go over to Celebrity Square and check out Crocodile Rocks and Blarney Stones. This is their first visit to Myrtle Beach and I hope they are having a good time. They are both such nice people and I love having them here. I think Morgan and I are going to work together tomorrow morning and Jamie will be joining him later and do some shopping at Broadway and the outlet stores.
We have only have one event this weekend and I actually have Sunday off so I plan to spend the day doing absolutely nuttin'.
I learned two things today. It is possible to receive a second degree burn while opening your car door and in a pinch a seat belt buckle can be used as a branding iron. Wow, who knew??

It's official...I REALLY am the laziest person on earth

My last company left a few days ago and the next group is arriving tomorrow. I worked all weekend (hmm, maybe I'm not THE laziest person on earth) and took today off to wash sheets, towels, vacuum and prepare Casa Janny for the next round of guests. It is now almost 11 AM and so far I have managed to wash sheets...can't seem to find the gumption to put them in the dryer but they are washed, visited my favorite web sites and eaten breakfast...twice. I had cereal about 9 and then moved up to the hard core stuff (bacon & egg sandwich) about 10:30 AM. I have a good friend who shall remain nameless (Anny) that I sometimes just want to smack. She is one of those people who always has a MAJOR project going. I am not making this up....one summer she scraped, primed and painted her Dad's three story barn AND re-roofed her own house. She was also working full time, married and the mother of two boys who were playing summer league baseball. Geesh....if we hadn't been friends for over 50 yrs I would seriously consider dumping her from "my circle". Even now my much older nameless (Anny) friend and her nameless (Larry) husband always have a home project they are planning, completing or scanning Menard's for ideas of what to do next. I bet they make Bob Villa feel like a big ole slug.

No strikes, no balls....

BUT I got fouled! I met with Dr. Jordan today and I still don't have a plan. He decided the muscle receptor test was not necessary (oh DARN) but he did another range of motion series and is referring me to a surgeon. My MRI (in his words) is a train wreck but since I currently have no loss of motion or any pain, Dr. Jordan is not sure what the surgeon will recommend. I am HOPING that surgery will be postponed until the pain returns. Oh heck, let's be truthful....I would be THRILLED to avoid surgery all together. So basically I spent an hour in a paper dress (open down the back), standing in the hall, staring at x'rays and nodding my head while pretending I saw what Dr. Jordan saw. I suppose the next step will be one of those HELP I FELL DOWN AND CAN'T GET UP necklaces.

Left nut..right hand? Right nut..left hand?

Not real sure what the proper protocol is for the whole nut in hand theory but that is my plan. Tomorrow is the day I have the muscle receptor test where L O N G needles will be inserted into various muscles and my job is to let my doctor know when I feel pain...sooo, I figure if I am holding one of his nuts in one of my hands he will know the instant I feel any pain.
What a weekend, three family reunions and one wedding. Everything went very well and of course we had the usual late arrivals. You would think we would be prepared for that by now but noooo, we react the same way each and everytime a group is late. I don't know what it is about the South but promptness and turn signals are optional.

WARNING! POSSIBLY (PROBABLY) OFFENSIVE!

I have a new quest in life. I plan to cash in my Roth and 401k and purchase a mirror for every "touron" who enters the Myrtle Beach city limits. I am buying them all mirrors because I know there is no way they own one or they wouldn't leave the house looking like a homeless circus performer. GET A CLUE FOLKS! In the interest of good taste I have taken the liberty of listing a few subtle suggestions:

1. If your weight is higher than a decent bowling score then a tube top is probably not a good choice.

2. If your boobs are capable of flying up and swatting you (or the person standing next to you) in the face, wear a bra! Please!

3. I KNOW you had a really smokin' body in the 90's but honey it's now 2007 and you have had four kids. Lose the short shorts and wear a shirt that will cover your c-section scar along with your stretch marks.

4. The mullet is gone! Dead! Go see a barber who was born in this century and get a decent haircut. While you are out and about replace that Nascar wife beater t-shirt with one that doesn't show your back hair.

5. Since when did it become chic to show your pregnant belly? If you know me then you know for a fact that I'm not a prude but I have to tell you it makes me very uncomfortable seeing a basketball size tummy with the belly button sticking out like the "done button" on a Butterball turkey.

Whew, I feel much better now.

Where did everybody go?

It is TOO quiet! I know they have been here because I had to use the leaf blower to clear a path to my bedroom but it was waaay too quiet when I got home. Morty and Ginglebelle are sacked out on the couch, probably thrilled to be able to sleep out in the open without someone trying to dress them in doll clothes.
I had a meeting at 8:30 this morning and a party this evening so I didn't get home until about 9. Anny and I played a couple of games of euchre online but I wore out pretty early....and we lost both games, big time. Neither one of us had any good cards. The one good hand I had I didn't get to play and I don't think Anny ever had a card better than a queen. I read two pages in my book and apparently fell asleep because I woke up around Midnight with the lights still on and the book on my face but I was two pages further than when I started. At this rate I should finish sometime before Matthew and Cameron graduate from high school.
Tomorrow will be a long day as there is a banquet at Noon and another one at 6 PM. I could go home between the two events but I have work I need to get done so I will stay and finish. The traffic is so heavy this time of year it's not always easy to get from one place to the other. We also have a wedding on Sunday afternoon so this weekend is a triple play for work.
Eddie, Avery & Cameron dropped Polly and Matthew off at the Charlotte airport this morning and Polly & Matthew made it back to MT late this evening. Always glad to hear everyone has arrived home safely. Tony, Tory, Katy & Sarah are still in OK so Matthew has his mommy all to himself for a few more days. Polly plans to take Matthew to the state fair tomorrow and go to church on Sunday. Mike has to work Saturday and I don't know what Eddie and the kids have planned but as hot as it has been I bet they spend at least part of the afternoon in the pool.
It was so nice to have Polly & Eddie here....our visit was just too short.

A day at the beach

Polly, Eddie and the kids spent the morning at the beach while I finished a few projects at work. After lunch we met at Tanger Mall to check out the outlet shopping and everybody got a start on their school clothes. I found a store that is perfect for all the girls in our family...Justice. They cater to the "tweens" and have the styles that are hard to find when you aren't a teenager yet but not a little girl. I will have to keep that store in mind when it's time to send a "LOVE FROM GRANDMA" package. Tory wears NOTHING feminine or pastel, Katy likes comfy and soft...then we have Sarah and Avery. Sarah likes hats, ruffles, ribbons, shoes, jewelry...anything shiny. Avery is very opinionated about her wardrobe and I very seldom choose something for her unless she is with me to vote yea or nay. Avery has also been known to vote nay in the car on the way home after she has given you a resounding yea in the store. Then there are Cameron and Matthew. Don't care about anything else that goes on their bodies but Spiderman underwear is a current favorite. We had dinner at Bonefish Grill on the way home from the mall. Polly almost broke her tooth in half when she bit into an olive that still had the pit. She had very carefully eaten the first two olives that had no pits and unfortunately when she chomped down on the third one, there it was...big as life. We had appetizers, salads and a cup of soup and had more than enough to share. The kids had the best macaroni and cheese I have ever eaten. I'm not a big mac & cheese fan but oh my...this was delicious. Eddie had Bang Bang Shrimp, Pol had a bowl of soup and I had the Calamari. We had those plates flying around the table like a Ringling Brothers Circus act. Lib, Merideth, Landon and Tyler stopped over to visit for awhile just before the kids went to bed. We had a very nice visit and Landon is a little doll. So happy and smiles all the time. He's almost 6 months old and wanted to catch Morty & Ginglebelle so badly but just wasn't quite fast enough. The kids were so tired it took a bit longer than usual for them to settle in and fall asleep. Just as Avery was falling asleep Morty jumped up on her bed, curled up beside her and she thought that was just the BEST. Everyone is heading home tomorrow and I'm not ready to see them go. We have had a wonderful visit...just way too short.

I'm old AND tired.

Busy day today at work and home. Polly, Matthew and I had lunch at Margaritaville and then Polly and Matthew shopped while I came back to catch up on some work. Eddie, Avery and Cameron arrived shortly after lunch and met Polly at Broadway At The Beach. They did a little more shopping and then stopped by the aquarium for the children to pet the stingrays. It was one of those SC sweltering hot days so we walked down to The Creamery and had ice cream cones before heading back to my house. None of us felt very ambitious and decided to order pizza and pronounce it dinner. Between the three kids Morty and Ginglebelle's feet have not touched the floor in almost 24 hrs. Ginglebelle has spent most of the evening trying to find new hiding places and Morty gives me pleading HELP ME looks as he goes whizzing by in a small childs arms. We have discovered that Morty is very resilient.