Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Larry, Darryl and Darryl

Remember the three handymen on the old Bob Newhart show? Not the OLD Bob Newhart show with Suzanne Plushette but the newer old Bob Newhart show where he and his wife, Joanna, owned an inn someplace in Vermont. Bob and Joanna had three derelict handymen named Larry, Darryl and Darryl who dropped in periodically to do repairs. Wow, what I wouldn't give for three derelict handymen neighbors. It probably isn't true to say I am THE most unhandy person in SC but that statement is not far from the truth. Thank goodness I had sense enough to hire REAL painters and with the help of my friends I am managing to blunder through the rest of the projects before I place an ad to get this place rented again. I have wallpapered dozens of times and some rooms were easier than others but these two rooms are taking what seems like forever just to get them prepped. OH...don't get me started on the time I bought red, white and blue wallpaper with stripes of varying widths and just to make you totally nuts, there were stars on the wide blue stripes. Not the narrow blue stripes or wide red stripes or the narrow white stripes just the wide blue stripes. The house was over 100 years old and had 12 ft ceilings so you can imagine how square the rooms were. I would paste a strip of paper, climb up the ladder, pat down the top third of the strip, climb down the ladder and shut my eyes. Then I would open my eyes and begin to smooth the paper with the brush. I thought I would go blind before I finished that room. For weeks after the room was finished I saw wavy stripes and stars every time I shut my eyes. At least this paper isn't striped or have stars. The towel bars, toilet paper holders and some ugly brass rack thingys are all down and the holes have been patched. Andre The Giant must have been the previous owner because the towel bars were all way above my head and I have no idea how a semi-normal person would hang their towel without using a step stool. OK, time for bed SO I CAN START THIS ALL OVER AGAIN TOMORROW BECAUSE I AM HAVING SUCH A GREAT TIME AND I KNOW YOU ARE JEALOUS. If anybody happens to run into Larry, Darryl and Darryl...please give them my number and feel free to tell them I am a rich widow with loose morals. Hey...as long as you are lying anyway just go ahead and tell them I am thin AND a natural blond.