Tanning

I have very fair skin and am very close to being translucent. For years I had a real love affair going with the sun and I do think fat definitely looks better brown than white. The liver spots on my hands....ummm, not so much. So for the past few years I've stayed out of the sun but have tried several self tanning products with varying degrees of success and much entertainment. When you live by yourself how the heck to you get your back? I've tried several techniques which have all failed miserably and I hate to think I have to get married just to have a tan back. Then I tried a salon spray tan which was very much like taking a 1965 Buick to Maaco or Earl Scheib for a new paint job. Nothing humbles an old fat lady quite like standing almost nekid (I was wearing nothing but ragged underwear and a shower cap) in front of a 20 yr old potential centerfold while she sprayed me down with brown goo from what appeared to be an old weed killer spray pump can. After that process I was directed to another room with fans and had to stand with my feet apart and arms over my head (still wearing the shower cap) to allow the "product" to dry properly. Geesh...I finally collected what little dignity I had left and ran screaming to my car. That was several years ago and I understand they now have private booths with nozzles so I may give the spray tan another try but probably not. Just plan to wear sunglasses this summer so the glare from my white legs won't make you snow blind.