Meat, meat and MORE meat.

If you looked in my freezer this evening you would think I am expecting to feed a family of 12 three times a day for at least a month. What can I say, I am tired of eating out (hurry up and come home Rosemary) so I stopped at Costco on the way home and stocked up. Rosemary is TommyB's mother and I have been known to drop in around 6 PM on occasion. Oh OK, maybe it's more like four or five times a week but Rosemary won't be back until October and TommyB's idea of dinner is scotch and pretzels so I figured I better get some groceries in the house. Well honey...if I had a diagram I have enough beef in the freezer to build my own cow. What is it about shopping at Sam's and Costco's that makes it impossible to buy a reasonable amount of ANYTHING? Come on, do I REALLY need three eye of round roasts AND three pork loins AND five pounds of catfish AND five pounds of pork chops AND ten pounds of hamburger?? In my defense I use the hamburger for my homemade vegetable soup or as my friends call it....barf in a bag. It really does not look very good when I pull that bag out for lunch but put a piece of cornbread with that vegetable soup and you have got yourself a lunch! So while I unpacked the meat and rewrapped it all in individual servings I was also browning the ten pounds of hamburger with five onions. The hamburger is also in the freezer in one pound bags ready to be added to the vegetable soup or spaghetti sauce and I have no excuse for not fixing dinner. Dang it, what was I thinking???

Shot in Billings

Polly and Tory were talking about the high school group from Tory's school who are going to Mexico to help build a church this month. OK, they aren't going to Mexico but I can't spell the country where they are really going so get over it and if you want accuracy write your own blog. Tory was telling Polly about all the paperwork and preparations the kids had to finish before they could leave. You know, all the fun stuff like permission forms, Passports and shots. Tory asked her Mom what kinds of shots they had to have and Polly told her about the vaccines she had to get before she went to the Philippines in the early 90's. Polly then mentions that school is going to be here before they know it (just what every 14 yr old wants to hear) and mentions that she thought it would be a good idea if the family goes to Billings for a long weekend, end of the summer, last hurrah. Five year old Matthew has been quietly coloring at the kitchen table during this discussion and Polly says, "Matthew, how about a trip to Billings before school starts?" Matthew replies, "Umm, maybe. How many shots do I have to get to go to Billings?"

Wow, where do I start.

Umm, this is a true story and I hardly know where to begin so here goes nothing. You have probably figured out I'm a pretty conservative person from politics to tradition to well, just about anything. The son of one of my best friends and his partner are expecting their first baby this fall. They are doing a home birth with a midwife which scares me a little but they also live within minutes of two very good hospitals so that is reassuring, Here is the part I just don't get, they are doing a Lotus Birth. Yeah, I had never heard of it either and I suggest you "give it a Google" but first put your sandwich down (I pray it's not pot roast) because I guarantee you won't want it anymore. A Lotus Birth means after the baby is born the cord is not cut and the placenta is placed in what appears to be my grandma's potato salad bowl to dry naturally which will take two to ten days depending on the humidity. It is traditional for the aunts, sisters, cousins and grandmothers to prepare a ceremonial cloth to line "the bowl" prior to the birth. This certainly wouldn't be my cup of tea (so to speak) but holy moly Martha think of the inconvenience. Everytime you pick-up, diaper, rock or move the baby you will be dragging 4-6 pounds of placenta, which is still attached to your baby by the umbilical cord AND a big ole potato salad bowl. I seem to remember being pretty sleep deprived those first few days (who am I kidding...YEARS) and I can envision a freshly diapered placenta in the bassinet and a new baby in the potato salad bowl. Since we bypassed gross several sentences ago let's get to the part we are all thinking about but haven't mentioned yet. The article clearly states, "Depending on the humidity level the placenta may become malodorous during the drying process." Ya think?? It is suggested the new parents keep fresh lavender on hand during this time. Fresh lavender...yeah right, good luck and let me know how that works for ya. OH...did I forget to mention they also have a dog? My oldest daughter said it best. "They have never spent any time on a farm have they?"

Phoenix...OR where ecru was invented.

Ever been to Phoenix? It's a great place but never in my life have I seen so many shades of beige. I have a question, when all the houses in the neighborhood are the same color and style...how do you know you are home? Do you count houses from the corner? Make one of the kids stand by the mailbox until you return? Truth be told (yeah, I know you weren't expecting that from me) not all the houses are beige. Some are ecru, some are tan and a few rebels have chosen off white but let's just say beige is the predominant color. Heck, even the people are beige. If you want to give your system a real shock spend a few blissful days in San Francisco where the daily temperature topped out at 68 degrees and then hop on a plane to Phoenix where the temperature hovers slightly above broil. The natives love to say, "Yes, it's hot but it's a dry heat." My oven is a dry heat too but I don't plan to sit in there.

San Francisco

When my plane landed this afternoon the temperature was 65 degrees. Lord, I seriously thought about stretching out nekid on the cool concrete but figured that was a little much for my first day here so I'll save that for Sunday. My hotel is right on the trolley line so I hear ding ding every few minutes and of course the next thing that goes through my mind is, "Riceroni..the San Francisco treat." Could be a long week. I attended both cocktail parties, met some fun people and was greatly relieved to discover that I was not the oldest person in the room. The windows actually open in my hotel room and the street musicians are playing this evening. The drummer I could do without and there is one saxophonist who has played the theme from The Godfather for the past hour but I even enjoy him. It's been a long day and all this cool non humid air is making me positively giddy so I'm calling it a day.

Sleep...what's that?

Apparently my body has decided sleep is highly overrated. Sunday night I went to bed a total of four times and never did fall asleep but is my bathroom ever clean! About 3 AM I had had enough of popping in and out of bed like a high priced call girl at a Shriner convention so I cleaned my bathroom and did two loads of laundry. I also vacuumed my bedroom and dusted the furniture. I know, I was as shocked as you are. When I got home from work Monday evening I thought I would be really tired but noooooo....I went to bed about 10 PM, woke up at 2 AM and never did go back to sleep. What the heck? I don't like this one bit and sleeping used to be my hobby...well, paaahaaa guess it's not anymore. If this not sleeping thing is just one more joy of getting older then I ain't happy. Remember when you were 25 and had a new baby who was awake 28 hours a day and all you wanted to do was sleep? But noooo, social services frowns on Mom sleeping in her nice warm bed with a screaming baby in the carport. Well..duh, of course the baby would be in the carport. If he was in the house Mom wouldn't be able to sleep. Now my screaming babies have screaming babies of their own and I still can't sleep. Maybe I'm bionic.

Plumbing Woes

I must have been raised by Keebler Elves or maybe some strange cult of dogooders as people never fail to amaze me. You have probably figured out that I am a pretty trusting person and if you tell me you are going to do something then I truly believe you will follow through. So far three plumbers have returned my messages and all three told me they would be here on a specific day. Unfortunately those days were weeks ago and I have yet to see a plumber. I know, I know and yes it was hard to cram that much naive into 5' 5". I have a simple repair that needs to be done and I won't bore you with the details. I can do most basic repairs but plumbin' just ain't my thang. Oh it's not that I haven't tried because I have and that brings up bad memories of what the neighbors still refer to as "THE GREAT CRAPPER FLAPPER INCIDENT". Let's just say it was ugly...and wet. In my defense the directions were not exactly clear and yes I did have to mop. Upstairs and downstairs. Plus fix a ceiling. I also had to paint...and apologize, a lot.

Entertainment

I love working in the tourism industry and sometimes feel guilty about charging people admission when in reality they are much more entertaining than anything we have to offer. An example would be a lady who was here the other night for a formal event and since I am a shoe person I always peek at shoes mostly to make sure someone doesn't have a pair that I don't already own which is very unlikely but I look anyway. A lady about my age came in all decked out and wait until I tell you about the shoes. They were acrylic slides, the heel was about 3 inches high and 3 inches around but here is the kicker. Each heel was filled with water and contained a live fish. I have GOT to get a pair of those shoes! Then we have the people who apparently have no clue that they have gained 75 pounds since high school and think they can wear low cut jeans with a little tank top. Well honey, I know for a FACT that when you have gained 75 lbs you ain't wearing nothin' little and that muffin top you got goin' on IS NOT something anybody wants to see....but the shoes with the fish, oh yeah. I'm so getting a pair of those shoes. OH....I don't plan to wear them but they would look so cool on my desk right next to my drum sticks and plastic dog doo.

OH...THAT was a compliment!

Polly, Katy, Matthew and I stopped at the local Claire's store because...well, because Polly has three daughters and it is required by law that we go to a Claire's store at least once a week to make sure we aren't running low on bling. After making a few selections (anything remotely related to Hannah Montana) we make the trek to the register to pay for our purchases. The young lady who was ringing up our merchandise overheard Polly call me Mom. Now, you have to read this with a southern accent to get the full effect. "Hey...she not be yer Mamma!?!" Polly assured her that yes I was her Mama. The clerk said, "Well, I ain't believing dat..dat woman don't got no wrinkles and anybody old enough to be your Mamma usually looks lak a pure hot mess." Hmmm, I'm not sure Polly came out as well as I did in this discussion but it sure gave us a good laugh.

Forgetful?

Sometimes I am forgetful but nothing like my friend Sherry. I have forgotten to pay a traffic ticket, jury duty (ONE time!), meetings or a birthday now and then but when I talked to Sherry last night she told me she was dizzy and not feeling well. I showed the proper concern, asked what was wrong and her response blew me away. Sherry was dizzy because she had FORGOTTEN TO EAT. OK..I have forgotten to pay an electric or cable bill and one time (Polly, I am so sorry) I forgot to pickup one of the children from basketball practice. In my defense it was Gail's turn to pickup the girls and I had forgotten that we had traded days. But forget to eat??? Pffffftb......I don't think so.

Full Moon??

My goodness...what is going on in my world? Normally I enjoy my job and sometimes (oh dear God, can't believe I'm saying this) I actually look forward to going to work. Well, this past week is about to cure that feeling. Everyone is on edge, TommyB is turning purple three or four times a day instead of his normal once or twice and we are all jumping down each others throats for no real reason. Stevens pants were unzipped most of the morning and did any of us discretely let him know?? OH HECK NO....not only did we not tell him but we were secretly chuckling and wondering what his reaction would be when he finally discovered that while he was trying to carry on a serious conversation Mr. Winky was ALMOST out the door. That is mean...just plain mean....and we didn't care! The whole week has been like this and I think it's probably a good thing most of the office will be out for a long weekend or it could turn really ugly back in the admin area.