Wow, where do I start.

Umm, this is a true story and I hardly know where to begin so here goes nothing. You have probably figured out I'm a pretty conservative person from politics to tradition to well, just about anything. The son of one of my best friends and his partner are expecting their first baby this fall. They are doing a home birth with a midwife which scares me a little but they also live within minutes of two very good hospitals so that is reassuring, Here is the part I just don't get, they are doing a Lotus Birth. Yeah, I had never heard of it either and I suggest you "give it a Google" but first put your sandwich down (I pray it's not pot roast) because I guarantee you won't want it anymore. A Lotus Birth means after the baby is born the cord is not cut and the placenta is placed in what appears to be my grandma's potato salad bowl to dry naturally which will take two to ten days depending on the humidity. It is traditional for the aunts, sisters, cousins and grandmothers to prepare a ceremonial cloth to line "the bowl" prior to the birth. This certainly wouldn't be my cup of tea (so to speak) but holy moly Martha think of the inconvenience. Everytime you pick-up, diaper, rock or move the baby you will be dragging 4-6 pounds of placenta, which is still attached to your baby by the umbilical cord AND a big ole potato salad bowl. I seem to remember being pretty sleep deprived those first few days (who am I kidding...YEARS) and I can envision a freshly diapered placenta in the bassinet and a new baby in the potato salad bowl. Since we bypassed gross several sentences ago let's get to the part we are all thinking about but haven't mentioned yet. The article clearly states, "Depending on the humidity level the placenta may become malodorous during the drying process." Ya think?? It is suggested the new parents keep fresh lavender on hand during this time. Fresh lavender...yeah right, good luck and let me know how that works for ya. OH...did I forget to mention they also have a dog? My oldest daughter said it best. "They have never spent any time on a farm have they?"