Monday, May 12, 2008


There are many milestones during our lives and of course we all remember the first day of school, finally turning 16 and passing the driving test and your first date are all happy milestones but we also have milestones that are heartbreaking and one of mine is today. Twenty years ago today our handsome, smart, talented, funny son left us. His departure actually began five years earlier when he was fifteen and discovered drugs . Like most people his first drug choice was marijuana but it only took a month or two for him to progress to cocaine and turn his, as well as his family's, entire world upside down. Our Eagle Scout, good student, star athlete became a stranger. A stranger who would steal from his family, friends and neighbors to get that next fix. A boy whose smile could light up a room became a surly, lying, thieving stranger. Those years were horrible for his sisters as well as his parents but most of all for himself. We became "Rehab Regulars" and just as we would all begin to get our hopes up that our boy was back there would be a relapse. I lost count of the number of times this happened but we never gave up. However, at 11:15 AM on Thursday May 12, 1988 my darling boy did give up and put a gun to his head to end his pain. What a coincidence, because that is when our pain truly began.


ga.farmgirl said...

Oh Jan, I am so sorry. It just breaks my heart to read that. I know part of your pain. I just don't know what else to say, but my heart hurts for you.
Email me sometime.

Anny said...

I am here for you, as always, and you know Bud was a big part of our lives. We loved him.

Eddie Carter said...

I know this doesn't begin to cover how we all feel - but I sure do miss him!

Candace & Anna said...

I am so sorry for your loss! I lost my brother to a battle with liquer. It isn't something that you ever get over and I am sure your pain is so much worse as a Mother. I often think even 12 years later oh man I wish Robbie were here so he could ... you know whatever from the small stuff to the big stuff it doesn't matter. It is just a constant hole, an incompleteness. I just thought I would share all of this in hopes that you would know that you are not alone.

By the way I came to your site from Life on a Southern Farm

Jan said...

Candace, you are exactly never get over it but you do have to find a way to live with it. I think our family has managed to do that and I hope your family has too. Thank you for your kind comment, this is always a tough week at our house.