Time Travel

Do you believe in time travel? I do as anytime I smell burning leaves I am right back in the 8th grade and the sky is that impossible deep blue that you only see in the fall. Anny and I are raking leaves which will be followed by a big night of Monopoly, Chef Boy R Dee pizza and the drink of choice is RC Cola. Oh yeah, big time Saturday night in Kingman, IN circa 1963. Of course burning leaves is not exactly PC these days and while I really do sympathize with people who have allergies and I know it's not good for the environment BUT... I miss the smell of leaf smoke. Weenie roasts and hayrides...do kids get to do that anymore? We always used apple wood for the fire and I still love the smell of a wood fire but I'm starting to sound like a bit of a pyromaniac. There are other smells (not fire related, I promise!) that take me back too... bacon and coffee remind me of my Grandma as well as Pledge. I swear that woman Pledged anything that stood still. Time travel? Oh yeah, I am a believer.

HUH?

I'm sitting here minding my own business, paying a few bills, ignoring a few bills and have TV Land on in the background just for the company. In a court of law I would swear June Cleaver just said, "Thank you Ward, now I have to go pee on the hard boiled eggs." However, based on my past history with June I feel certain she actually said, "Thank you Ward, now I have to go PEEL the hard boiled eggs." The point I am trying to make is, how many other things am I hearing wrong. This has been happening to me for years. Remember Creedance Clearwater Revival? One of my favorite songs is Bad Moon Rising and I thought the lyrics were THERE'S A BATHROOM ON THE RIGHT when the actual words are THERE'S A BAD MOON ON THE RISE. It never occurred to me that my words made no sense, well actually my words do make sense but it never occurred to me that my words were wrong. OH...and it took me years to figure out that Abba wasn't singing IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND (Jackie Chan) I'M THE FIRST IN LINE (Jackie Chan). Well, actually they were singing MOST of those words except where I was singing Jackie Chan Abba was singing TAKE A CHANCE. I have a doctors appointment next week and I hope he speaks loudly and clearly when he says, "I want to listen to your heart." Otherwise he could be in for a real surprise.

Sex And The City

I'm never the first one to do anything but today Debi and I snuck (sneaked? snucked? ) out the back door at work to see the first showing Sex And The City...and it was good. Not Acadamy Award Citizen Kane Gone With The Wind great but very good and well worth seeing. I almost didn't go because the review in our local paper was so bad but when I read to the bottom of the page the reviewer mentioned he had never seen the TV show. Well good Lord, why in he world would the paper have a MAN review a "chick flick" and especially a man who has never seen the show on HBO. The movie is very well done and of course the scenery and wardrobe will just blow you away. I wish I would have counted how many wardrobe changes there were for Sarah Jessica Parker, can't even begin to guess. There aren't a lot of surprises but for me this movie was like running into old friends whom you haven't seen in years and that certainly beats working on a Friday afternoon... PLUS there was popcorn!

Just when you think you've seen it all...

By the time you've raised three children you feel like you've pretty much seen it all. One child took the lid off of the back of the toilet (ALL I said was jiggle the handle) and managed to drop the lid through the tank and flood the entire downstairs. We had another child who loved to lay on their bed, talk on the phone and throw dirty socks in the ceiling fan which would result in the dirty socks being slung across the hall into her brothers room and start a fight of epic proportions. OH...and my personal favorite was when the youngest child gave the cat a ride in the dryer. That was a real fun morning but Estelle emerged from the dryer all fluffy and April Fresh. Well...you get the picture, not easy to surprise a Mom. The youngest child left home for college 20 years ago so there haven't been many surprises around here lately...until this morning. OK...I woke up at my regular time, listened to the local news, made a cup of coffee, brought the paper in and climbed back into bed to enjoy my coffee and the paper before getting ready for work. Hmmm.....my leg touched something verrry strange toward the foot of the bed. I carefully lifted up the comforter and Morty jumped up on the bed all huffy, gave me a dirty look and dove under the comforter. He proudly emerged with a partially eaten CHICKEN BREAST! YEEEWWW! I had stopped at Bojangles last night and brought home a chicken breast for dinner and since I didn't finish it Morty apparently decided to have a little Midnight snack. Yuk...a new low, sleeping with garbage.

Salesman Repellant

Why is it when I go shopping I either have a sales clerk following me around like they think I'm trying to stuff a DVD player down my pants, sorry...but that space happens to already be occupied by my ample rear end and believe me, there tain't anymore room. Or the other end of the spectrum is sometimes I really need a sales clerk and I could do a tap dance on the cash register and still nobody shows up to help. Anyway, my friend Sharon and I have found the cure for the overbearing sales clerk that is guaranteed to work at any TV or appliance store. All you have to do is walk in with a Consumer Reports tucked under your arm and you will be all alone for HOURS. Apparently there is a secret signal that goes off anytime two women come through the front door of an appliance store carrying a Consumer Reports and every salesman suddenly is called to the back room...sort of like a signal from the bat cave. When we first walked in the door of Appliance World there must have been 6 salesmen scattered around the store in various stages of relaxation. They were talking and laughing while leaning on stoves, kicked back in office chairs watching a game on TV and of course the eager (eager = works on straight commission) ones who greet you at the door. My hand to God...all I did was lay the Consumer Report on a counter, open the magazine to the item I was interested in and every salesman evaporated into thin air never to be seen or heard from again. However, I did learn something very important. Not only can you shop online for a new TV (in your jammies or even nekid if you want to) the delivery man even hooks up your cable if you can manage to look helpless enough. Not a problem for this old gal...I am becoming more helpless each day.

Pictures

For someone who is the only child of an only child I certainly have a butt load of pictures. I am trying to get things better organized (when you are pregnant it's called nesting when you are my age it's called impending death or the big dirt nap) and the only MAJOR project I have left are all these darn pictures. I've been reading articles with suggestions for sorting and organizing pictures but everything I have read seems to be directed to the type of person who has two snapshots in their jewelry box and a shoebox of photos on the top shelf of their closet. Honey, I have 6 (SIX!!) 36 gallon Rubbermaid totes of photos, letters, swimming awards, report cards, letters from WW II and well you get the picture...har har I just punned. The most recent article I read suggested keeping your box of photos next to your favorite chair and organizing while you watch TV. OK...first of all I don't need a new refrigerator and that is the only size box that would come close to holding all my photographs and I have to tell you I don't think I would like climbing in and out of that box a gazillion times while I'm trying to watch My Big Redneck Wedding. I have come to the conclusion that THE GREAT PICTURE PROJECT (yes, I do feel the need to capitalize AND bold) is going to be like trying to eat an elephant. So, if any of you have any suggestions, encouragement or even sympathy....I could use some HELP!

Motorcycles

I don't have anything against motorcycles...really I don't but three straight weekends of motorcycle rallies can stretch a persons patience. The past two weekends have been the Spring Harley Rally. The Harley's are noisy, they drink a lot of beer and they like to have a good time BUT 99% of the Harley owners are my age or older so they are ready to go to bed by midnight. This weekend is Atlantic Beach Bike Festival and these folks are just getting ready to party at midnight. Most of them are young (remember when we were invincible?) so they take crazy chances on the roads and a good number of them forgot to pack their clothes. You have never seen so much nekid booty on a motorcycle in your life. Apparently these girls did not have grandma's like mine. My grandma always said, "If it ain't purty then don't put it on the front porch." SO....my plan is not to go out my front door until I have to leave for work on Monday morning and yes I have to work on Monday. HELLOOOO??? I work in tourism, holidays are just another day in the week to us but at least I'm not bitter.