Debi & The Ferry

Does that title just sound like the sweetest story EVER??? Well, if you are looking for a sweet story I suggest you move on down the line because the only thing sweet about this story is the homemade cheesecake that enters the picture a bit further down the page. Funny yes, sweet no. Let's start at the beginning. Debi, Princess and I were having lunch before taking Debi to catch the 12:30 ferry back to THE REAL WORLD. Debi and I ordered our lunch but of course Princess had a SPECIAL order which means Debi and I had finished before Princess's lunch even arrived. I looked at the time and said, "If we leave right now, Debi can still catch the 12:30 ferry." Just as those words were out of my mouth Princess's freshly prepared by angels hands lunch arrived. I suggested that I take Debi to the ferry and then come back to get Princess but Princess was having no part of that plan. It seems Princess is not comfortable eating alone and proceeded to dispatch us (her semi-loyal servants) to buy her a newspaper (so she would have something to do), refresh her soft drink and oh yes...more napkins. Debi and I finish our chores and go tearing out of the parking lot (yes, I had my drivers license in my pocket) to the ferry. We arrive at the ferry landing and the lady at the ticket window says oh yes, we are in plenty of time for the next ferry and when we admire the cheesecake she is eating she went to the back and brought us each a piece homemade cheesecake topped with fresh strawberries. Wow...how nice is THAT! We are both stuffed to the gills and as good as the cheesecake looks there is no way we can eat it now and the idea of juggling luggage and a plate of cheesecake on the ferry is less than appealing so Debi suggested I take her cheesecake back for Princess. It's now 12:20, the ferry leaves at 12:30 and we both figure Princess has been alone about as long as she can tolerate so I gave Debi a hug and headed back to attend to Princess. About halfway back to retrieve Princess the sky opens up and it begins to thunder, lightning and pour buckets of rain for the next three hours. Princess and I go back to the house, get our books, afghans and prepare to read and nap the rest of the rainy afternoon. About 4pm Princess and I woke up and while still all warm & cozy with our afghans across our laps we flipped on Oprah and took our first bite of the BEST cheesecake ever tasted by mankind. It was right about then that my cell phone rang. It was Debi. She had just gotten to her car. She was also cold, soaking wet and more than a little pissy. Hmmm, if the ferry left at 12:30, Debi should have been in her car no later than 1:10 and back in Myrtle Beach by 2:30. Wellllll.....it seems there is no 12:30 ferry this time of year nor is there a 1:30 or 2:30 but there is one at 3:30! You are probably asking yourself why Debi didn't call us on my cell phone while she was waiting for three hours in the pouring down rain. There is a very good reason for that as her cell phone died that morning in the middle of making a call to check on lunch selections for Princess and Debi had left her charger in the car. She could have used the phone in the nice cheesecake sharing ferry lady's booth to call us on the house phone except she didn't remember the address of where we were staying or the name of the people who own the house. Debi did ask the nice cheesecake sharing ferry lady why the 12:30, 1:30 and 2:30 departures were still showing on the schedule when clearly no ferries were in sight. The nice cheesecake sharing ferry lady smiled real big and said, "Well, EVERYBODY knows this time of year we don't go by that schedule."

P.S. Princess said the cheesecake was excellent. Love ya Deb!

Fleeing From Justice

Well, we didn't EXACTLY flee as it's not easy to flee from the scene of a crime in a golf cart plus there wasn't really a crime. After breakfast Princess and I were out tooling around in the golf cart (Bald Head Island doesn't allow cars) and I might add we were minding our own business and for once we truly were not bothering anybody. Anyway, just as we came up to the ONLY major intersection on the entire island we saw a road block, of sorts. There were 2 golf carts, with flashing blue lights blocking the intersection. WOW! There were probably a total of 47 people on the entire island and we were going to get to watch somebody get taken DOWN! Not quite. The very polite policeman (who appeared to be all of 12, with a concave chest, little round shoulders and trying very very hard to grow a moustache...we could have snapped him like a pretzel) asked to see my drivers license. OH GREAT, when we left the house I had jammed enough cash for breakfast in my pocket but didn't pick up my drivers license. In a high quivering voice the very polite policeman reminded me that it was North Carolina law for the operators of golf carts to be a minimum of 16 years old and to have a drivers license in their possession. Princess and I are both trying very hard to keep a straight face because good Lord, who gets stopped by a made by Fisher-Price policeman on a deserted island.....uhhhh, us. So at that point Princess piped up and said, "Wow....good thing you had that 16th birthday yesterday." OK....my 16th birthday was in 1966 and I am thinking this is it, 12 years old or not our butts are on the way to jail and every shred of any dignity I ever had was gone. Fortunately the 12 year old policeman had a sense of humor and after one glance he KNEW my 16th birthday had been at least 35 years before he was born. We think he also figured out that he wanted NOTHING to do with us and in fact he seemed very happy to see us drive away. Imagine that.

Ever traveled with a PRINCESS??

Oh man oh man oh man...let me tell you how you know you are with a PRINCESS. This is a brief synopsis of our first evening. Two of us are downstairs (already dressed, ready to go) and PRINCESS is still in her room...doing only God knows what. Sooo it was about this time that the big restaurant debate begins and it goes a lot like this. We said, "Hey Princess...where would you like to go for dinner?" and Princess says, "Sigh...oh I don't care, you girls pick." Sounds simple...right? Yeah well, so we say, "How about the River Pilot House...they have these GREAT pork chops. " Princess announces, "I don't like pork chops." Sooo we point out that they also have steak or chicken and Princess announces that she wants lobster and filet. FINE....we will go to The Club and have surf and turf. Princess says, "The Club? Don't you have to dress up to go there?" We tell Princess no, but you can't wear shorts and t-shirts." It was at this point Princess announces that she doesn't want to change but what other restaurants are here. We remind Princess that we are on an ISLAND, a very small island and there are not a lot of choices. Princess wants to know if they have pizza and when we tell her yes they do have pizza but she wants to have it delivered and this time of year you have to have your order in by six to have pizza delivered. So we get in the golf cart and go to the pizza place. THE PIZZA PLACE HAS ALREADY CLOSED. Soooo....Princess then announces that we can take her to the grocery store where she will buy a frozen pizza, then we can take her back at the house and the "rest of us" can go out to dinner. Well...the "rest of us" look at each other and say, "Uhhh....no." We hauled our whiney, high maintenance Princess to the River Pilot House where the "rest of us" ordered the pork chops while Princess pouted and ordered a salad (plus made the waitress recite 32 different dressings before choosing Ranch) and She Crab Soup. The salad was OK, the soup was OK but of course not nearly as good as The Sea Captains House. WELL.....DUH, SHE CRAB SOUP HAS BEEN THE SPECIALITY AT THE SEA CAPTAIN'S HOUSE FOR 50 FLIPPIN' YEARS! We were raving about our pork chops, the fresh spinach and the mashed potatoes...OH MY GOD THE POTATOES when Princess announces she would like to try a bite of my pork chop. OK...I cut a nice chunk of pork chop for Princess to try and this is what Princess had to say, "OH this is really good, I wish I had ordered the pork chop." The loud thumping you heard was the "rest of us" pounding our heads against the wall.

Bald Head Island

Bald Head Island has to be one of my favorite places on earth. Deserted beaches, no cars and quiet, quiet quiet. The ferry ride is a just long enough to decompress from the "real world" to the "don't I wish I could afford to live like this everyday" world. Of course, as usual, our timing was not the best but hey, it's me so you can't be surprised. It was drizzly, almost dark and we didn't stop at the grocery store on our way over because we didn't want to lug groceries and luggage on the ferry and we KNEW we would have time to get to the island grocery before it closed. Well...pah ha! Took us a big longer to figure out the garage door to get the golf cart out and then Ding Dong, my buddy Chris, forgot the map and I wasn't exactly sure where we were going especially in the dark and did I mention there are no streetlights? Sooooo...there we are in the dark, noses pressed to the golf cart windshield and trying to find the grocery store. Well, between the drizzle and no street lights we finally said the heck with it and circled back to Eb & Flo's for a hot dinner and adult libations. Ah yes, good choice and now my friends I'm going to the deck to join my buddy and listen to the ocean and oh OK, maybe another adult libation or three.

Drama, drama, drama at the local Wal-Mart

After a thrill filled day of doing paperwork for SEVEN straight hours I decided that all I really needed to top off this cold, gray rainy day was a stop at the local Wal-Mart for laundry detergent. Have you tried Tide's new lavender vanilla scented detergent? Smells so good I don't know whether to dab perfume or laundry detergent behind my ears. Downy also has the lavender vanilla scented softener and honey you haven't lived until you crawl between lavender vanilla scented sheets. OK, so now you know why I was at Wal-Mart and this is what happened while I was standing in line to check out and of course there was a line...I ALREADY TOLD YOU I WAS AT WAL-MART! This really isn't funny but I actually snorted trying to keep from laughing out loud. There was a couple who appeared to be in their 70's in front of me and since I was bored and am basically a very nosey person I was listening to their conversation. They were talking about the wife's elderly mother who is a pretty hefty lady, well into her 90's and lives in the house next door to them. Apparently the mother is very capable most of the time but lately she has started to wander off once or twice a week. Fortunately they live in a small town and (so far) the neighbors have seen her out and about and brought her home. The wife mentioned taking turns with her siblings staying with their mom and there was also the possibility of a granddaughter who might be willing to move in with her and then the wife made a fatal error. She said, "Well...Harold you haven't had anything to say, what do you think?" Harold replied " I think we need to stamp the old bats name and address on her forehead and make her wear a shock collar so she will be easier to bring down." Me thinks there has been no love lost between Harold and his mother in law over the past 50 plus years.

There is no cure for stupid.

Not only is there no cure I think there should be a law requiring all stupid people to carry a sign. The sign would make life so much easier for the rest of us because we would know what to expect and not be surprised when we see some ying yang dilly dallying along at 45 mph in the left lane and if General Motors would design a car with a 25 foot rubber bumper I would be their first customer. I'm running late for work this morning (if you listen closely you can hear TommyB in the background saying, "Well...yeah, what else is new.") but it's not a problem because I'm making gooood time baby! I'm zipping right down ole Hwy 17 with the sun roof open, radio crankin' out the ABBA tunes, hittin' all the green lights and then it happened. I put on my left turn signal to change lanes (turn signal? I know, what can I say...I'm a rebel) and there it was...a light blue 1994 Lincoln Continental. The speed limit (limit schmlimit) along that stretch is 60 mph so of course I was hitting about 67 mph UNTIL I pulled in behind Mr. Magoo's grandmother. Oh man, oh man....we are cruising along in the left lane at a whole 45 mph. I assume the car has a driver but all I can see are eight knuckles and a tuft of white hair. Cars are FLYING by me in the right lane but noooooo, we are still topping out at 45 mph in the left lane. OK, no problem....the hospital is at the next light and I bet my right kidney she/he will be turning there. Dang! Went right through that intersection but we are still zooming along at 45 mph in the left lane. OK...at the next light we have a BI-Lo Grocery and several doctors offices, bet she/he is going there. AH HA! Yep, there he/she goes...makes a RIGHT TURN FROM THE LEFT LANE ACROSS THREE LANES OF TRAFFIC AT 45 MPH. Yep, definitely need to order those signs.

The Ring

When Eddie and the grandchildren were here visiting this week I was reminded of one of many unexplained (shhhh...do you hear the Twilight Zone theme music??) things that have happened to us over the years. My mother passed away in 1991 and left one of her cocktail rings to Eddie. The ring is made up of six small diamonds from family jewelry that had been passed down for several generations and the ring looks almost like a flower or small tree branch with leaves. Eddie and I are horrible (but still not as bad as Polly) about losing jewelry and we won't talk about my grandmothers ruby and opal ring that I am willing to bet is still in a sandbox in Terre Haute, IN. I'm over that...really I am, well someday I MIGHT be able to discuss the ring (or lack of) without having a melt down, but probably not. Anyway, on to the story about Eddie's ring. Eddie had worn the ring to a company party but instead of putting the ring back in her jewelry box at the end of the evening LIKE HER MOTHER TOLD HER TO ALWAYS DO she put the ring on her night stand. Several days go by and she remembered that the ring needed to be put away but now it was nowhere on or around her night stand. Eddie moved furniture, shook the sheets and comforter, looked under the bed, inside shoes....every possible nook and cranny but no ring. A week or two went by (she had confided in her sister but neither one of them had been brave enough to tell me yet) and it was time for another evening event. Eddie was talking with a lady she had never met before and happened to glance at the womans hand. The lady was wearing a beautiful antique ring and Eddie shared the story about her grandmother, the missing ring and the ongoing search. The lady laughed and told Eddie that the ring she was wearing was also a gift from her grandmother and she too had misplaced the ring a few months ago. After a week of searching she decided the ring was gone for good and filed an insurance claim. A few days later she emptied the bathroom trash and heard a strange clunk. Upon closer investigation lo and behold the missing ring was found. After the party Eddie could not get her grandmothers ring off her mind and once again searched all around the nightstand and bed, still no ring. As she was brushing her teeth she felt really silly but decided what the heck and picked up her bathroom trash basket even though she KNEW she had left the ring on her nightstand. Yep, you guessed right..the missing ring was in the trash basket in a wad of Kleenex. We feel certain Eddie accidentally picked the ring up with the used tissue when she was cleaning her room but can you explain the conversation with the stranger at the party? Coincidence? Maybe. Grandma helping her find her ring? That's what we choose to believe. OK Mom....helping Eddie find that ring was a super nice thing for you to do and something we will never forget but I really really wish you would help me find the missing ruby and opal ring. Hmmmm, come to think of it...Eddie lost that ring too but at least I'm not bitter.