Super Bowl Sunday!

I love the parties, love the team rivalry, love the menu but watch the game??? Never in a million years. Oh I usually try to catch the last 15 minutes but even that doesn't happen every year and guess what...ESPN will show me every thing that actually happened, should have happened and what will never happen again. I do enjoy the commercials but thanks to the internet I can still see them and not have to suffer through 17 hrs (seems like) of sweaty overweight men in tight pants. Heck, I can go to Wal-Marts and see that any day of the week. Even the half time entertainment will be featured for weeks and I don't know about you but I have seen about all I care to see of Janet Jackson's boob AND her boob ornament. Until the "malfunction" I didn't even know you could buy ornaments for boobs and if I had been forced to guess I would have said some kind of little fur hat certainly not a cold piece of metal. The only reason I can possibly think of to watch the game this year is to see how the heck a baseball team made it to the Super Bowl.

Nose Pickers

Do people think they are invisible when they are in a vehicle? I was sitting at a red light and happened to glance at the car in the next lane. My hand to God..A GROWN man had his index finger buried to the second knuckle. If he's doing that in public...wonder what he's doing in the privacy of his own home?

New Driver Alert

Tory has her drivers license and I really don't know how this happened. In my eyes she is still four years old and thinks I can blow on traffic lights and make them turn green. Children getting their drivers license causes so many mixed feelings for parents. First there is excitement in the possibility that MAYBE you can actually finish cooking dinner at least one night without stopping midway to pick someone up from basketball practice. Excited is quickly followed by pain and a few tears when you receive the first insurance bill. Pain and excitement are soon replaced by reality when you realize that yes, your child is growing up but if you have to remind them more than 18 times to slow down during a five mile trip perhaps they are not quite ready to drive alone or worse, with friends. Soooo...with all this being said Polly is on her way to the school gym to coach the middle school boys basketball practice and she receives a phone call from our new driver. "Mom, I have a great idea." "Hunter and I want to go to the boys soccer game and since I can drive we will wait for you here at school and I can drive us to the game." Polly explains to Tory that she really doesn't think Tory is ready to drive with anyone else in the car quite yet. Conversation over. Two minutes later the phone rings again..guess who. "Mom, I promise Hunter and I will go straight there and come straight back to the school and I will be careful." Again Polly says no but explains that she will be happy to take Tory and Hunter to the soccer game. Two minutes later, phone rings..."Mom, you know I am responsible and you trust me to babysit Matthew so I don't understand why I can't drive to the game." Once again Polly told her no and don't ask again. Two minutes later the phone rings and Tory says, "Mom, is Dad with you or is he at the office?" If you have children I am willing to bet you know where this conversation went and no, Tory didn't drive that night and I'm not sure she will be allowed to drive before 2021.

Read the instructions first...ya big dummy.

You already know I am a huge fan of AS SEEN ON TV products. Some people collect Precious Moments, some people bake and some of us sit around with a credit card in our hand just waiting for that next exciting new invention...like ShamWow or The Pocket Fisherman. Yes, I own both of those items but they do not compare to my latest purchase, Smooth Away or as I like to call it..READ THE INSTRUCTIONS FIRST YA BIG DUMMY OR YOUR FACE WILL LOOK LIKE A HUNK OF HAMBURGER. The instructions are very clear, the product works great but if you don't read the instructions first prepare to spend a week like I just did with your face doused in Ponds Cold Cream 24 hrs a day. The Smooth Away comes in two sizes. The larger pads are for your arms and legs and the smaller pads are for your face unless you are like me and don't read the directions but decide that since you are in a hurry you will give your face a few good swipes with the large pad and call it a day. My face looked like I live on the sun and oh my gosh...P-A-I-N. Nothing soothed the discomfort except Ponds Cold Cream and everybody at work thought I was applying to clown college. Bottom line, read the instructions, FOLLOW the instructions and you will love your Smooth Away. I should be able to blink by Thursday.

New Yeas Eve....Bleah!

New Year's Eve has never been my favorite holiday but I do enjoy dinner with friends, maybe a movie and then safely home before the drunks leave the bars and hit the roads. Well, isn't that a pretty picture? Rosemary, TommyB and I met good friends, Tom & Janie, for dinner at a new Italian restaurant here in town and we had a great time. The restaurant was slam packed full and our 8pm reservation didn't happen until 8:45pm but the food made the wait worthwhile. Each course was wonderful and the bread was out of this world. Of course it probably didn't hurt any that we were all starving and almost had a fistfight over one fuzzy Tic Tac I found in the bottom of my purse while we were waiting for a table. I was the designated driver but not drinking could hardly be called a sacrafice as I very seldom drink anyway. We had to laugh when the waitress brought Rosemary her scotch and soda. Oh, it was the proper mix, just the right amount of ice but it was in a wine glass as the bar was out of cocktail glasses. Anyway, it was a very pleasant evening and the only drunks we encountered were in my backseat on their way home.

Old age is middle school with walkers.

The last of the holiday teas was at 1pm today and I feel certain I can speak for everyone in the catering department when I say THANK YOU JESUS! I think 13 yr old girls were put on this earth to torture their parents with their eye rolling, smart remarks and funky wardrobe choices but I have met that 13 yr old girls match and she is riding a bus with her Medicare Card carrying gang. There is always one little old dried up man traveling with at least 40 widowed women and for that three day bus trip he is living the life of Hugh Hefner. His every need is anticipated by his harem as they elbow each other out of the way for the seat of honor...right next to Hef. To you and I, Hef bears a striking resemblance to an apple head doll I had when I was six years old but maybe dentures and humps are an aphrodisiac when combined with diesel fumes. Oh well, I am fast approaching that age so I guess I will get back with ya on that one.

Oh man, another haircut.

Well, actually all I needed was a trim. Not even a trim just thinned. You will be happy to know that I do not look like a lesbian golfer but on the other hand I'm not sure I wanted my head to look like a button mushroom either. This is not rocket science folks and I promise you I'm not difficult when it comes to haircuts but there is something about my head, hair texture or the diminishing ozone layer that screams to anyone with a pair of scissors in their hand that this woman NEEDS TO BE AN OBJECT OF RIDICULE.