You're kidding...right??

I love the symphony. There is something magical about a live performance of any kind but the symphony is special. Well, it used to be special. It was special until I chaperoned a group of seven year old boys...six of them to be exact for an afternoon at the symphony. It was the first really cold day, snowing hard and of course the wind was only slightly below gale force. After loading the boys (why do I always get the boys??) in the trusty Suburban I knew we were in trouble when I glanced in my rear view mirror and all six of them had removed their coats, hats, gloves and were in the process of trading boots. Why? I don't know why....they are boys, they are seven and seven year old boys do things like strip on the way to the symphony. I put my hand to my forehead and muttered my first swear word of the day, the first of many swear words. Of course all the parking spots close to the performance center are taken and we are forced to park in a questionable area between two taverns. Lovely. It takes a few minutes to sort out hats, gloves, coats and boots but after lots of snorts and giggles (the boys) and sweating & tugging (me) everyone has on a hat, coat, boots and at least one glove. I'm sorry you don't have a glove for each hand. Stick your other hand in your pocket and shut up. We walk and walk and when I think the wind could not possibly blow any harder it does a 180 and whips down my neck. Me and my "little gang" finally reach the performance center where they discover (with great delight) the high ceilings of the entry foyer have an awesome echo and the louder you yell the louder the echo. As I looked around the lobby it appeared I was the only chaperone with boys. It seemed to me every other chaperone was there with little girls who were dressed in their finest and patiently waiting to be seated. My group was the one in the middle of the foyer running in circles, yelling whoooo whoooo (remember the echo?) and trying to put boogers in each others hair. We were finally all seated and the conductor made his appearance. It should be against the law for a conductor to wear a hair piece so bad that even seven year old boys snicker. I gave them "the look" and everyone sat back in their seats to enjoy the performance. That lasted halfway through the first piece. One of my gang discovered that if he put his hand in his armpit he could make farting noises in time with the music so of course within 30 seconds I had six boys giggling hysterically and making farting noises in their armpits. I gave up. I was toast. Done. I gathered up my little gang, put hats, coats and gloves back on and worked our way out of the auditorium. There was applause as we were leaving and I really really want to think it was for the symphony.