SMILE...Baby, SMILE!

Several years ago TLC made (it might have been on HBO originally but I saw the show on TLC) a documentary about childrens beauty pageants titled PAINTED BABIES. If I remember correctly it was filmed in 1995. The documentary followed four little girls from the pageant world that were pros or were just getting started with pageants. Not only did I watch the show but I called a friend of mine and we stayed on the phone discussing what was unfolding on the screen and laughing our proverbial tails off. Well, TLC has made a sequel to PAINTED BABIES and it aired this past Sunday night. If you have the opportunity and I am sure you will because the cable channels get their hands on a new show and they tend to play it every 28 minutes or until we can recite the dialog right along with the participants. The sequel is every bit as entertaining as the original but when I say entertaining I mean as in driving by a train wreck can't look away type of entertainment. I do have to admit the two girls featured in Sunday nights show did not turn out nearly as obnoxious as I was expecting but their mothers and grandmothers…Lawz A. Mercy. In real life they are probably perfectly delightful people but thanks to editing and the bizarre world of pageantry they come across as total nut cases. Hang onto your hats but our family had a brief encounter with pageants. If you happen to be a friend or relative of ours I know you are laughing hysterically because Eddie, Polly and I are about as non-pageant as anyone you will ever meet. Here is an example...the hem came out of my favorite pants last week and I fixed it with duct tape. Then I washed the pants and instead of fixing the hem I applied new duct tape. Eddie and I still don’t know what possessed Polly to do this but when Tory was 3 and Katy was 18 months old Polly entered them in a pageant. I thought she had lost her mind and in retrospect I think she must have. She was pregnant with Sarah at the time so we will blame this on "I have two toddlers" insanity plus raging pregnancy hormones. Polly found two beautiful pageant dresses that were second hand but still cost more than my first wedding. Not more than my wedding dress...more than the whole wedding. Getting ready for this pageant was a PRODUCTION. I am willing to bet Princess Diana spent less time getting ready for her wedding to Prince Charles than it took us to curl hair (one child barely had hair and the other child has enough hair for 3 people), put on makeup and you have never lived until you try to put mascara on a 18 month old baby. Katy is almost 13 now and the vision only recently returned to her left eye. OH...I'm kidding I didn't really blind her but I was scared to death that was going to happen. Then you have the ruffled socks, ruffled panties, fancy shoes and hair bows. My hand to God...it was the longest day of my life but the REALLY good news is Polly came to her senses and figured out that we just aren't pageant people.