Sunday, December 13, 2009

Me and plastic surgery...not so much.

About the same time I received my AARP card bookoo years ago I also started receiving invitations to plastic surgery seminars. For the first few years I gave them a glance and pitched them in the trash. However, this past year they have started to hold my interest...especially the ones that include a nice lunch or dinner. My friend Rebecca and I received another invitation this week that included lunch at an especially nice restaurant that we have been wanting to try so we decided what the heck, we are curious AND hungry so let's see what they have to say. Somewhere along lifes pathway Rebecca has developed a turkey neck and not only are my eyes sliding off my face but I have grown bat wings. You know...bat wings? That is what slaps you in the face when you are brushing your teeth. Rebecca and I arrived early and sat in the parking lot to survey the other attendees just to make sure we weren't the oldest saggiest people. Well honey, after about five minutes of people watching we were starting to feel like Cindy Crawford and Christie Brinkley in their heyday. Boy howdy, there was a whole lotta loose skin heading towards that meeting room. We registered and choose our seats carefully. Close enough to see but far enough away that we could still make fun of people without causing too much of a scene. It didn't take long for the entertainment to start. This sweet lady who appeared to be about 93 sat next to me and we all introduced ourselves. After chatting for awhile she announced that she is 64 which made me want to whip out my mirror as that old crone is only four years older than me! She also told us that she had just paid $4,000 for a non-surgical face lift and Rebecca and I were speechless. I know, hard to believe. My hand to God that woman's face looked like a piece of crumpled paper. Rebecca recovered first and asked her what type of procedure she had done and she told us it involved a peel, moisturizers and heat. Unfortunately I recovered my sense of speech at that time and before my good manners could kick in I said, "Well, how about next time I slather you with Vicks, throw a heating pad on your face and I'll only charge you $2,000." It was right about then that Rebecca's foot connected with my shin. It hurt too. We had a lovely lunch met several very interesting people and I came to the conclusion that until they come up with a way to put a knob on the back of my head that I can turn to tighten everything up I am content with my well earned wrinkles and bat wings.


grannyann said...

I loved your post!! Laughed first time today. You need to take your act on the stage. I recently had one side carotid artery done and the Dr said, your scar will just be one more wrinkle. Thanks a lot, made me feel real good.

Blondie said...

Stayed up way past my bedtime reading your blog last night. (Subscribed on my Kindle.) Looking forward to having you on my trips with me. (Not that I would ever read in my jumpseat--oh, no, that would never, ever happen...)

Anonymous said...

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