New Years Eve

New Years Eve has never been a favorite holiday of mine but this year has hit a new low. We had a group of 10 who planned to go out to dinner and then back to my house to play cards. Well...beginning sometime around 2pm the group started falling apart. Two people are sick, several were called in to work and it got to the point where I didn't want to answer the phone so we decided we are all going out for dinner tomorrow evening. That still left this evening open so TommyB and I took Rosemary to The Golden Corral and then to Wal-Mart. Whooptido! Wonder what Paris and Britney are doing tonight??

STILL Caulking and Cabinets

Anybody remember the carpenter/handymen on Green Acres? I think it was a brother and sister and their names were Ralph and Ralph? Ralph and Alph? Well...I have officially become the sister. Everytime I think I'm done I find another project and it's starting to really tick me off. The cabinet doors were looking a bit iffy but not anymore! I also removed some kind of acrylic that had been "sloshed" on the master bath ceramic tile floor. Good Lord...it looked like whoever put it on stood in the middle of the room and slung a bucket over their head. After two hours on my knees with a putty knife, a lot of bad words and elbow grease the acrylic is OFF and the floor is pristine. I keep waiting for HGTV to call and schedule a taping...of course mine would be a WHAT NOT TO DO show but what the heck, I have to start somewhere.

Work, Work, Work

Seems like I'm either at my job or working on the rental mainly BECAUSE WORK IS ALL I DO ANYMORE BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT BITTER. On a scale of 1-10 I would rate digging old caulk out from under toilet bases pretty darn close to a 0. So far today I have replaced crapper flappers, dug out old caulk...OH and I also rehung a plantation blind that did not want to be rehung. It finally popped into it's little bracket but only because I threatened it with a hammer. Now I'm going to take a nap and I may or may not get up before it's time to go to bed. So there....harumpph.

Shopping!

Rosemary and I hit some of the 50% off sales today and I think I got everything except what I went to buy. I used my last scrap of wrapping paper and need to stock up but apparently we were too late for the cheapie places like the Dollar Store. Guess I will see if Hallmark has any left next time I'm at the mall. Eddie and Cameron have had a mild bug..well, don't know that they would describe it as mild. Nothing like having a houseful of company and being under the weather. Polly and family are on their way back to Montana and once again they are driving straight through. Just the thought of driving 40 hours through the mountains with 4 kids gives me the heebie jeebies but they all handle it like troopers. Heck, one time they did it with a cat, two puppies and all four kids. We all love Polly but she ain't quite right.

Morty and Ginglebelle are comatose.

We had so much fun today but just not enough time. Everybody slept until almost nine and after cereal and toast we decided to go to Tanger Outlet. We stopped by The Gap first and according to Polly (and she should know because she paid the bill) we cleaned them out of tank tops and camisoles. She said it kind of snotty too. Sarah, Tory, Katy and I went down to see if Justice was having a sale and they did but not much that interested our group except for the Webkins. Everybody has two new Webkins and man oh man, don't you wish you were the person who came up with THAT idea? Those folks have to be rolling in the $$$. Tory has developed into a BIG Duke fan so we stopped by The Locker Room and stocked her up (much to Uncle Mike's dismay) on Duke items. Uncle Mike is a Tar Heel fan to the bone so I can see some interesting conversations in our future especially during basketball season. We stopped for lunch at (where else) Planet Hollywood and after lunch we made a quick visit to the aquarium. We had our pictures taken (loved the cowgirl one the best) and then hit the road again to meet Tony and Matthew in Lumberton. SOMEBODY...hmmm, Polly maybe? forgot to call Tony when we left Myrtle Beach and we had a little time to kill at the Cracker Barrel in Lumberton. Soooo, we ate again. I think this holiday had a definite theme. Tony and Matthew arrived and we loaded everybody back up for the trip home to Montana. I don't think there is anything any lonlier than that drive back to Myrtle Beach all myself.

Back to the beach.

The Montana kids wanted to spend ONE night at Grandma's house before heading back home so Polly and the three girls treked with me to Myrtle Beach. Tony and Matthew have plans to go quail and duck hunting and Matthew's job is to call the ducks so he was all fired up to get his Carharts on and get in the duck blind. Cameron and Eddie were semi under the weather so it was probably best that we didn't stay the extra day but the time together was too short. Morty and Ginglebelle were THRILLED to see us! They were lonesome and ready to play. Katy found the laser cat toy and ran Morty up and down the hall about 780 times and then discovered Morty would chase the light up the wall. Poor Mort, he ain't the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. Ginglebelle stood over to one side and you could tell she was thinking, "What an idiot, he's a total embarrassment to all felines." There are over 1,000 great restaurants in Myrtle Beach but all we wanted to do was stay home for dinner, put on our jammies, pile on Grandma's bed and watch a movie. We had crab legs, boiled potatoes and of course MORE fudge and rum cake. While I was loading the dishwasher it was Sarah & Katy's job to check out the cable movie rentals and find one we could all watch. In case you are interested...the B button on the remote control does not mean "back up" it means BUY. We had two movies! I couldn't tell you anything about either one of them because according to reliable sources..I was asleep.

We DID have dinner!

Eddie and I managed to get the food together but we both forgot the rolls. We had plenty of flour (especially on the floor AND Avery after the noodle making) so I asked Eddie if she had any yeast...thank goodness she didn't so I didn't have to make rolls. Whew, that was a close one. Avery and Cameron managed to stay in bed until the clock almost said 630. Mike practiced with them several times before they went to bed and they had it down pat. Well, sort of. Cameron woke up and yelled down the hall, "DAAAAD! Is 605 later than 630?" "No, Cameron..go back to sleep." "DAAAAADD! Is 617 later than 630?" No, Cameron...go back to sleep". "DAAAAAD! Is 620 later than 630?" And so it goes. We all went downstairs and Santa had been there! Santa left Avery a new American Girl Doll named Emily and for Cameron he left Pokemon cards and according to Cameron they are not duds they are the GOOD ones! Eddie always makes pigs in a blanket and fresh pineapple for breakfast on Christmas morning and I don't think there was a scrap leftover. Polly and family arrived about 3pm and after dinner we went outside and enjoyed the nice day. The kids played soccer and of course the "swingshot". The best way to describe the swingshot is to say it's probably every ER Dr's worst nightmare. It's a contraption Mike has hung between two trees that, well...it catapults small children about 20 feet into the air and of course the kids think it's the coolest thing ever. We all went for a walk around the neighborhood, through the woods and of course stomped through every puddle. There were hundreds of dollars of new toys at the house but the favorite toy of the day was a deflated beach ball one of the kids found in the creek. Someone blew it up (yuk, never got a confession) and they played with that ball all the way home. We opened gifts when we got back to Mike & Eddie's and the kids played the rest of the evening. We were up to our ears in noodles, fudge and rum cake. We all had a great day, couldn't have been more fun.

Dinner? We are having dinner?

Made it to Charlotte just in time to slam the car into park and run upstairs to change clothes for the candlelight service. Thanks to me, we arrived just late enough that we were in the overflow seating. This is no joke...there was a floor to ceiling 3 ft in diameter pole right directly in front of me. Yep, sure was. I know there was singing but I couldn't tell you who or how many. I enjoyed the service very much in spite of the pole and Avery who ALMOST set my hair on fire. I leaned back just a little too far while she was lighting her candle and we just about had a catastrophe. OH...here is the best part of the day. After church Eddie, Avery and I had to stop by the mall so I could get one last gift and no smarty pants the mall was not crowded and we had no problems finding a parking place either. I know, I was shocked too. Anyway...on the way to the mall Eddie and I are talking and laughing and she says, "So Mom, what are we having for dinner tomorrow?" HUH? "Uhhhhh....Eddie, dinner is at your house, I give up..what are we having for dinner tomorrow?" Well, somehow Eddie had gotten the impression that Polly and I were bringing dinner. Personally I think it was one of those if I wish hard enough it will happen kinda things. Too bad you all couldn't see our faces when we realized it was 4PM on Christmas Eve and we had no idea what we were feeding 12 people for the next two days. Oh yes, it was a classic moment. Sooooo....we took a quick inventory of what we had on hand and started a grocery list. Here is the good news. I had brought a rum cake and everything for chicken & noodles and fudge. We bought a small ham, everything to make dressing and 10 lbs of potatoes (if you are having noodles you have to have mashed potatoes) baby carrots and rolls. Avery and I made the noodles tonight and we will make the fudge in the morning. While we were rolling out the noodles Avery said, "Grandma, do you know they sell these in the store?" I think I have her convinced that ours really will be better. Avery had a good time mixing the eggs and flour but unfortunately it looked like it had snowed in one end of Eddie's kitchen by the time we finished. Mike and Eddie went to a neighbors party for a bit this evening so I guess I better fire up the blower and clean up the kitchen!

Home!

It feels so good to be home! I do have to stop by work for a bit this afternoon but hopefully it will be an in and out visit. Morty and Ginglebelle keep looking at me like.."What? You are here? Don't you need to go somewhere?" I can't tell if they are just surprised that I'm at home or they are waiting for me to leave so they can invite all their delinquent friends over for a kegger.

I was a guest!

Beautiful night for a party. We spent most of the evening outside in the screened porch or by the fire pit on the patio. No wind, lots of stars and crystal clear. Chris made lots of good appetizers and we all brought something so there was a ton of food. We played Dirty Santa and everybody brought a wrapped new gift, regift, good gift or bad gift and there were some doozies there. TommyB brought the worst bottle wine EVER...and was soo happy to see that thing out of his house. There were also nice things but I love what I got the best. Mine is the Redneck Horn. When you hit the horn button it says all kinds of rude things, just my style. I plan to attach it to the side of my desk and see how long it takes to drive accounting (or as we call them...the hall of the walking dead) absolutely nuts. Sales has been asking for a door to our area for years and we keep getting turned down so we have a new approach. If we can't have a door then we will be so loud that everyone else will close their doors and we won't need one! So far the sales area has a top hat cymbal set (with two sets of sticks and brushes), drums, tambourines and we are shopping for a karaoke machine. In case you haven't figured this out yet the motto for the sales department is, "IF IT AIN'T FUN WE AIN'T DOIN' IT".

I know we need rain...

BUT did it have to be today?? It was POURING rain and I had a huge shopping bag overflowing with packages, my purse, my lunch the newspaper and an umbrella. Just as I came around the end of the parking lot the wind caught my umbrella and turned it inside out. Oh joy. The rain and wind did a real number on my pants and they were soaked.....and sliding south. I came schlepping into the lobby with my pants at half mast, dripping water, hair soaked, mascara stinging my eyes and it was about then when my shopping bag split open and dumped everything on the floor. Sooo...there I am with dripping hair, half mast pants, trying to get my lunch and Christmas packages gathered up and wishing my parents had been Jewish. Not exactly a great way to start your day. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. Harrumph

I did it!

Geesh, I can't believe I did it but I did. I was on the way to get new tires and then I had an appointment to get the oil changed and a belt replaced. ALL OF A SUDDEN... AND WITHOUT ANY ASSISTANCE FROM ME....The Westinghouse turned into the car dealership and instead of new tires I traded cars. It's not NEW but it's new to me and more importantly it's not a big white box that shoots ice cubes out the muffler. Merry Christmas to me!

Have I mentioned I hate my van??

Ohhh, probably only about 27 times a day. I am just not a van kinda gal...didn't want it six years ago and want it even less today. Six years ago the van was a necessity (still didn't make me like it) and now it's just an irritation. However, it's not quite irritating enough for me to take on a car payment...but we are getting closer. My friends all call it the Westinghouse because it's big, white and square...looks just like a refrigerator and nobody would be surprised if ice cubes shot out of the muffler. There is a power sliding door that has been a pain in the patoot from day one. You have to hold your mouth just right every time you close the darn thing or the sensor will BUZZ (and buzz and buzz) trying to tell you the door isn't closed even though the door is TOO SHUT TIGHT AND I HAVE ALREADY CHECKED IT 12 TIMES AND I REFUSE TO CHECK IT AGAIN SO STOP BUZZING!! Welllll....when TommyB, Rosemary and I went out for Mexican food the other night the door was giving me fits again so TommyB gave it a good body slam and now the door buzzes constantly unless the van is in park. It's a 20 minute drive to work and I can stand anything for 20 minutes. However....on Sunday I have a four hour drive. Hmm, any bets on how long it takes before I blow the thing to smithereens? My family and friends all complain about how hard it is to shop for me...well, how about a 2006 (it can be pre-owned, I'm not a new car snob) Lincoln Navigator? Silver with a gray interior or navy with a tan interior would be nice and I definitely want a power sun roof. OH OK...I don't need anything that big but a Honda CR-V or a Toyota Rav-4 would work very nicely. No pressure but Christmas is ONLY 6 days away!

My Thermometers

I know it's cold tonight (30's?) because I have two kitty's plastered to me and YES I have the furnace on! It's supposed to be back in the 60's tomorrow so Morty and Ginglebelle will be happy. Tom and Rosemary stopped by this afternoon while I was working over at the rental and Tom hooked up the cold water line to the sink for me...yea! The wallpaper roll was three inches short of being able to cover the last wall so I still have that to finish or maybe I could just buy a plant to cover the bare spot. Ginglebelle is solid black and the bookcase next to my black recliner is also black and yes I have a recliner...I am old and am just fine with that. The middle shelf on the bookcase is just the right height to serve as my end table so I usually have my "necessities" within reach. Anyway, this evening I was reading my book and reached over to the bookcase to get my Diet Cherry Coke and instead put my hand on something BIG, warm and furry. After I got off the floor....I was on the floor because that is where I landed when I got my feet tangled up in the afghan while flying out of the recliner to get away from whatever was BIG, warm and furry in my bookcase. Dumped the Coke, scared the tar out of Ginglebelle, AND ME. Yeah, yeah, yeah..it was a real Lucy Ricardo moment.

YES! The AC is finally off!

Remember all the moaning and groaning I did about the hot weather? Well..you will be happy to know I am LOVING the cooler weather. Does that mean I won't be complaining...oh come on, what do you think? All I know is I feel better and get ten times as much done when it's not so flippin' hot. The strangest thing happened last week and I haven't mentioned it mainly because I am still trying to figure out how it came about. There is a stat counter on my blog and I usually have 20 to 30 hits per day, mostly family and friends. I was tired of doing "work stuff" and clicked on my blog to see who had been there and the stat counter was practically spinning. HUH?? So I signed on the counter site, went to the pageload activity and clicked on the first link I came to. Holy crap! My blog link was on the CNN News site! Best I can tell the link was there for three or four hours and it appears that CNN posts three blog links at a time. Anyway, I have had several nice notes from all over the world and my 15 minutes of fame was more like 6 minutes but it sure was fun!

Where is everybody?

Got the shock of the season when I took Rosemary out shopping today....where is everybody? Thought it would be packed but the malls weren't even as crowded as a normal Sunday. We started out at Tanger Outlet and thought, well, we're early and LUCKY but when we get to the Myrtle Beach Mall we will be lucky to find a parking place. There were shoppers out but nothing like we were expecting and when we stopped for lunch at Red Lobster it was the same way. We arrived at Red Lobster right at 12:30 which should have been prime lunch time between church and shopping. The place was so empty I think there was an echo. Rosemary has a handicapped parking hanger and I always tell her that she better not let that puppy expire because that is the only reason I take her shopping. Good thing she has a sense of humor. The parking lots were nowhere near capacity and there were regular parking spots as close as the handicapped ones...and this was at 2pm. ALL RIGHT PEOPLE....confession time, was Christmas canceled and nobody told me???

Holy Crap!

I finally figured it out! The calender is right...Christmas will be here in 10 days!!! Sooo...after work this evening I stopped at two Broadway At The Beach stores and finished shopping for the boys and then picked up Rosemary and we ran up to Wal-Mart and bought a few groceries. I have made one batch of fudge and have chicken breasts simmering so we will have chicken and broth for the noodles. Nooo, I usually don't cook this time of night but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Morty and Ginglebelle are walking around with their noses in the air trying to figure out where that great smell is coming from. They had no idea that big white thing in the kitchen could be used to make food, especially food that smells so GOOD. When you live by yourself you just don't cook much or at least I don't. Most nights it's cereal or popcorn for dinner and that's if I'm lucky enough to be home and here lately that's been a rare occasion. Guess I'll go wrap a few gifts while Morty and Ginglebelle finish cooking and dicing the chicken.

Just 5 More Parties..Just 5 More Parties

Do you get the impression I am a drama queen? Well, I can be..especially when it feels like all I get to do is go to work, go home, change clothes and go back to work. At least I'm not bitter. :-) I THINK it's five more parties but I'm not positive...how sad is that??? Could be six but I think it's five. I bet Chef Steve knows the exact number AND how many people, oh please..if only one of us knows for sure..please let it be him! The party tonight went very well. It is a beautiful evening so some of the guests took their food and drinks out on the deck. The band was great...not too loud and played music everybody can dance to. Chef Steve is starting to look a little ragged around the edges and I do not know how the man does it during this time of year but he does and does it well. Now, I plan to go to bed and sleep until ohhhhh...maybe the crack of Noon. Then I will get up and have an egg with toast, read my book until I get sleepy and then nap until four. Don't you just love a gal with a plan??

It finally happened.

Everybody at work have been expecting it to happen and it took a bit longer than usual but it did happen. I hit the wall. I am done, finished, it's over, the fat lady has sung. Oh it's not a surprise as it happens every year at this time. Tonight, about halfway through a holiday party for 500, I looked at TommyB and said, "I'm going home." He heard the tone of my voice and I believe he said, "OH...please go home." That sentence translates to, "OH DEAR GOD PLEASE GO HOME BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T GO HOME I KNOW YOU WILL STAY HERE AND COMPLAIN AND WHINE UNTIL MY EARS BLEED." Of course I would.

Mom was right...

Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it! I just read in the paper where the temperature is supposed to drop to 30 over the weekend. HELLO??? 50 degrees? Geesh, all I wanted was for it to be cool enough that my shirt would not stick to my back but now I have to worry about my hair freezing to my head. Don't get me wrong I love having three seasons instead of four but it feels like summer will never be over this year. Fall is my favorite season and I miss seeing the leaves changing, the bright blue sky and the way the woods smell when the air is crisp. I also love the smell of the ocean air and the luxury of not scraping the windshield when you forget to put the car in the garage. Guess I just need to win the lottery so I can afford to spend 6 months in IN and 6 months at the beach. Actually I could afford to do that now if I could convince Morty and Ginglebelle to cut back on the filet, truffles and lobster. Yeah...right, that'll happen

What is this...the dog days of December?

You have no idea how guilty I feel about saying this but I am so flippin' tired of hot weather I could spit...if I could only conjure up enough moisture. One daughter has over a foot of snow, old friends in IN are still battling ice and loss of power and here I am complaining about almost 80 degree weather. Do I want snow and Ice? Oh heck no, been there done that and bought the t-shirt. Have no desire to go back to shoveling snow and icey windshields but I would LOVE to spend a day without my shirt stuck to my back. Well, aren't I just a big ole whiner? I bet you think if I won the lottery I would complain about the paperwork... and I probably would.

I really really did mean to go to work today.

Really I did. I got up at my regular time and about 20 minutes later I could not think of one single reason to go to work. Well, that's not exactly true but for every reason I came up with to go I had at least 5 better reasons not to go. Soooo....I called Rosemary and she went with me to the eye doctor and then we had lunch at Atlanta Bread before spending the afternoon shopping. Are you ready? Are you sitting down? I HAVE PURCHASED A TOTAL OF FOUR CHRISTMAS GIFTS! That is the good news, the bad news is I have six grandchildren. We stopped at the Dollar Store and then joined about 5,000 other people at Wal-Mart. Kim and her mother, Alice, invited us over for dinner tonight and it was wonderful as always. Alice is a retired Home Ec teacher and anything she prepares is not only delicious but looks like a picture in a magazine. About the best that can be said about my cookin is, well... it's filling. It's my turn to host dinner next and I HATE to follow Alice! After dinner we all moved to the screened porch and made s'mores over the fire pit. Thank goodness Kim had purchased the jumbo size bag of marshmallows because not only did we have our fill but there were plenty left for the firemen. Good times.

Wish I lived closer to a Chinese Restaurant.

Why? Because Ginglebelle kept me up until almost 2AM while she was out cattin' (ha! good one) around last night and I would have loved to drop her off someplace where she could be put to good use. Oh not really but Morty and I were getting more than slightly irritated when she stayed out so late last night. I would have LOVED to leave her hairy behind out all night but if I'm not right at the door to let her Royal Highness in then she goes to my neighbors bedroom window and meows until Carolee gets up and CARRIES her home. Carolee is a really really nice person but there are limits. Let's just say if Ginglebelle does that again I am willing to bet Carolee will be the proud new owner of a beautiful black throw rug...with feet. And a tail.

Just Hit Me With A Stick

Just got home after spending an evening with 975 of my best friends. OH OK....it was a party but I didn't exactly spend the evening with them. Oh I was there and they were there but while they were dancing and eating I was checking ID's, putting on armbands (I'm really good at catching arm hairs), running liquor and radioing for more (yes Steve, MORE) food. Let me tell you what, 975 people can flat put the food away! The DJ and band were both excellent this evening. The band had a great female vocalist who sounded a lot like Patsy Cline and the karaoke room was busy too. I always enjoy stopping by there on my way to and from the kitchen. It always amazes me how many people can really sing. Me? Ohhh..not so much. It is very warm here this weekend, I think the high today was about 74 and it's supposed to be even warmer tomorrow. I am sooo ready for some cooler weather but it sure isn't coming this way anytime soon. It is now 1AM and all I want to do is go to bed but noooooo, Ginglebelle ran out between my feet when I opened the door and I don't want her bothering the neighbors so I need to get her back inside before I crawl into bed. I cannot believe I'm forcing myself to stay awake while waiting for a stupid cat to come home!

Is it REALLY December?

Man oh man, I am in so much trouble. Haven't bought that first gift, haven't baked ANYTHING and I'm working without a day off for the next couple of weeks. People, it's not looking good!

Company Party

When you plan parties for a living you are not a very good guest. Normally, when I first arrive I scan the room and want to redo the entire setup. Not because it's wrong, but it's not the way I would have it arranged. Then I check the linens, bathrooms, wait staff uniforms, make sure all the exits are unlocked and by the time the party starts I'm ready to go home. Not tonight! Honey...I walked in the front door, got my drink and door prize tickets and found my friends. I'm not much of a drinker so the first thing I did was give away my drink tickets and in return I had water with fresh lemon brought to me the rest of the evening. The band was good but W A Y too loud for my old ears. Within 10 minutes both ears were ringing and part of the time my right ear was completely deaf so depending on which side you were standing...my conversation might have been a tad off kilter. Fortunately, it's not unusual for my conversation to be off kilter so I seriously doubt if anyone even noticed. Tonight provided a much needed break from the December chaos and it appeared that everyone had a wonderful time. It's always fun to see your coworkers all dressed up and have the opportunity to meet their spouses. Parties like tonight make me wish we would take to time all year long to do fun things together and maybe that should be my New Years resolution!

Fudge Fraud

Polly called and wants my rum cake and fudge recipes. She now has the rum cake recipe but I don't want to give her the chocolate and peanut butter fudge recipe. Ummm...family secret? Naaa, and even if it was... DUH, she is family. Recipe so complicated she will NEVER be able to make fudge? Nooooo, not hardly. OK....the chocolate fudge recipe is on the back of the large Marshmallow Cream jar. The only things I do differently are to use rum instead of vanilla and real butter instead of margarine. I prefer black walnuts to pecans but either kind are good. Are you happy now? The fudge you look forward to every year is right off the back of the jar. My mom always made Smith College Fudge and it was delicious but very temperamental. If the humidity was not quite right or if you cooked it a fraction too long or too short it was inedible but if you hit it just right...yum. I just don't have the patience to make the kind of fudge that might or might not turn out right so I take the safe route. OK Polly, here is the peanut butter fudge recipe that I use and it's in the 1995 Southern Living cookbook....thought you might want to put your sticker on that one. Yep, you now have written proof...your mother is a fudge fraud.

PEANUT BUTTER FUDGE

1/2 Cup Butter
5 Cups Sugar
1 (12 oz) Can Evaporated Milk
1 (18 oz) Jar Creamy Peanut Butter
1 (7 oz) Marshmallow Cream

Butter the sides and bottom of a large Dutch oven, leaving excess butter in pan. Add sugar and evaporated milk, stirring mixture well. Bring mixture to a boil over medium heat, stirring occasionally. Cook, stirring constantly, until mixture reaches soft ball stage or candy thermometer registers 234 degrees. Remove from heat, add peanut butter and marshmallow cream, beating with a wooden spoon until blended. Pour into a buttered 13 by 9 baking dish and let cool. Makes 2 pounds.

Trailer for sale or rent...rooms to let, fifty cents....

Well, Roger Miller isn't the only one with real estate for rent as we are THIS CLOSE to being ready to put the rental condo back on the market. Every room either has a fresh coat of paint or new wallpaper. Light fixtures have been replaced, new towel bars, new kitchen faucet AND new toilet seats! About the only thing left is getting the carpet cleaned. Heck, I may move over there...it sure is cleaner than my place! I have enjoyed being over on the waterway mostly because I love watching the boats go by while I work and if I'm working over there then I don't have to deal with my own stuff that needs to be done. Why is is always more fun doing any work other than your own?

Morty is a homeowner!

Yep, thanks to Mabel, Sid and Debi... Morty now has own cat house, every mans dream come true. I have to call it "Morty's" and not "Morty and Ginglebelle's" cat house because Morty will not allow Ginglebelle in, on or around the cat house. Ginglebelle wants to get in there and check it out really really bad but when she gets close Morty His Royal Highness Who Rules The Land stands on tiptoe, bristles up, hisses, pops her on top of the head and then Gingles runs and hides behind the couch. Last night Morty fell asleep in my lap and Ginglebelle got a turn to play. She kept one eye on Morty the whole time but she finally got to bat the dangle toys and even climbed up on the roof to take her own nap. So there...you hairy little tyrant.

I am addicted to Clamato Juice.

Six months ago I had never heard of the stuff and now I'm going through a gallon a week. Think they have support groups for Clamato Juice addiction? Oh I bet there is and if I can manage to wade through all the paperwork I can probably apply for disability too. That makes as much sense as some of the other disability cases I have seen. I used to work with a lady who (according to her) had terrible back problems all stemming from a work injury. She missed more days than she was there and when she did show she was useless. After three years of this the company finally put her under video surveillance. Yep you guessed it....they ended up with video of her jet skiing, bowling, building a rock garden and best of all...training for a marathon. Well why not, she was never at work so that gave her lots of free time to train. The case finally went to court and not only did she lose but she had to pay back three years of disability payments. Yes! Score one for the good guys. How in the world did I get from Clamato Juice to disability fraud?? My mind can be a very scary place.

It's PARTY time!

We had the first of three large groups tonight so one down and two to go! The band was great and as usual it took awhile to get the dancing started but once they did the floor was full the rest of the night. The karaoke room was packed and the DJ also had a full house. Everything was running smoothly so I "snuck" out shortly after 11. TommyB...you don't read this, do you? Hmmm, guess I will find out on Monday. After a quick stop at the grocery I headed for home (1/2 step ahead of the drunks), popcorn and my book. Sooo, there I am trying to unlock the front door while juggling my purse, a 12 pack of Diet Cherry Coke, mail, brief case and a big butt jug of Tide. I ALMOST managed to get that accomplished just as I dropped the Tide, the Diet Cherry Coke box split and cans rolled off in three directions. DANG! I gathered everything up and shoved the door open with my foot just as Ginglebelle, the escape artist, ran between my feet which caused me to drop the Diet Cherry Coke, again. ARRRG! I slammed the Tide down on the counter (scared poor Morty half to death) went back outside to gather up the Diet Cherry Coke AGAIN and saw Ginglebelle high tail down the steps toward freedom. Ginglebelle, darlin'...I AIN"T IN THE MOOD. Of course if I had spent the day with Morty who lives to chomp my tail, sit on my head and bite my ears I probably would run out the front door too. So I called for Ginglebelle who didn't actually look over her shoulder and yell, "Yeah right, in your dreams lady", but it was close. FINE. I put the Tide away and CAREFULLY put the Diet Cherry Coke in the fridge. That coke may settle enough to open by next Tuesday. While Morty had dinner I changed into my jammies, popped popcorn and plotted Ginglebelles demise. So Morty is now sleeping on my shoulder and I'm going to read a few pages in my book before I head for bed. Ginglebelle darlin', you better decide to come home before I go to bed or your hiney is spending the night outside.
In case you missed it, please check out the new addition to my favorite blogs. This site is a great read and the photos are out of this world. Make sure you scroll all the way to the bottom so you can see "Charlie" when he was only ten days old. One look and I bet you will be hooked too! http://www.dailycoyote.blogspot.com/

Cell Phones

Cell phones and I have a real love/hate relationship. I went through a period several years ago when I lost six phones in less than a year. Yep, six. I normally don't buy the insurance that is always offered but a little voice must have said, "BUY THE INSURANCE, YA BIG DUMMY" and am I glad I did! The first phone I lost was in my possession less than a month when it went AWOL. I am almost positive it went out with the Sunday paper. Sooo, I called the nice lady at the phone insurance office and she got a new phone overnighted to me. Great! Over the next three months I lost five more phones and let me share some info...the nice lady at the phone insurance office is not nearly as nice the sixth time you call her as she was the first time you called. I did find three of them when I moved the furniture in my bedroom and even called the "not so nice lady at the phone insurance office" and offered to mail them to her. She had another suggestion but it didn't involve the postal system. One thing I didn't understand is why everytime they replaced my phone they sent a smaller one. Hellloooo? If you are replacing an item someone keeps losing...would you send them a smaller one? TommyB said if it was up to him my next phone would be attached to a hunk of 2 by 4 and hung around my neck by a log chain.

Sometimes I'm such an idiot.

Lib and I live next door to each other and have been friends for over 30 years. She called me at work yesterday to tell me her husband Bill had bought a remote control to turn the outside Christmas lights on and off and she thought I might want one too. At first I said, naaaa and then remembered the night before when around 1 AM, I was out on the screened porch, bent over, tail to the wind trying to get the darn lights unplugged. Hmmm...yep, think I need one too. So I made a stop at Wal-Mart and came home with my very own remote control. All the batteries were included, easy to install and since I enjoy the lights when I'm reading in bed it is the perfect solution. So I'm laying there reading my book and feeling all smug because when I get sleepy I don't have to go outside and turn off the lights. It was about then that my lights went off. Hmmm, OK....click...lights back on! Thirty seconds later the lights go off again. Dang it, click...lights back on and I slammed the remote back on the table. I read almost a whole page and guess what, lights went out AGAIN. I thought oh the heck with it, I'm tired and going to sleep. I woke up about 3 AM and on my way back from the bathroom I had a thought. Hmmm, I grabbed my remote, pointed it at the screened porch and guess what?? Our remote controls are on the same frequency so Bill and I spent about 5 minutes turning each others lights on and off. Geesh, what a life.

Does anybody mind if we celebrate Christmas in January this year?

This time of year I am usually feeling all smug and superior when I hear my co-workers and family talk about how much they have left to do to get ready for Christmas because by the Saturday after Thanksgiving I am DONE. House decorated, gifts wrapped, baking packaged and in the freezer. This year not only am I not done, I haven't even started! Haven't bought the first gift, haven't made noodles, haven't made fudge, haven't baked cookies, no rum cakes....haven't even bought wrapping paper. Soooo, guess it's time to haul out the ole ATM card and hit Amazon.com this evening. The holiday parties start this Friday night and go through the 21st of December....still trying to get that last Saturday night booked. Most people want their party earlier in the month but I haven't given up...yet. Come on people! Gather up 40 of your best friends, we'll book the best band in town, open up the bar and your party will be the talk of the town for years. OR...we could just X out that date in the reservation book, put on our fuzzy socks, pop some popcorn and watch Miracle on 34th Street. Hmmmmmm

Good news? Bad news? OH MY GOD news?

Well, I think this is good news. I'm not sure yet but I will let you know in about two weeks. There has been a holiday party on the books for the past three or four months with 300-500 guests. Nice size party but certainly not the largest we have done. Band is reserved, DJ is booked, karaoke is ready to go...yes, they do karaoke. Jack Daniels has not manufactured enough alcohol for me to do karaoke. So back to my story. The party chairperson called to confirm our meeting time to finalize the details and we are chatting about the weather, Thanksgiving, shopping and then he said, "OH...I guess I should mention that our count has gone to over 800 and may top out at 1,000." Gulp....wow, how wonderful! As you can imagine one of the biggest challenges during the holidays is finding enough help. We use a temp agency when we have to but it has been our experience that you spend most of the night hunting down your help, scooping them out of dark corners and putting them back to work. Sooooo...hung up the phone and dialed TommyB. That went well...he said something about did I think he could pull wait people out of his...hmmm, now what did he say? I was thinking to myself I really wish that was possible because at this late date that's about the only way we will have enough help but I was wise enough not to share my thoughts. After that warm and fuzzy exchange I called the Chef who took the news much better than TommyB. OK folks, let's see a show of hands out there...how many of you have black pants, black shoes, white tux shirt and tie? Great! Please call TommyB ASAP.

Gravity 1 - Morty 0

When I came home from work this evening Mr. Morty was among the missing. I went from room to room calling his name and even checked the furnace closet where I have been known to shut him up for a few hours. HEY...I didn't do it on purpose! He has also been closed in the linen closet, every floor level kitchen cabinet, the drawers under the bed AND the refrigerator. I call and call and no Morty. I stepped out on the screened porch and notice the Christmas tree is moving. Hmmm....so I say his name again and this little gray face pops out near the top of the tree. Before I can get over to grab him he fell almost 6 feet to an uncarpeted floor and actually knocked his wind out. I scooped him up and loved on him but he caught his breath and was back at the top of the tree in less than 5 minutes. Idiot.

Shopping!

Despite my best efforts the dreaded "S" word became a reality. I needed a couple of things from the grocery, cash from the bank to pay the painters and batteries. For the doorbell...ha ha, fooled you! Sooooo...I could make two stops and get what I need or bite the bullet and go to Wal-Mart with every other idiot in three states but only make one stop. I decided Wal-Mart was the best choice and carefully planned my route before I left home. OK, I get to Hwy 17 and traffic is not bad, not bad at all. How about that! Parking at Wal-Mart was a piece of cake so I grabbed a cart and headed toward the store. OH MY GOSH...no line at the bank! I stashed the cash in my secret pocket, took a deep breath and headed toward the swarming mass of humanity who were fighting to the death for a 52 inch, high def, flat screen TV WITH stereo. After wading through the Barbies, climbing over a stack of plush characters from The Wiggles (oh yeah, those are gonna sell) and stopping to offer a Valium to a poor lady who just figured out she probably wasn't going to find a Wii system this year I had my batteries in hand and headed for the dreaded checkout line. For the very first time since, well EVER, I walked right up to an available checker! Wow, who knew!? All these years I thought being the first in line at a Wal-Mart checkout lane was a urban myth.

Ho! Ho Hum...

The outside lights are up, the wreath is hung and my "instant pop-up tree" for the screened porch is popped and lit. Ta da! So far Morty has climbed to the top of the tree twice and fallen off of a 6 ft step ladder. Quite frankly, I am afraid he will be spending New Years Eve in a full body cast if he doesn't get get a grip on his holiday excitement. OH...and I also caught him chewing on the tree light wires but a little Tabasco sauce cured that, I hope. Let's just say Morty is not a hot sauce kinda guy.

Taxidermy Phobia

When I was a little girl I always sat between my Mom and Grandma during our church service. This was before "children's church" which means everyone went to Sunday school and then adults as well as children attended the church service together. Misbehaving was never an option as every Mother in that church could give "a look of death" that was capable of curing the worst case of the fidgets. I don't know if it was like this in everybody's church but in ours we sat in the same pew every Sunday, you would have thought we had assigned seating. We always sat behind the town veterinarian's wife who wore a hat with a red bird on the brim and a fox stole. Remember those? The fox's mouth is a clip that fastens to the tail and it is draped over your shoulders. I was scared to death of that thing. It had sharp little teeth, pointy ears, claws on his feet and shiny eyes that I swear blinked when adults weren't watching. That fur piece scared me so bad it even appeared in my nightmares. Well, one Sunday I am sitting between my Mom and Grandma and during a hymn one of the glass eyes fell out and bounced across the floor. Good grief...scared the living tar out of me and was proof that thing really was alive. So, if you are planning on buying me a Christmas gift...please don't get it from the taxidermist.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Why, why, why do we do it to ourselves every year? Turkey, ham, dressing, sweet potatoes AND mashed potatoes which I totally understand because you HAVE to have some type of food that dents to hold the gravy so you can dip your turkey...DUH. Then we move to the corn, peas, deviled eggs, olives, stuffed celery, yeast rolls and best of all...pumpkin pie, chocolate cake, peanut butter fudge AND apple pie. Sooooo...tomorrow means ham and scalloped potatoes and for the next month we will have turkey sandwiches, turkey Manhattans, turkey tetrazzini, turkey casserole (nobody know what the heck is in that culinary masterpiece), turkey and eggs...OK, I made that last one up but there will be a plethora of turkey for the next few weeks. I'm always a little leery when someone invites me over for dinner right after Thanksgiving. Don't get me wrong, I love turkey but after the third or fourth time that bird is run around the table, the thrill is gone. So this suggestion is for all my friends. If you plan to invite me over for dinner do us both a favor and just TELL me if we are having leftover turkey. If you are, I will probably still accept (hey, even turkey is a nice break from my all popcorn all the time dinner routine) but I think it's only fair to give me a heads up. Hmmm, should that be wattle up?

What a slacker.

I had every intention of going to work this morning but the longer I laid there the fewer reasons I could come up with to get my hiney in gear and get motivated. Sooo...pffffffbtt, I'm staying home. Apparently that decision was just fine with Morty as he is sleeping very soundly on my shoulder. Before you go all postal about me staying home whenever it suits me just think about all the nights, Saturdays, Sundays and holidays I have to work. I don't know about you but that made me feel a lot less guilty. So to continue the JAN IS A BIG OLE SLACKER FEST...I think Morty and I will check to see if there is anything REALLY trashy on Lifetime, have a Diet Cherry Coke and maybe an English muffin with lots of butter and blackberry jelly.

People! Buy a calendar!

It amazes me how many calls we are still getting from companies who haven't reserved a location for their holiday party...for 2007. Uhhh...like next month. The person who has been assigned the task (usually the newest and youngest female employee) will have a slightly panicky sound in her voice as it is beginning to sink in that it is not going to be as easy as she first thought and it's a very real possibility she will have to tell their boss the 2007 company Christmas party will be in January 2008. The good news is there should be a ton of bands and DJ's to choose from!

Another one of THOSE days.

I hit the floor running at work this morning and got a ton of things off my desk..yea! I decided to leave about 3 and head over to the rental and finish putting the sealer on the walls that need to be papered so after changing clothes I cut across the parking lot ready to git er' done. The painters were there working (yea!) and another brother had shown up to help so they had given him my paint roller. OH MY GOSH..I really do have Larry, Darryl and Darryl! They offered to give the roller back...nooooo, you keep painting and I will work on something else. The 4 ft by 5 ft mirror in the hall bath needed to come down, and NO, I don't paper around things, so I took the clips off and got halfway down the ladder before I realized I didn't have enough room to get the mirror turned without help. Help! They came to the rescue and put the mirror in a safe place. OK, now the light fixture needs to come down off the wall. One, two, three corners loosened. Dang...it is stuck tight on the last corner. OK...turn it this way, give it a twist and hmmm, still stuck. No problem, get the screwdriver, pop the corner and it will come right off. Well..ha ha, guess what? HELP! The only saving grace is the guys had as much trouble as I did taking down the light fixture and that did make me feel a little better except they did actually get it off the wall. However, now there is a patch (darned corner) that needs to dry before I can put on the sealer. FINE...I will sand the bathroom cabinet door edges in the other bathroom and get them ready to paint. Well, guess not...brother number three is painting that bathroom. No problem, all the light fixtures need to be washed so I'll fill the kitchen sick with hot soapy water and get that out of the way. Great idea except the water is turned off at that sink so I can replace the faucets. Oh well, this is as good a time as any to replace the faucets and I will be in business. It was right about then that I remember the sink wrench is back at my place. Oh the heck with it...I'm going home and see if Oprah's day is going better than mine. What do you want to bet Larry, Darryl and Darryl did the happy dance when I announced that I was leaving?

100 Things About Me

It has been brought to my attention that once you reach 100 posts you are supposed to list 100 things about yourself. As usual I am just a tad bit behind (ONLY 55 posts!) but those of you who know me can't be too surprised. Good grief, my kids are hardly speaking to me now and I'm supposed to tell MORE??? What the heck, here goes...like grandma always said, in for a penny in for a pound. Whatever that means. 1. My first pet was a parakeet named Sweetie Pie. 2. My second pet was a white kitty named Snowball who ate my first pet. 3. Favorite homemade meal is beef & noodles. 4. I sucked my thumb until I was in 2nd grade. 5. In 1958 Bev Parrot told me there was no Santa Claus. 6. I didn't believe her then and I don't believe her now. 7. Barb Lidster and I cannot ride a tandom bicycle, but we certainly entertained the neighbors trying. 8. My cousin Chris says I was a biter but I remember it the other way around. 9. Verlin Lindley was my first boyfriend. We were in first grade and I loved his blond hair. 10. My mother made me wear an undershirt until I was in 6th grade. 11. I love Hostess Snowballs. 12. Bev Parrot, Anny Millikin and I used to eat Miracle Whip sandwiches. 13. When my children were small I dressed them in matching plaid polyester outfits AND took their picture, many times. 14. When I was 13 and Anny was 14 we wrecked her brothers motorcycle and she still has a burn scar on her leg. 15. Polly broke her finger when she was 3 but mother of the year didn't take her to the doctor for three days. I swear it didn't look that bad! 16. Our post office box number in Kingman was 193. Grandma and Poppy's was 102 and I remember the combination for both of them. 17. When Eddie was 5 we went to the airport to pick up her Daddy who was coming home from a business trip to Japan. While we were waiting at the gate in the international terminal she started to run a fever and then I noticed she was breaking out in chicken pox. I have always wondered how many countries we infected that evening. 18. The first TV show I remember watching is Ding Dong School starring Miss Frances and sponsored by Bactene..guaranteed not to sting. Miss Francis lies. 19. I met Jim Nabors in an elevator in Dallas, TX. 20. Rainy days are my favorite. 21. I have no idea what color my hair is since I've been bleaching it for over 30 yrs. 22. Math was my least favorite subject in school. 23. I still love ABBA. 24. I know how to cut up a whole chicken. 25. I don't like for my food to touch. 26. The inside of my car is rarely clean. 27. I'm very trusting but do me wrong and we are finished. 28. Clowns scare me. 29. I cannot sew, knit or crochet. 30. Pepsi used to be my favorite but now it's Diet Cherry Coke. 31. During the 70's I was in several national TV commercials advertising Hammond organs. 33. Never lived in a house with air conditioning until 1973. 34. Popcorn is dinner at least 3 times a week. 35. I thought Mount Rushmore was a natural phenomon until I was 30. 36. Never saw the ocean until I was 24. 37. Lima beans are my least favorite vegetable. 38. I can walk on stilts and roller skate backwards, but not at the same time. 39. Basketball is my favorite sport. 40. I learned how to drive a stick shift when I was 16 in a 1964 GTO convertible. Loved that car and loved the boy who owned that car. 41. Never broke a bone until I was 51. 42. My favorite number is 5. 43. I believe in ghosts. 44. Breakfast for supper is one of my favorites. 45. When I was 6 I wet my pants sledding down Eubank hill because I was so scared. 46. I chipped my front tooth on the handlebar of my bike going down that same hill 6 years later. 47. When Ina Heath butchered chickens Jamie Allen and I used to chase each other with the chicken feet. 48. Bev Parrot, Rita Alward, Anny Millikin and I painted Rita's family's chicken house purple. Rita's mother was not happy. 49. Billie Jean Childers and I used to tease the bull across the road from her house until the bull jumped the fence one day and chased us home. 50. I never wore glasses until I was 40. 51. Bread crusts are yuky and need to be removed. 52. Euchre is my favorite card game. 53. One of the things I miss the most are family dinners. 54. Easter and Thanksgiving are my favorite holidays. 55. I'm not afraid of spiders but snakes freak me out. 56. Home is my favorite place on earth. 57. I think skunk spray smells like lemon. 58. I would rather be beat with a stick than have a garage sale. 59. Before I die I want to live on a houseboat or a Manhattan loft..preferably both. 60. We used to have a Harlequin Great Dane named Hamlet who was taller than the children. 61. I love sports cars especially MGB's. 62. I LOVE handbags. 63. My closet is very organized 99% of the time. 64. My motto is "If it ain't fun I ain't doin it". 65. I love the smell of the woods in the fall. 66. If I close my eyes I can still smell my Grandma's kitchen and hear my Poppy's voice. 67. I am very shy. 68. I hate moving but have relocated 17 times. 69. Love to pop my gum. 70. Chris Beattie is one of the brightest people I have ever met and one of my bestest friends. 71. My spices are alphabetical. 72. I have no use for televangelists. 73. If I'm not driving or riding in the front seat, I get car sick. 74. Have been really drunk one time in my life and that was more than enough. 75. When I use a fast food drive through I pay for the person behind me. 76. I don't like furniture lined up around the wall like a funeral home. 77. Nothing smells as good as a newborn babies head. 78. I Love Lucy, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Carol Burnett Show and Andy Griffith are still my favorites. 79. I want to smack people who do not respect our flag or stand for the national anthem. 80. I make great peanut butter fudge. 81. I have the best job and work with some of the greatest people in Myrtle Beach. Debi Shofner and I have more fun at work than most people do on vacation. 82. I could spend a $1,000 everytime I walk into Bed, Bath and Beyond. 83. I hate my van and want to trade cars but I hate car payments more than I hate my van. 84. Rude people drive me nuts and I just want to pinch their heads right off their shoulders. 85. Lavender Vanilla is my favorite fragrance. 86. Left lane drivers who poke along and block traffic should be machine gunned to oblivion. 87. Big t-shirts make the best nightgowns. 88. Playing Euchre online with Anny is something I look forward to everyday. 89. I love fried catfish. 90. Fall is my favorite season and the Parke County Bridge Festival is a must. 91. Least favorite household chore is taking out the trash. 92. The ads are correct...Dyson is the best vacuum ever made and worth every penny. 93. Online banking is one of the greatest inventions ever. 94. Bacon and coffee are two of the best smells.Just wish coffee tasted as good as it smells. 95. I love to read my book with a kitty purring on my shoulder. 96. Every room needs at least one candle. 97. I kill any live plant I come into contact with. 98. I love the smell of Vicks. 99. I believe as long as you laugh you will never be old and my friend Rosemary is the proof of that theory. 100. My daughters and grandchildren are the light of my life and my greatest wish is they remember me with as much love as I have for my mother and grandparents.

Teas and More Teas

Tis the season! We had two Holiday Teas today and nothing scheduled tonight or tomorrow. YEAH! We can use the break plus it's time to do some laundry at the ole hacienda. I stopped by Pet Smart and stocked up on more truffles, filet and lobster for Ginglebelle and Morty. I swear their food costs more than mine. When I die I want to come back as some old widow ladies pet. From what I have seen.... it's not a bad life!

Interesting Lunch

Janie won several free lunches at a new local restaurant and generously offered to share them with book club and of course the book club members said, "Free lunch...heck yeah!" Debi and I picked Rosemary up and headed to meet the rest of the group at the new restaurant which happens to be located on Main Street. Myrtle Beach is not a large town and Main Street is MAYBE 10 blocks long. However, the urban planners had to be drunk when they laid out the city streets because Main Street is N shaped with several intersections, stop lights and one very interesting sign that says Main Street but if you turn there you are in a parking lot. I know this for a fact because we did that twice. That kind of stuff is funny when we are messing with the tourists but when it starts interfering with lunch, now that is a different story. After much back tracking, shouting, pointing, nausea (sorry Debi) and by pure chance...we found the restaurant. In our defense the sign on the front of the restaurant was the size of a smallish dinner plate. Just a suggestion, but ya might want to invest in a slightly larger sign. The restaurant was very clean and the waiter immediately brought us the menu. They specialize in wraps and the selections were chicken, roast beef, pork and seafood. Everything is prepared fresh and the cooking smells were wonderful. Here is the kicker...the "foundation" for each wrap is mashed potatoes. Yep, that's right...mashed potatoes. Soooo...I had roasted chicken breast, ranch dressing, lettuce, tomato and shredded cheese all mixed in mashed potatoes and served in a freshly made wrap. It was good but it sort of reminded me of a sandwich you might put together when you are 20 and wake up at 4 AM but don't feel like driving to Taco Bell in your jammies. Guess a repeat visit is really not an option for Rosemary, Debi or I as the chances of us ever finding it again are pretty darn slim!

Yep, I'm a slacker.

I was home by 6 this evening and as I was changing into my wallpaper, paint and welcome to my personal hell clothes I had a thought. Naaaaa, tonight I am sitting in my recliner. After fixing dinner (popcorn) I spent the evening paying a few bills and visiting with Lib. It felt good to take a break but tommorw will be back to the grind as I really want to finish. Book club is tomorrow and I haven't read the book ...think I can fake it? Me neither but I'm still going for lunch.

Morty and the coat hanger.

I don't own any wire hangers but did anybody besides me just have a vision of Joan Crawford screaming, "NO wire hangers!!!"? I am not a Hollywood diva but I do prefer the plastic hangers mainly because clothes stay on the plastic ones much better than the wire. For some reason I have been waking up every morning at 3 AM. One second I am sound asleep and the next second my eyelids fly up like two dollar window shades. You probably don't think those first three sentences are related but you would be wrong. So, I am sound asleep minding my own business and when 3 AM rolls around I am wide awake. Since I am OLD, I get up and go to the bathroom. There are four key words in that last sentence. Old, Get, Up and Bathroom. If you are already old then no explanation is required and if you aren't old, one day you will be and again...no explanation will be required. So, I'm sitting there contemplating the back of the bathroom door and wishing it was either 11 PM so I could sleep six more hours or 6 AM so the paper would be here and I would have something to do before I get ready for work. Apparently I have also disturbed Morty and I hear him jump from the bed (well duh, of course he sleeps on the bed) to the floor. Then everything becomes a blur. Somehow...and I am still not sure how, Morty got a plastic coat hanger stuck around his tummy. How in the world do you go from sound asleep to stuck in a hanger in under five seconds? He is not a big kitty and if he had moved a fraction of an inch the right way the hanger would have fallen off but that is just not the way things work at this house. I can hear Morty frantically clacking around the bedroom trying to lose the hanger and just as I turn on the light Morty smacks right into the dresser and of course the hanger falls off. Ginglebelle looks at him like he is a total idiot and an embarrassment to all felines. So...what kind of hangers do you prefer?

Larry, Darryl and Darryl

Remember the three handymen on the old Bob Newhart show? Not the OLD Bob Newhart show with Suzanne Plushette but the newer old Bob Newhart show where he and his wife, Joanna, owned an inn someplace in Vermont. Bob and Joanna had three derelict handymen named Larry, Darryl and Darryl who dropped in periodically to do repairs. Wow, what I wouldn't give for three derelict handymen neighbors. It probably isn't true to say I am THE most unhandy person in SC but that statement is not far from the truth. Thank goodness I had sense enough to hire REAL painters and with the help of my friends I am managing to blunder through the rest of the projects before I place an ad to get this place rented again. I have wallpapered dozens of times and some rooms were easier than others but these two rooms are taking what seems like forever just to get them prepped. OH...don't get me started on the time I bought red, white and blue wallpaper with stripes of varying widths and just to make you totally nuts, there were stars on the wide blue stripes. Not the narrow blue stripes or wide red stripes or the narrow white stripes just the wide blue stripes. The house was over 100 years old and had 12 ft ceilings so you can imagine how square the rooms were. I would paste a strip of paper, climb up the ladder, pat down the top third of the strip, climb down the ladder and shut my eyes. Then I would open my eyes and begin to smooth the paper with the brush. I thought I would go blind before I finished that room. For weeks after the room was finished I saw wavy stripes and stars every time I shut my eyes. At least this paper isn't striped or have stars. The towel bars, toilet paper holders and some ugly brass rack thingys are all down and the holes have been patched. Andre The Giant must have been the previous owner because the towel bars were all way above my head and I have no idea how a semi-normal person would hang their towel without using a step stool. OK, time for bed SO I CAN START THIS ALL OVER AGAIN TOMORROW BECAUSE I AM HAVING SUCH A GREAT TIME AND I KNOW YOU ARE JEALOUS. If anybody happens to run into Larry, Darryl and Darryl...please give them my number and feel free to tell them I am a rich widow with loose morals. Hey...as long as you are lying anyway just go ahead and tell them I am thin AND a natural blond.

NOOOO! YUK!

Everybody knows I love Mr. Morty to pieces and spoil him absolutely rotten. When I brush my teeth or put on makeup he will sit on his back legs like a rabbit and wait for me to pick him up and put him on the counter so he can play in the running water or bat my makeup off the counter. We have had this morning routine for months but I think it has come to a screaming halt. Morty was watching me brush my teeth just like he does every other day and when I say watched I mean he really gets into the process. I have a Sonicare toothbrush (my favorite toothbrush EVER) and I guess it's the noise that attracts him but he does everything short of pulling my lips apart and putting his head in my mouth so he can get a better look. Anyway, I rinsed my toothbrush off, put it back on the charger and got in the shower. I never take Morty off the bathroom counter as he just jumps down and I really never thought about what he does when I'm not standing at the sink. WELL....I stepped out of the shower and there is Morty LICKING my toothbrush. My first thought is NOOO! My second thought was, "OH MY GOSH....please let this be the first time he has licked my toothbrush!" Yeah, I ain't real bright but I'm pretty sure it wasn't the first time Morty has tasted Crest which would explain why my breath sometimes smelled like Little Frisky's while Mr. Mort was minty fresh. Sooo, my toothbrush now has a new brush head and is stored in a different locale. A locale with a DOOR. I have a doctor appointment in the morning and in addition to getting my regular prescriptions renewed I guess I better check on getting a good worming.

Paint, Wallpaper and what the heck was I thinking???

I haven't mentioned my shoulder in quite sometime mainly because I'm afraid I will "jinx it". Shhhhh.....don't tell anybody but I have no pain and the numbness is gone. Knock on wood, A LOT. So to celebrate that happy news I'm going to wallpaper the kitchen and bathrooms while our rental condo is empty! Never said I am smart. A friend from work is doing the painting as I can't paint. It's obvious to anyone when I do the painting because it looks like I used my feet instead of a brush. No matter how hard I try or how expensive the brush my paint jobs are sloppy at best. So tonight I am taking down the towel bars, pulling out the stove and refrigerator and then admit myself to the closest mental institution.