Remember Steve Martin in the movie THE JERK? When I typed the above title Steve Martin and that movie popped into my demented little mind. Steve was running through streets wearing nothing but a ratty bathrobe and his underpants while screaming, "The phone book is here!" The phone book is here!" That is how I feel about my table top, but I am wearing sweatpants and sitting in my recliner. I wonder why the smallest projects become EVENTS when I am involved. What is the big deal about changing your dining room table?? Well....honey, it sure ain't as easy as it sounds. First you have to move the 1/2 ton rectangular glass table top you already have which is no small feat and don't forget to price the new square top BEFORE you make this change. I had to decide if I wanted a new table top or a five carat diamond tooth stud. The tooth stud and the table top were the same price so you can understand my dilemma. OH...and don't forget that because the new top is square the rectangle rug will just NOT do. Fast forward to Saturday...new square rug is in place, new table base is in place, rug is centered under light fixture and all systems are go. Sooo... I'm running from window to window watching for the delivery truck to arrive with my new table top. FINALLY! Two men carry the large box in, unpack the glass, clean it, give it a final polish and then center it on the table base. They gather all the packing material and as they are exiting I can hardly wait to sit at the new table with all eight chairs in place and silently congratulate myself on a job well done. Hmmmm, how odd. Have I shrunk? Beautiful new rug, lovely new square table...too bad the DAMN CHAIRS ARE TOO SHORT. NO, I'm not kidding. The only good news is all my friends who are over age 50 have a great place to rest their sagging chest.